pleaaaaaaaase read it

[unknown_lady]

hi ppl

i'm new here

and also i'm new in writing poems

i wrote this poem plase teel me if it's not good
or if it has anythin wrong

so i can work harder and offered better

i hope you like it

written in astanza of 14 lines
3quatrens and conclusion


I feel so strange
there is no pain
my thought's are un arrange
to thee or my should i complain?

No sad ..no mad
Just toese emotions surrounds
which i cann't hold
or even to define

i dont know if i will declare
to it or make it secret
i don't know i can't decied
how i'm going to act


relieve my heart by saying it
or keep it cause i'm not sure from it



>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> please tell e if it's bad or lack of something

and thanks

[unknown_lady]

hi every one

how r u

i wrote this poem but i'm not sure is it good or not

i think itsn't that good

any way i really wannat you to help me with

please read it and tell me if it's not good and worth to puplish or even to show it to my friend

here



the topic:

who am i


Being the one you never except
things come you couldn't act
to whom by whom should i ask?
Every bad &evils things i had done
being wicked or angel i always wonder
seeing the right turn it to wrong
and seeing the wrong doin nothin about it
refer to me all bad deeds
good deeds know me not
feeling isolated from the whole world
i always wears masks to hide my own
like the devil walk and act and do
less like angel i often be


well how could i define my self
am i devil or angel how knows
looking physically like angel but acting not like one
i'm like the devil with in

Being angel this what i always dream to achive
but i always wakes in the fact which is i'm truley adevil




scorn me not blame me not
for i'm the devil that who i'm i



^
^
^
what about it

is it good ?

waiting for your evaluation

[white camellia]

It looks like a sonnet, but not with its rhyming and meter scheme. You wrote in English, but at times breaking its morphology.
However, that is not a barrier to the understanding of it. I like it, especially the 'conclusion', because of its philosophical taste and the flowing emotion.

[unknown_lady]

thaaaaaaaanx my dear for your reply

i'm really happy that you like the conclusion

and maybe cause it's not my native language so that why it's weak somehow
\
but i really like to write in english more than my own native language

[TwiztidKarma]

I like it the way it is.

[dyingflame]

arrange your spelling and it should be good- remember, the form of a poem is NOT seperate from its meaning

[unknown_lady]

TwiztidKarma
thank you bro i'm so glad that you like it


dyingflame


ok i will thanks for your reply bro



i'm very happy to see you here and to encourge me

[Lioness_Heart]

I think that it's really good - in some ways, the fact that the English isn't perfect helps the starkness of what you're trying to say come across.

[ennison]

'Looking physically like angel' Aim for precision in your imagery. Angels although given often conventionalised form are spiritual beings and to compare yourself to one physically creates a jarring comic effect which I'm sure you didn't intend. If you are a recent learner of English these are interesting explorations of uncertain feelings

[Petruchio]

Well..........its pretty good!
I like reading this kinda stuff.
I a sure you have a lot of potential!
keep it up!

[Triskele]

yeah, i have a similar comment to most here, check the spelling/grammar, sometimes its ok to break the flow of language, but for understandings sake much of it should be ok, the poems content was great, the only thing i found was that i thought in the first poem i almost wanted the stanzas to be linked in their ideas a bit more. well done.

[Pendragon]

Loved the second one, very nice. I would probably have not broken it at all, but that is up to the poet, free verse is very open. The first one is good in the idea, just needs a little polish. One way, you could make it into minimalism poetry, just the most important words and thoughts. The other, lenghten and strengthen the lines into free verse or sonnet. But don't quit. Keeping churning them out. Write down every poem that comes to mind and keep on writing. You'll make a fine poet! ;)

Pen

[unknown_lady]

I like it the way it is.

thanks bro

thanks aloooooooooooot

you have encourage me

[unknown_lady]

I think that it's really good - in some ways, the fact that the English isn't perfect helps the starkness of what you're trying to say come across.

thanks bro

yeah my english isn't good so the poems are weak

[unknown_lady]

'Looking physically like angel' Aim for precision in your imagery. Angels although given often conventionalised form are spiritual beings and to compare yourself to one physically creates a jarring comic effect which I'm sure you didn't intend. If you are a recent learner of English these are interesting explorations of uncertain feelings

thanks you taught me some thing new

[unknown_lady]

Well..........its pretty good!
I like reading this kinda stuff.
I a sure you have a lot of potential!
keep it up!

thanks aloooooooooooot

and i like to write this kind of stuff


thanks bro for our lovely reply

[unknown_lady]

yeah, i have a similar comment to most here, check the spelling/grammar, sometimes its ok to break the flow of language, but for understandings sake much of it should be ok, the poems content was great, the only thing i found was that i thought in the first poem i almost wanted the stanzas to be linked in their ideas a bit more. well done.

thanks alot bro

i will be more carefull in spelling and grammer

and i will link the ideas more

[unknown_lady]

Loved the second one, very nice. I would probably have not broken it at all, but that is up to the poet, free verse is very open. The first one is good in the idea, just needs a little polish. One way, you could make it into minimalism poetry, just the most important words and thoughts. The other, lenghten and strengthen the lines into free verse or sonnet. But don't quit. Keeping churning them out. Write down every poem that comes to mind and keep on writing. You'll make a fine poet! ;)

Pen

thanks alooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooot my bro

you 've encourage me alooooooot

[white camellia]

men observe different orders in nature, having different tastes of things, therefore various rhythms and colors of their expressions are produced. in the infancy of language, every little utterance is a line or lines of a poem. the very nature of language is poetry. it's only that poetry has formed its own rules, lexicon and grammars, later. the primary task of a poet is to find the truth and beauty and work on that with their minds and hearts. let your poems be the accurate imitation of your impressions, both external and internal, of your surroundings. the rest, the artistry, is something that can be attained as the reward of good efforts
---a few of my thoughts from percy bysshe shelley's A Defense of Poetry