"The Feral Prince" - Good? Bad? It totally blows? Suggestions?

[Countess]

This is a "birthday present" for someone, so feedback is appreciated...

Gray met gray on that misty morn
On the embattled fields of Ocracoke isle
As two Shetlands roamed their Shakleford Banks
In the shadow of a Silver Lake.

When Spirit joined in the famed Merlin
The two made four and four made eight
Till the salt earth quaked a hundred strong
In the shadow of a Lookout Cape.

But on that morn another mustang joined,
A finer stallion with a swarthy mane
A majestic steed that danced and preened
A glorious gait untrained.

He danced and preened like the Shadowfax King!
Till the crowd arose with glee
And Shackleford shook with astonished delight
as Arod bowed graciously.

For a brief moment in time
it seemed his eye met mine,
then he vanished as he came,
And I thought “Tis right
he’s left alone for such beauty
remain best untamed.”

On misty morns
Remembrance reminds
Of that place where
The horses run free,
Of this imperial prince’s
Flaunty show prance,
Then I smile to myself gratefully.

[Dr Eep]

This is a "birthday present" for someone, so feedback is appreciated...

Gray met gray on that misty morn
On the embattled fields of Ocracoke isle
As two Shetlands roamed their Shakleford Banks
In the shadow of a Silver Lake.

When Spirit joined in the famed Merlin
The two made four and four made eight
Till the salt earth quaked a hundred strong
In the shadow of a Lookout Cape.

But on that morn another mustang joined,
A finer stallion with a swarthy mane
A majestic steed that danced and preened
A glorious gait untrained.

He danced and preened like the Shadowfax King!
Till the crowd arose with glee
And Shackleford shook with astonished delight
as Arod bowed graciously.

For a brief moment in time
it seemed his eye met mine,
then he vanished as he came,
And I thought “Tis right
he’s left alone for such beauty
remain best untamed.”

On misty morns
Remembrance reminds
Of that place where
The horses run free,
Of this imperial prince’s
Flaunty show prance,
Then I smile to myself gratefully.

Wow!! Sophisticated and ethereal. It conjures up a vision as if shot straight from one of the majestic sweeping landscape scenes from the movie, The Lord of the Rings!!

It's completely obvious to me that you are a very gifted poet and I know that this will make a priceless gift as a birthday present!!
The recipient will undoubtedly feel very honored.

Everything about your writing seems right, structured, meaningful and very professional if I may say.

[Countess]

Thanks, Dr. Eep. I really needed to hear that.

*Warm Hugs*

[PrinceMyshkin]

I wouldn't have seen this had I not been flipping back through the archives. This is a wild charge with just enough restraint placed on the reins to keep it in check. Tremendous energy and a love of knocking things over!

Thanks

[ampoule]

Well, I'm certainly glad you brought this forward!

I loved reading it aloud! So, was the birthday boy (I'm assuming) pleased?

[motherhubbard]

Countess- i read this some time back and loved it. Actually I read it several times, but I am often short on time and too often unable to comment. I'm glad that Prince has brought it back up and on a day when I have some time. I always look for your work. You are as talented as you are lovely.

[Pendragon]

God, the memories! I think I have said before that that is my favorite vacation spot. I didn't get to go this year, but hopefully will next. There is something about the whole place that makes it magical for me. There is one inlet on Ocracoke Isle, that I recall very well that could be the setting for your poem. Love it! Give it highest honors!

Pen

http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/PuppyLove.gif