I Am Your Wasted Self

[Twisted_Sister]

I Am Your Wasted Self

I can’t remember
And don’t understand
Moments of your untimely rage.

You can’t begin to consider
Or imagine all the pain you’ve aged.
Under the smiles and happiness
Rests a demented soul that is nothing but

Weak and powerless
And a prisoner to his own loathe.
Sitting here and
Touching your heart, feeling
Everything you despise,
Darkness, malice, and all the rage

Sojourns in my mind.
Every cruel thing you say or do,
Little or great hell, it is I that makes you
Feel this way, cause I am Your Wasted Self.

[Triskele]

hmmm... a bit angst filled, but some of the lines bear repeating, i would almost hope that your poem would have somewhat of a purpose to it, either a plot, a specific cause to the emotion or something... i think its a bit vague, not that thats a bad thing, keep in mind these are just personal opinions

[the Last 13]

are you sure you're a prisoner to your own loathe.....rather than loathing the fact that you dont loathe yourself.....loathing all the things you feel and thinking that those feelings are what made you your wasted self ??????

[Twisted_Sister]

are you sure you're a prisoner to your own loathe.....rather than loathing the fact that you dont loathe yourself.....loathing all the things you feel and thinking that those feelings are what made you your wasted self ??????


do you loath the fact that you dont loath yourself? what do you even mean by this post?.....are you just trying to sound confusing?..........the poems not even aobut the person who is speaking it.

[Maria L]

I personally love your line "all the pain you've aged"
Very good poetry, may want to add a bit more literary devices though, a few more metaphores and a bit of personification would be nice.

[Triskele]

do you loath the fact that you dont loath yourself? what do you even mean by this post?.....are you just trying to sound confusing?..........the poems not even aobut the person who is speaking it.

i think i see where they are going with it, kinda a confusion as to the proper emotion that they need to demonstrate, while at the same time a bit frustrated with other people/themselves for not understanding...

[spally]

likw i said for like the thousandth time...I LOVE IT. i feel emotions of being lost and sad....and yet happy when i read it, and i love it.