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moonchilddd
01-19-2007, 02:41 PM
sufficate
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my hands they grasp
her soft harsh neck
and throw her mouth
around my waste i let

her thights i conquer
deep within they drain
the wetness shivers
a thought insane

i smack her legs
across the room
to spread her lips
and give my fits

i drill inside so deep
and calm
our souls they merge
and yet beyond

her arms they scratch
my back and beg
her breasts i fiddle
across my chest

our breaths they catch
each others warmth
our eyes they melt
together torn

my hands they fold
around her shoulders
i pull her hair
our sex, so fair
-

Adolescent09
01-19-2007, 11:15 PM
The poem title is mispelt (I think) Suffocate? I like the rest of the poem, but the eyes being "torn" made me think of my mother's glaucoma and retinal problems. I might not be getting the gist of just these two lines:

"our eyes they melt,
together torn"

I never knew anything happened to your eyes when you're getting it on.. But I might be wrong. The rest might seem cliche but flows well.

Don't take this post SERIOUSLY and start blasting me to bits. This was just my humble take on the piece presented.