Izzy_140
01-02-2007, 08:58 AM
Hello, i just wondered if anyone could give me their opinions on the piece of writing below. Its the first part of the first chapter, not finished yet. (thats why there are gaps and stars where the characters name should be - i havnt thought of one yet lol :)
All criticisms welcome - if you think its a load of rubbish, please tell me!! I cant seem to review my own work lol
Thanks :)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 1
Alice’s stride didn’t falter as she walked quickly along the gravel pathway leading to the house. Even though her nerves were chewing away at the inside of her stomach. She reached the door, took a deep breath and pressed the doorbell. She heard it ring and took another deep breath, composing herself. Looking at the looming white door, clean and un-weathered, she thought even the house is intimidating. The size of the house was just above average, but compared to Alice’s grim little flat it looked like a mansion. She swiftly swept away the slight twinge of jealousy as the door slid open. She warned herself to be cautious. The door opened to about halfway and a tall shadow stood in the gap. Neither spoke. Alice felt cold as they stared at each other in silence. Even the birds had stopped chirping. She suddenly remembered how to work her mouth and managed to splutter out,
“Mr. Wilson ******? My name is Detective Inspector Alice Lohman. May I speak with you?” She held out her warrant card for him to see. His watery blue eyes stared at it for a moment. He blinked once and looked away, apparently unimpressed. He gazed at the lone willow beside his house. Alice waited patiently for an answer, understanding his reluctance. The fact that she did not press him for an answer seemed to win his approval and he said finally,
“All right.”
She squeezed past him into the narrow hallway. The door closed behind her with a dooming clang. He brushed hurriedly past her without a word. She followed down the dimly lit hallway. His bare feet made relatively no sound compared to her clopping heels on the stone floor. The hallway was very long and it surprised her when it suddenly opened up into a spacious windowed room. The walls were a creamy colour and the floors were wooden. In the centre of the room an almond-coloured, leather sofa stood on an off-white woollen Berber rug. A dark storage chest sat low to the ground in front of it. From where Alice stood, she could just see a chair of a breakfast bar on her right, around the corner of the wall. The open kitchen was one step higher than the rest of the room. It was well lit, the light entering from the opposite wall where patio doors and large windows opened up to a spacious green garden. The overall bright and minimalist effect of the room would normally have relaxed Alice. But not now. Standing in a room with a convicted murderer, she found it quite difficult to relax.
Stepping into the room, Alice noticed the faint scent of vanilla. Polish perhaps.
“Would you like something to drink?” Wilson’s voice sounded harsh and unused. “Tea, Coffee?”
“Just water thank-you.” Alice replied. He turned away from her and walked to the kitchen.
“Please sit down,” he said indicating the sofa. From there she was able to study him. He wore plain dark trousers and a white shirt, which hung loosely on his too-thin frame. He had short brown hair, which changed to blond as it was lit up by the sun when he walked towards her. He handed her the water and she thanked him as he retuned to the kitchen. Directly opposite her, she noticed a large modern fireplace. It was white and black marble, decorated with silver engravings. On top was a single picture neatly finished with a chrome frame. It was of Wilson and his wife, Anna the file said, Alison mused, they look very happy there, I wonder how he could have done it. She jumped as Wilson spoke suddenly, stirring her from her thoughts.
“So what is it that you wanted to speak to me about, Detective Inspector?” Alice couldn’t work out whether his tone was mocking or not. She decided to just continue.
“Mr *****I wondered if I could ask you a few questions about your last murder enquiry?”
“What about it?” he snapped. She had expected him to react like this, to have bitter feelings for the one that had evaded him, the one he couldn’t solve.
All criticisms welcome - if you think its a load of rubbish, please tell me!! I cant seem to review my own work lol
Thanks :)
-----------------------------------------------------------------------------
Chapter 1
Alice’s stride didn’t falter as she walked quickly along the gravel pathway leading to the house. Even though her nerves were chewing away at the inside of her stomach. She reached the door, took a deep breath and pressed the doorbell. She heard it ring and took another deep breath, composing herself. Looking at the looming white door, clean and un-weathered, she thought even the house is intimidating. The size of the house was just above average, but compared to Alice’s grim little flat it looked like a mansion. She swiftly swept away the slight twinge of jealousy as the door slid open. She warned herself to be cautious. The door opened to about halfway and a tall shadow stood in the gap. Neither spoke. Alice felt cold as they stared at each other in silence. Even the birds had stopped chirping. She suddenly remembered how to work her mouth and managed to splutter out,
“Mr. Wilson ******? My name is Detective Inspector Alice Lohman. May I speak with you?” She held out her warrant card for him to see. His watery blue eyes stared at it for a moment. He blinked once and looked away, apparently unimpressed. He gazed at the lone willow beside his house. Alice waited patiently for an answer, understanding his reluctance. The fact that she did not press him for an answer seemed to win his approval and he said finally,
“All right.”
She squeezed past him into the narrow hallway. The door closed behind her with a dooming clang. He brushed hurriedly past her without a word. She followed down the dimly lit hallway. His bare feet made relatively no sound compared to her clopping heels on the stone floor. The hallway was very long and it surprised her when it suddenly opened up into a spacious windowed room. The walls were a creamy colour and the floors were wooden. In the centre of the room an almond-coloured, leather sofa stood on an off-white woollen Berber rug. A dark storage chest sat low to the ground in front of it. From where Alice stood, she could just see a chair of a breakfast bar on her right, around the corner of the wall. The open kitchen was one step higher than the rest of the room. It was well lit, the light entering from the opposite wall where patio doors and large windows opened up to a spacious green garden. The overall bright and minimalist effect of the room would normally have relaxed Alice. But not now. Standing in a room with a convicted murderer, she found it quite difficult to relax.
Stepping into the room, Alice noticed the faint scent of vanilla. Polish perhaps.
“Would you like something to drink?” Wilson’s voice sounded harsh and unused. “Tea, Coffee?”
“Just water thank-you.” Alice replied. He turned away from her and walked to the kitchen.
“Please sit down,” he said indicating the sofa. From there she was able to study him. He wore plain dark trousers and a white shirt, which hung loosely on his too-thin frame. He had short brown hair, which changed to blond as it was lit up by the sun when he walked towards her. He handed her the water and she thanked him as he retuned to the kitchen. Directly opposite her, she noticed a large modern fireplace. It was white and black marble, decorated with silver engravings. On top was a single picture neatly finished with a chrome frame. It was of Wilson and his wife, Anna the file said, Alison mused, they look very happy there, I wonder how he could have done it. She jumped as Wilson spoke suddenly, stirring her from her thoughts.
“So what is it that you wanted to speak to me about, Detective Inspector?” Alice couldn’t work out whether his tone was mocking or not. She decided to just continue.
“Mr *****I wondered if I could ask you a few questions about your last murder enquiry?”
“What about it?” he snapped. She had expected him to react like this, to have bitter feelings for the one that had evaded him, the one he couldn’t solve.