Evening classes for men? Am I in trouble?

[ClaesGefvenberg]

My wife is trying to sign me up for evening classes and has nailed the attached prospectus to my pillow. What do you think LitNet dwellers? Am I in trouble, or something?




Due to the complexity and difficulty level, class sizes will be limited to eight participants maximum. Survivors get a diploma.

Class 1 “How to fill up ice cube trays”
Step by step demonstration with slide presentation.

Class 2 “The toilet paper roll – does it change itself?”
Round table discussion.

Class 3 “Is it possible to urinate using the technique of lifting the seat and avoiding the floor, walls and bathtub?”
Group practice

Class 4 “Fundamental differences between the laundry hamper and the floor”.
Pictures and explanatory graphics

Class 5 “After dinner dishes – can they fly and levitate into the dishwasher?”
Examples on video

Class 6 “Loss of identity – losing the TV remote control to your significant other”.
Help line and support group.

Class 7 “Learning how to find things – starting with looking in the right place and not turning the house upside down while screaming”.
Open forum

Class 8 “Health watch – bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health”.
Graphics and audio tapes

Class 9 “Learning to live – basic differences between mother and wife”.
On-line class with role play.

Class 10 “The stove/oven – what is it and how is it used?”
Live demonstration

Note: I have written a reply, and nailed it to her pillow, but I will withhold it until I have heard some comments from you.

/Claes, in dire need of advice...

[Shannanigan]

Class 3 “Is it possible to urinate using the technique of lifting the seat and avoiding the floor, walls and bathtub?”
Group practice

I can only envision :lol:

[Nightshade]

:lol:
you know I might need class 4 somtimes.... but then I dont have a laundry hamper just a corner of the room.


Is this a for real prospectus or is this your wife ticked off??

[AimusSage]

My wife is trying to sign me up for evening classes and has nailed the attached prospectus to my pillow. What do you think LitNet dwellers? Am I in trouble, or something?



Note: I have written a reply, and nailed it to her pillow, but I will withhold it until I have heard some comments from you.

/Claes, in dire need of advice...
Wow, where do I sign up, it sounds like great fun! I really like 5, I didn't know that either, it'll be great to see how the dishes levitate!

Although I think 8 is not for everyone, what if someone has hayfever??

[Nightshade]

order them online!!

[Idril]

My wife is trying to sign me up for evening classes and has nailed the attached prospectus to my pillow. What do you think LitNet dwellers? Am I in trouble, or something?



Yes, I think you are, indeed, in trouble. ;) I would pay special attention to class number 8, it might do a lot to settle her down. :p

[ClaesGefvenberg]

Yes, I think you are, indeed, in trouble. ;) I would pay special attention to class number 8, it might do a lot to settle her down. :pOk, here is the reply I promised, and now I will be in trouble :D

Classes, you say? What utter tosh and drivel...

Class 1 “How to fill up ice cube trays”
Step by step demonstration with slide presentation.

- I don’t use ice cubes (We live in Sweden, for crying out loud: I’m frozen solid half the year anyway)… Fill them up yourself.

Class 2 “The toilet paper roll – does it change itself?”
Round table discussion.

- No it does not, and if you had a look around before you occupied the throne you would note if a refill is needed... That, I’m sure, would be a good deal easier than to holler for more paper once you’re stuck in there (which incidentally seems to be roughly 12 out of 24 available hours!).


Class 3 “Is it possible to urinate using the technique of lifting the seat and avoiding the floor, walls and bathtub?”
Group practice

- Group pra…? No, thank you very much. I prefer solitude. Or to quote a well known compatriot: -I want to be alone...

Class 4 “Fundamental differences between the laundry hamper and the floor”.
Pictures and explanatory graphics

- I did not put the dirty laundry on the floor. It fell off the top of the overflowing laundry hamper.

Class 5 “After dinner dishes – can they fly and levitate into the dishwasher?”
Examples on video

- What dishwasher? I am the sodding dishwasher around here, remember?

Class 6 “Loss of identity – losing the TV remote control to your significant other”.
Help line and support group.

- Smashing idea! I would be happy to take part in such a group... As a teacher: After all, someone will have to teach you how that little appliance actually works. Note: Screaming blue murder while pushing the buttons harder will not make them perform tasks they were never programmed for.

Class 7 “Learning how to find things – starting with looking in the right place and not turning the house upside down while screaming”.
Open forum

- Ah, yes… How am I going to find things if you keep moving them around? I know where I put them. It’s just that they don’t stay there…

Class 8 “Health watch – bringing her flowers is not harmful to your health”.
Graphics and audio tapes

- Yes it is. It would actually be harmful to my health as well as yours. You are allergic to them, remember? If I bring you flowers you will get an allergic reaction, whereupon I as well as said groceries will be thrown off the premises.

Class 9 “Learning to live – basic differences between mother and wife”.
On-line class with role play.

- Great. That, I take it, means that you will finally tell your mother that you moved out of her house years ago, and no longer is her little girl?

Class 10 “The stove/oven – what is it and how is it used?”
Live demonstration

- I can tell you how I use it: I spend most of my free time scraping various burnt in carbohydrates off it. How about keeping an eye on the stuff you put on it?


/Claes (edging towards the fallout shelter....) :goof:

[Idril]

:lol: :lol: :lol:

Oh, you are just asking for it now! ;) I think the fallout shelter is a very good idea.

[dramasnot6]

Oh my Claes, are you sure a fallout shelter will help you now? I think some emergency grovelling skills would do better...:p

[Nightshade]

:lol:
and
a big box of choclates and maybe hide the rat poison and sharp knives....:p

[Scheherazade]

Anyone willing to bet that Claes is sleeping on the sofa tonight?

:p

[Idril]

He'll be lucky if she lets him stay in the house. ;)

[Scheherazade]

He'll be lucky if she lets him stay in the house. ;)Wonder if they have a dog...

http://www.justplayhouses.co.uk/images/doghouse2.jpg

;)

[dramasnot6]

:lol: If they did Claes would have someone to learn grovelling from but if the dog is anything like mine the chocolate would be long gone.

[higley]

Mrs. Claes might just add:

Class 11 "how to administer first aid to oneself."
Field trip to emergency room; active roleplay

Or:

Class 12 "that tent you thought you'd never have to use? Dig it out of the garage."
demonstration

:D

[dramasnot6]

I know my dad would need:

Cooking without the usage of nuclear arms, or at least without the kitchen looking like it had been struck by them. A demonstration on the use of the sponge and broom

[OZEED]

Just hold on one second, ladies!, Claes my dear fellow, might I applaude you on honesty and sharing your feelings(somewhat rough around the edges, but great work;) )
Mrs Claes should look at this as constructive comunication and as an incentive to pave the way for the future, should cook you a steak dinner(medium rare, with a red wine sauce)

Someone get this man a cigar!:thumbs_up

[ClaesGefvenberg]

Oh my Claes, are you sure a fallout shelter will help you now? I think some emergency grovelling skills would do better...:pGrovelling? I don't know how to do that. It's hard to be humble when you are a briliant beacon of perfection :angel: but I am an accomplished growler. Does that count?

and a big box of choclates and maybe hide the rat poison and sharp knives....:pActually, I'm more worried about another sharp object: It's called a thounge, and very sharp... Are band-aids edible, btw?

Anyone willing to bet that Claes is sleeping on the sofa tonight?That may happen...

He'll be lucky if she lets him stay in the houseI feel lucky...

Wonder if they have a dog...We don't, but somehow I still end up in the doghouse on occasion...

:lol: If they did Claes would have someone to learn grovelling from but if the dog is anything like mine the chocolate would be long gone.Can I have the chocolate If I stay in the doghouse? About the grovelling: See my previous response, above.

Class 11 "how to administer first aid to oneself."
Field trip to emergency room; active roleplay.It's easier to run... I know I'm faster ;)

Class 12 "that tent you thought you'd never have to use? Dig it out of the garage."
demonstrationDon't you think it would be a little cold for her in the tent? It is winter after all, so have a heart...


Cooking without the usage of nuclear arms, or at least without the kitchen looking like it had been struck by them. Like I said: I am the dishwasher around here...

Mrs Claes should look at this as constructive comunication and as an incentive to pave the way for the future, should cook you a steak dinner(medium rare, with a red wine sauce) Good Grief, an ally at last :thumbs_up Did you get a list too?

Someone get this man a cigar!:thumbs_upArrrgh! No, anything but that. I would settle for nice wine, as already suggested.

/Claes

[Madhuri]

:lol:

Hey, Claes, whichever place you get to sleep, do keep your comp with you, and share your grief with us....:p

[bluevictim]

Actually, I'm more worried about another sharp object: It's called a thounge, and very sharp... Are band-aids edible, btw?Please tell me that's an alternative spelling for 'tongue', and not for 'thong'.

[Nightshade]

Please tell me that's an alternative spelling for 'tongue', and not for 'thong'.

:lol: LAMO:lol:

[kathycf]

Please tell me that's an alternative spelling for 'tongue', and not for 'thong'.
Gosh, I hope so. A sharp thong is just ...criminal. Claes, if you decide on the second class, I may send my guy with you....:D (and no, I shouldn't have to change it myself! :p )

[Virgil]

Class 7 “Learning how to find things – starting with looking in the right place and not turning the house upside down while screaming”.
Open forum

- Ah, yes… How am I going to find things if you keep moving them around? I know where I put them. It’s just that they don’t stay there…



My wife would want me to take several of those classes, but this number seven she would she would pull me by the ear and force me to attend.

What ever you happens Claes, don't under any circumstances let your wife talk to mine. ;)

[Virgil]

I know my dad would need:

Cooking without the usage of nuclear arms, or at least without the kitchen looking like it had been struck by them. A demonstration on the use of the sponge and broom

Actually my wife would want me to take this too. :lol:

[the Last 13]

I'm going to assume that most of the guys posting here are much older than me.....so perhaps you do need the lists....but dont worry in a few years you can blame it on the senility as opposed to being lazy or tired..or blaming them for doing stuff that they feel needs to be done....sorry to say that most of your list doesn't apply to me right now...but perhaps in a few years I'll need to take a refresher course or something....

[Stanislaw]

awesome...one of my cowrokers got a similar list from his wife, and posted a similar response, It was too funny!

but indeed...why is it always the men that need to change, I mean, how hard is it to check the status of such things as tp, toilet seats, and whether or not the windshield washer fluid in the car is full...its not like automotive responsibilities automatically default to me...er, the men. :D

[ClaesGefvenberg]

Hey, Claes, whichever place you get to sleep, do keep your comp with you, and share your grief with us....:pBut of course :) Ok, I'm out of the doghouse, edging towards the bedroom... No blunt or pointed objects around... I think I'll risk it ;)
Please tell me that's an alternative spelling for 'tongue', and not for 'thong'.Whopsie.... :blush: Ok: "that's an alternative spelling for 'tongue' " ;)
What ever you happens Claes, don't under any circumstances let your wife talk to mine. ;)I hear you... If we do let them discuss us, we'll never hear the end of it...
but dont worry in a few years you can blame it on the senility as opposed to being lazy or tired... Way ahead of you: I already do :lol:
sorry to say that most of your list doesn't apply to me right now...but perhaps in a few yearsGlad to see you're planning to join the club. :D ;)

awesome...one of my cowrokers got a similar list from his wife, and posted a similar response, It was too funny!Er... I have to admit that I didn't actually get the list from the missus (But I could have ). I just found it and decided to stir up some commotion here :lol:
but indeed...why is it always the men that need to change, Because most women think they have the right of interpretation, that's why. You know: "There are two ways of doing this: My way and the wrong way...

/Claes

[jon1jt]

hey you can sleep on my couch for a few days until the wife lets you back in the house! us guys have to stick together!

[Nightshade]

Because most women think they have the right of interpretation, that's why. You know: "There are two ways of doing this: My way and the wrong way...

/Claes

And usually we are right:nod: its all in the extra half gene :p

[Stanislaw]

And usually we are right:nod: its all in the extra half gene :p

thats not so...just because sometimes we have a lapse in judgement, doesn't mean we are wrong...we just aproach problems differently...like using gasoline to start a fire...or better still alchohol spray to start a fire (its an older product from the days of carberator vehicles...meant to give the vehicle a helping hand when starting) :D

[Nightshade]

why would you want to stat a fire??? and arent you never ever meant o se gasoline in case the flame jumps back at you and the can catches fire explodes and takes your head off??

[Stanislaw]

why would you want to stat a fire??? and arent you never ever meant o se gasoline in case the flame jumps back at you and the can catches fire explodes and takes your head off??

well...I never did listen to smokey the bear. :flare: (that not me mad...its me on fire) :p

[dramasnot6]

well...I never did listen to smokey the bear. :flare: (that not me mad...its me on fire) :p

:lol: I would think youd be pretty mad if you were set on fire though!

[Nightshade]

Oh you poor thing.... I hope you milked it for all your worth.:nod:
Although if you read the instructions or just listened to a female....actually I shouldnt really talk should I?:p

[ClaesGefvenberg]

And usually we are right:nod: its all in the extra half gene :pOk, I'll give a closely guarded secret away: You're not... We usually just refrain from arguing the fact due to a well-founded fear (i.e. experience) of an escalated conflict. The things we do to keep the domestic peace... :rolleyes:

/Claes

[Nightshade]

Are you sure about that??? maybe its just a very clever way women have devloped that allows men to think they are right and giving in rather than tell them that actually they are completly and utterly wrong. :p;)

[Stanislaw]

Ok, I'll give a closely guarded secret away: You're not... We usually just refrain from arguing the fact due to a well-founded fear (i.e. experience) of an escalated conflict. The things we do to keep the domestic peace... :rolleyes:

/Claes

:D exactly...sometimes we just accept the inevidible in means of peace.

[ClaesGefvenberg]

maybe its just a very clever way women have devloped that allows men to think they are right and giving in rather than tell them that actually they are completly and utterly wrong. :p;)Ah hem... That does not quite compute with your previous post, now does it? (See below) ;)

And usually we are right:nod: its all in the extra half gene :pThe fact is that we let you win in spite of knowing how right we are. Thus, just to prove my... er your point: Congratulations, you just won! :D :lol: ;)

/Claes :ladysman:

[Virgil]

Ok, I'll give a closely guarded secret away: You're not... We usually just refrain from arguing the fact due to a well-founded fear (i.e. experience) of an escalated conflict. The things we do to keep the domestic peace... :rolleyes:

/Claes

Hey our marriage has evolved to a similar understanding. I wonder if most marriages that last do this. We should save this thought for our discussion of Shakespeare's The Taming of the Shrew.

[Madhuri]

Not all I guess, my father follows that well guarded secret :D, but my brother is just the opposite :rolleyes:

[Virgil]

Not all I guess, my father follows that well guarded secret :D, but my brother is just the opposite :rolleyes:

Oh he may not have learned yet. How long has your brother been married? It took us a good number of years to reach this, and every once in a while we still escalate.

[Madhuri]

He has been married for three years, and I see that his wife is the tolerant one (I should direct her to the radical feminists talks thread :p). :lol:

[Virgil]

He has been married for three years, and I see that his wife is the tolerant one (I should direct her to the radical feminists talks thread :p). :lol:

:lol: Well, that could be part of the problem. If she doesn't fight back then your brother will never learn. Like all wives she's got to make his life miserable. :lol: At least for a little while. :)

[Madhuri]

Like all wives she's got to make his life miserable. :lol:

:lol: :lol:

[zanna]

So, in biology, studying genes, we learned that genes are defective if they don't match . . . if you wanna go by that, all men/boys are just genetic defects, because they've got the XY. But, it only took a few years until we decided that we liked a few of said "genetic defects" enough to put up with them . . . "can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em." ;)
I don't mind not having toilet paper, it's when the toilet hasn't been flushed that gets me. :P

[the Last 13]

So, in biology, studying genes, we learned that genes are defective if they don't match . . . if you wanna go by that, all men/boys are just genetic defects, because they've got the XY. But, it only took a few years until we decided that we liked a few of said "genetic defects" enough to put up with them . . . "can't live with 'em, can't live without 'em." ;)
I don't mind not having toilet paper, it's when the toilet hasn't been flushed that gets me. :P

most genes dont match up......given your definition of genetic defects aperson with blue eyes(bb) doesn't have anything wrong with their genes but a person with brown eyes may assuming that the genetic pair is as such (Bb), then you really have to consider, variables such as codependant genes...(Bb)...where people have green eyes...or gold or grey etc.... really genetic definition doesn't really apply....perhaps you should think of a better arguement........and if this hasn't got to you...I can always go into hair color, hieght and so on......