Please rate my peom. Be honest!!

[markalexander]

this peom is for somone that screwed me

Never trust a sole

Brayed and stabbed
Left to bleed
My head still spinning, wondering what’s going on?
I am boggled, I am confused. I don’t know what’s going on
How could the person I trust the most
Be the one to do this

I wish it would have been a stranger, then I would have understood
But the one I want to be my life, be the one that pushes in the knife
My hart is bleeding; I have no one to turn to…
But it’s only a matter of time, before it’s healed.
Back to normal with no fears.
I’ve been ****ed before and prevailed.
Forgetting is something I could never do

I am going to swindle and double-cross
That mother****er that ripped me off
That miserable deceitful son of a *****
To mislead, and twist the script
To manipulate, and change a pure mind
Well I am way ahead of you this time.
You might think your smart but you don’t stand a chance
Cuz you’ve never seen me like this before
I made you think you saw my hand, but wait till I pull out my Ace’s.
I will crush you with the look of an eye

I am just getting ready, it’s about to pour on you
I will crush your bones, like there cornflakes
I will smash your face into a pancake

You’re getting wet but you don’t know were from
You feel pain, but no one is around to inflected
You confused, you mind gets boggled. And that’s when the payback has just begun.

I let you off the hook before, but now you’ve crossed the line
I am not going to rest till I sabotage you.
And trust you’re not going to enjoy it.
I wish I could tell you, that’s its me causing you the pain.
That would bring me so much joy
But everyone knows revenge is best served cold and unknown

[chasestalling]

this peom is for somone that screwed me

Never trust a sole

Brayed and stabbed
Left to bleed
My head still spinning, wondering what’s going on?
I am boggled, I am confused. I don’t know what’s going on
How could the person I trust the most
Be the one to do this

I wish it would have been a stranger, then I would have understood
But the one I want to be my life, be the one that pushes in the knife
My hart is bleeding; I have no one to turn to…
But it’s only a matter of time, before it’s healed.
Back to normal with no fears.
I’ve been ****ed before and prevailed.
Forgetting is something I could never do

I am going to swindle and double-cross
That mother****er that ripped me off
That miserable deceitful son of a *****
To mislead, and twist the script
To manipulate, and change a pure mind
Well I am way ahead of you this time.
You might think your smart but you don’t stand a chance
Cuz you’ve never seen me like this before
I made you think you saw my hand, but wait till I pull out my Ace’s.
I will crush you with the look of an eye

I am just getting ready, it’s about to pour on you
I will crush your bones, like there cornflakes
I will smash your face into a pancake

You’re getting wet but you don’t know were from
You feel pain, but no one is around to inflected
You confused, you mind gets boggled. And that’s when the payback has just begun.

I let you off the hook before, but now you’ve crossed the line
I am not going to rest till I sabotage you.
And trust you’re not going to enjoy it.
I wish I could tell you, that’s its me causing you the pain.
That would bring me so much joy
But everyone knows revenge is best served cold and unknown



i like the subject matter, a breath of fresh air considering that most quote unquote poems are about love, nature, beauty and the like.

there's a fine line between poetry and parody however and i'm afraid "never trust a sole" is more parody than poetry.

thanks for the laughs. i especially like the pun on sole and soul.

[Neil Thomas]

I have a book recommendation for you. It is called Science of Survival by L. Ron Hubbard. Basically there is this chart in there where you can pin point someones chronic emotional tone: like, always kind of angry or always kind of apathetic. There are a whole bunch of them. In this case that person may of been covertly hostile, meaning, they are smiling and pretending to be your friend when in truth they can't waint to stab you with the knife hidden behind their back. Again, Science of Survival by L. Ron Hubbard.:)

[Petruchio]

Well.................honestly speaking it wasn't bad!
You really proved that poetry is a form of expression!

but its not possible never to trust anyone because you need to have people in your life whom you can trust!

If one stabbed you, doesn't mean all will!

[TwiztidKarma]

I like it,

[wyzguy]

Sorry. I didn't like it. It was angry venting with only the slightest breath of poetry. Sole wasn't a parody. It was a misspelling, like so many others in this work. You asked for honest.

[raspberry_jelly]

To be honest the swearing distracted me, it was good, but you need to improve your language, I mean the greats never swore like that. Tennyson, Byron, Shelly, Keats, Shakespeare, Hardy, Wordsworth, Barrett Browning I could go on.
If the likes of Owen, Sassoon, Graves and Brook can write so movingly about the horrific brutality of war without using the word f*** I’m sure you can to.
Apart from that it was ok; just don’t limit your audience.

[Pendragon]

Honest. Dark poetry is nothing new to me, read the Echoes From the Edge. I don't think though that the language used in this effort is going to make it, and you need to work on spelling. A good effort, and can be salvaged with a re-write. Good luck.