I couldn't any sleep that night

[Mattias]

I couldn't any sleep that night, so I partially made up a poem
It helped, after writing it, I found myself in the land of dreams and fantasy:yawnb: I'd love to hear your opinion on this one, good or bad?

Insonmic as I am
my dreams u have haunted
I'm becomming what u never wanted

My steps scare ur front door
my mind goes blank
Flashbacking to our night at the sunsetting shore
We're I lost my self in you, in you I sank

Will u recall my name?
our neverending story crashed on the moon
Will u remember the kiss, when it all began?
I always told my self I'd see u soon
Not a boy , but yet not a man
We floated, burried ourselves in the lagoon

I knock 3 times
Shaking of my worries
and smilling to the wood
Thinkin' that u'll again be mine
Like in every good story
Your boyfriend opend the door, I'd beat the crap out of him, if I only could [/FONT]

[jon1jt]

the first thing that jumped out that caused me to stop reading your poem is how you make trite abbreviations throughout the poem, as if you couldn't spend the time for your reader. so i don't have time to respond directly to it.

[Angelic Devil]

i can see the message you're trying to send to ur reader, but the way it is written lacks the structure, and well, one thing i'd say:

re-write it in a way a reader would be able to digest ur writting,, you got a nice theme going, re-write it, it'll be well for the eye's of the reader then.