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Adolescent09
12-31-2006, 12:03 AM
Here is a very vague/whimsical short essay I wrote for no particular reason in less than five minutes when I was 14. It's very vague and I try to use some imagery and although I believe it sort of falls flat any comments and suggestions will be well considered.

Today, the eve of New Years Eve is as prosaic and uneventful as the morrow will be or the day after it. My life consists of no exalting odyssey nor capricious tension. I have not family member, friend nor affiliate who may complement its drabness and this the situation is that I am victim to an ineffably, impalliative, malady which forever lingers and grows about my person, much like a venus flytrapper and an insect, the cause of which is my social seclusion and insatiable angst for friendship. Hence, this life prevails I am incapable of reaping the benefits of life, the fine security readily provided by its homonid populace and the redolence of its envoronmental nature which is to me not iridescent, but bland and colorless. The matter of this, your typical person may reason is a dire and imperative need for social mobility and custom, but chances and plausibility have made that perception thoughtless and superfluous. Can my neutral isolation really be a predicament? Is it not a sanction that permits me the universally stroven want for invulnerability against the rashness, ill-dispositioned, and invidious constituents of the world? With the accomodation of provisions and trifling sanitary necessities am I not capable of longevity? With, as the sacrosanct, man might profess, Providence at my side and hope pumping through my veins are not the spears and Maces of Satan and his unconscious abiders, impregnable against my heart of steal? But let chance have it that the positive forces are on my side, invigorated by initial hope, laying the ground upon which I walk before me, even then an impedment comes along, unmarked by devilry and wrongdoing. It is the imperceptible, unperceived edifice which renders the path to glory, uncrossable and although not improvised by humanly strength or celestial bound, is neither penetrable nor destructable.

Then it hits me square in the face. Ethereal shapes float vaguely about it, formulating arbitrary signs, dashes and slants until they are gone and all that is left are wisps of clouds woven in such a way so as to make discernable "Bored? Read a book."

Kudos to thee, my fair untainted angels, rescuers of the mind and soul; your words are marked by true brilliance.

Adolescent09
12-31-2006, 06:37 PM
no one replies :(

dramasnot6
12-31-2006, 08:37 PM
Very nice use of language, but perhaps you could make the storyline a bit more clear

Adolescent09
12-31-2006, 10:10 PM
thanks, that helps. :)

zanna
12-31-2006, 10:39 PM
I like it. Maybe, if you broke it up into smaller paragraphs or sentences, it would be easier to read. Good imagery. The rhetorical questions are powerful . . . very thought provoking. Thanks for sharing it with everyone.

Adolescent09
12-31-2006, 11:01 PM
Thanks for the comment and thank you for reading it zanna.

zanna
12-31-2006, 11:10 PM
Very welcome. Check out my sonnet, hey? Maybe you'd have some advice for me.

livelaughlove
12-31-2006, 11:43 PM
Honestly, it's a bit verbose for me to understand.

Countess
01-02-2007, 01:41 PM
Here it tis:

It reads like and reflects similiar themes as Hesse's "Treatise on Steppenwolf" or Doestoevsky's "Notes from the Underground", or perhaps even Nietzsche's "Thus Spake Zarathustra". I've also similiar themes in "Bastat" and "Inside the Writer's Mind" but I'll spare you self-promotion.

The logical fallacy that plagues you (and indeed, plagues me) can be explained in the following syllogism:

1) People always hurt each other.
2) Isolation prevents this pain.

Thus, isolation is a desirable condition.

The underlying assumption here is that isolation is both achievable and healthy when it isn't. Unless you live alone in the mountains you will never be completely alone, and left in absolute solitude most people go insane.

The problem is life offers us little alternative between the pain of being alone in society and the pain of being completely alone, between the demonic plague of humanity and the demonic plague inside each of us (the darkness).

It is all inescapable.

That said, obviously I appreciate your work (it's well written) and insight into your own mind and the world.

~

Countess
01-02-2007, 01:46 PM
PS: My only disagreement: nature is bland and colorless. I've a dozen poems to the contrary, and the full moon may be the closest thing to God that I know (that and heat lightning). Those things I see with my eyes, and they testify to a superior supreme being of infinite intelligence, brilliance, creativity and mercy, and that gives me hope.

Adolescent09
01-02-2007, 07:41 PM
I thank you kindly Countess and you others for your intellectual replies..but Countess... I believe maybe you read a bit too far into my essay. I was not reflecting on the great works of those authors you mentioned nor insinuating that isolationism abets in clearing one's initial conscience or physique. Although everything you say is indubitably true, you bring up philisophical points to sort of counter what you might have misconstrued in my essay.

My essay is merely a humble, evaluative sattire pertaining to MY life. It does not reflect the lives of other's nor indulge of human's adversities. My essay reflected on a transition that I went through. From ages 8-13, I hated books. I read them reluctantly and rarely wrote, unless it was for some homeschool assignment presented by my mother.. At fourteen I experienced a phenomonal transition. After having read a few classics (The Hunchback of Notre Dame, The Scarlet Pimpernel and The Catcher in the Rye to name a few) I realized that I had a subtle love for books that had been waiting to burst all long. It was my prejudice towards them (slightly triggered by the universal ideology of my community that books are worthless) that made me shun reading for so long.. The first part of that essay talks about how bored I am. I love God, I believe in myself, but I am secluded (as indeed I am.. I'm homeschool and have very few friends..). I am in this lonely world.. which is what I naturally believed before I turned 14. The last part which says "Bored? Read a book" is just comical logic that I discovered at the I age learned my love for books. It's nothing philosophical. Just personal.. but thanks again for commenting.. much appreciated. And thank you all! :)

DrBill
01-11-2007, 01:28 AM
Marvelous example of a precocious mind, even with polysyllabric hyperbole. You must have scared the bejeebers out of your classmates and instructors.

billd/drbill

Adolescent09
01-11-2007, 08:13 AM
Marvelous example of a precocious mind, even with polysyllabric hyperbole. You must have scared the bejeebers out of your classmates and instructors.

billd/drbill

It is a bit heavy, if not potentially protentious and arrogant. Although as someone above imposed, it is verbose and incoherent at times.. Thank you for your two cents on the matter DrBill. Oh and I'm homeschooled. I don't think I scare my mother :P.

xtianfriborg13
11-27-2012, 09:56 PM
You need to be clearer with the use of your words, nonetheless, I like the composition.