Don't drink the water... just drink!

[Dr Eep]

Don't drink the water..

The nutter wheezes out some kind of spahgetti mish mash,
of long fermented wisdom burnt brittle,
and too long on the ambers of adversity.
Spittle sprayed gristle churning away under a yapping chin,
toothless lips drawn to the bone as if being sucked into
the black hole within.
"looks like the yield's going to be good this year,' he declares,
with all the confidence of a hermit octopus sending out a weary tentacle.
I nod back wondering what yield he might be referring to, sitting down to drink at the graduate
in the leafy suburb of Killiney South of Dublin.
"...The grain," he continues,
" is going to be good - it's the tractors these days- more like factories all on their own!"
His eyes never settle on mine but always return to catch them for a millisecond,
about a thousand times a minute I sware,
searching for agreement,and then darting away ready for the ridicule.
'So... he's soft in the head then,' is my immediate call.
The barmans smug look tells me it's going to be a long one - this conversation of ours,
with the first Irishman I meet in Ireland - and he's not right in the head!
So he tells me that TV is a conspiracy to keep the kids dumb,
and that the Martello towers are making every one insane because they're keeping the sewage
from flowing out to sea - "Don't be drinking the water by the sea over here son!" he says
"It'll drive you mad it will!"
And yes, you know what I'm thinking " well how much have you had to drink old mate,"
is squirming in my head itching for release.
For two hours I exercise my neck and agree and empathise and mm- hmmm and uh- huh,
The arrogant stinking son of a ***** that I am!!
But he thinks I'm the nicest goddam fellow he'd met in a while - a real kindred spirit!!

So finally I use inebriation as an excuse to escape and i find my way out into the chill of an Irish night.
Numbed by the alcohol and nonsense I stamble on down to Killiney bay where
the sea just lays down to shore - no waves, it just lies there like a cold accepting whore,
and I see looming large - the silhouetted unmistakeable shape of some forgotten martello tower
on Dalkey Island.
And I see another drunkard leaning up against it,
and he's laughing hysterically and then he's crying uncontrollably, swaying and swearing and singing!
And I shout out to help the poor afflicted soul now being qualified and ordained to do so,
I says, " don't be drinking the water by this sea mate -it'll drive you mad it will!!"
And he stops his braying and slides a look my way as if to acknowledge my great truth,
my great revelation,
and he whispews a slurred thanks - and with that, grinning inanely at each other we both topple to the hard ground and pass out.

The nutter slept in bed that night...;)

[Riesa]

what a poem! Dr. Eep...enjoyed every word, (except for the misspelled ones ;) unless you did that on purpose? :p )

I'm not talking about whispews. but spahgetti and sware.


with all the confidence of a hermit octopus sending out a weary tentacle.

And I shout out to help the poor afflicted soul now being qualified and ordained to do so
:thumbs_up



I liked it, just sat here and read it to my cat! She liked it too. :D

Keep 'em coming!

[Virgil]

Fantastic!!! That is a A #1 poem. I loved it. So creative!

Here are some of my favorite lines:

Spittle sprayed gristle churning away under a yapping chin,
toothless lips drawn to the bone as if being sucked into
the black hole within.


And yes, you know what I'm thinking " well how much have you had to drink old mate,"
is squirming in my head itching for release.


Numbed by the alcohol and nonsense I stamble on down to Killiney bay where
the sea just lays down to shore - no waves, it just lies there like a cold accepting whore,


Almost like an Irish version of Robert Frost. :thumbs_up But it's you, Dr. Eap, no one else. :)

[Laindessiel]

with all the confidence of a hermit octopus sending out a weary tentacle

If it's not copyrighted, can I use it sometime, Dr. Eep? It's hilarious!


So he tells me that TV is a conspiracy to keep the kids dumb,
and that the Martello towers are making every one insane because they're keeping the sewage


the sea just lays down to shore - no waves, it just lies there like a cold accepting whore,

*still laughing*

The poem/story didn't bore me at all, Dr. Eep! Very entertaining! :) :)

[Dr Eep]

Thanks so much Riesa, Virgil and Laindessiel!!

All 3 of you are absolute legends so I'm very flattered that you would take the time to comment - Thanks again!

Yep, my spelling is not the best, but you were right about the intentional 'whispew' there Riesa:) It's an attempt to combine the words whisper and spew as was the earlier attempt to combine the words stumble and amble.

Also, it's probably evident that I don't really know what I'm doing when it comes to punctuation and I often get my tenses wrong as well.

This story is actually half true - the whole bit up until I leave the bar to explore the night, actually happened! I had just arrived in Dublin and that old guy really was the first person to strike up a conversation with me! I hope you did find this funny to some degree because that was my intention in writing it. Virgil, blow New York a kiss foe me for Xmas will ya? Riesa, give your cat an extra cuddle and Laindessiel.... keep on laughing!! Merry Xmas all of you - thanks for your friendship!!:)

[B-Mental]

Thanks so much Riesa, Virgil and Laindessiel!!

All 3 of you are absolute legends so I'm very flattered that you would take the time to comment - Thanks again!

Yep, my spelling is not the best, but you were right about the intentional 'whispew' there Riesa:) .......

Also, it's probably evident that I don't really know what I'm doing when it comes to punctuation and I often get my tenses wrong as well.



Bravo on a wonderful poem, and ummm begging my pardon, but to hell with the punctuation. If it feels right just do it, its poetry! So kick back, relax, tune in to your favorite sound of sunshine, and post another whopper here...

Can you dig it?

I SAID, "CAN YOU DIG IT!"

[Dr Eep]

I can dig it!! Thanks so much B- Mental!! I appreciate it - Merry Xmas to you too!!

[Riesa]

yeah! to hell with punctuation! it was great the way it was, I thought.

very few poems get me back for a re-read, but this one did..Dr. Eep!!

(kitty likes the extra cuddles) :lol:

[Laindessiel]

Thanks so much Riesa, Virgil and Laindessiel!!

You're willkomen, Dr. Eep! I think that you are one of the most gifted poets in this side of the Internet! :nod:


All 3 of you are absolute legends so I'm very flattered that you would take the time to comment - Thanks again!

Uh...me. Me? A legend? :p


Also, it's probably evident that I don't really know what I'm doing when it comes to punctuation and I often get my tenses wrong as well.

I'm usually very cautious about punctuation marks but I just noticed it when you mentioned it, so I guess no big deal there!


Laindessiel.... keep on laughing!! Merry Xmas all of you - thanks for your friendship!!:)

I wouldn't mind being friends with Dr. Bono...*cough* I mean Dr. Eep... :p

Happy Holidays to you too, Dr. Eep!

[Pendragon]

At the risk of sounding repetitive, mate, this line was my favorite as well:


with all the confidence of a hermit octopus sending out a weary tentacle. What with the drink and the sea, it stirred up a vision of Davey Jones from the new Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest movie, (shades of H.P. Lovecraft...) :thumbs_up On the poem. And I'm with Riesa-- when it comes to good poetry, sometimes say blast the punctuation!

[Triskele]

Don't drink the water..

long fermented wisdom burnt brittle,
and too long on the ambers of adversity.

;)

yeah, its quite nice, the ecclectic wording adds to the imagery of th character. thanks for sharing it

[dramasnot6]

Don't drink the water..

The nutter wheezes out some kind of spahgetti mish mash,
of long fermented wisdom burnt brittle,
and too long on the ambers of adversity.
Spittle sprayed gristle churning away under a yapping chin,
toothless lips drawn to the bone as if being sucked into
the black hole within.
"looks like the yield's going to be good this year,' he declares,
with all the confidence of a hermit octopus sending out a weary tentacle.
I nod back wondering what yield he might be referring to, sitting down to drink at the graduate
in the leafy suburb of Killiney South of Dublin.
"...The grain," he continues,
" is going to be good - it's the tractors these days- more like factories all on their own!"
His eyes never settle on mine but always return to catch them for a millisecond,
about a thousand times a minute I sware,
searching for agreement,and then darting away ready for the ridicule.
'So... he's soft in the head then,' is my immediate call.
The barmans smug look tells me it's going to be a long one - this conversation of ours,
with the first Irishman I meet in Ireland - and he's not right in the head!
So he tells me that TV is a conspiracy to keep the kids dumb,
and that the Martello towers are making every one insane because they're keeping the sewage
from flowing out to sea - "Don't be drinking the water by the sea over here son!" he says
"It'll drive you mad it will!"
And yes, you know what I'm thinking " well how much have you had to drink old mate,"
is squirming in my head itching for release.
For two hours I exercise my neck and agree and empathise and mm- hmmm and uh- huh,
The arrogant stinking son of a ***** that I am!!
But he thinks I'm the nicest goddam fellow he'd met in a while - a real kindred spirit!!

So finally I use inebriation as an excuse to escape and i find my way out into the chill of an Irish night.
Numbed by the alcohol and nonsense I stamble on down to Killiney bay where
the sea just lays down to shore - no waves, it just lies there like a cold accepting whore,
and I see looming large - the silhouetted unmistakeable shape of some forgotten martello tower
on Dalkey Island.
And I see another drunkard leaning up against it,
and he's laughing hysterically and then he's crying uncontrollably, swaying and swearing and singing!
And I shout out to help the poor afflicted soul now being qualified and ordained to do so,
I says, " don't be drinking the water by this sea mate -it'll drive you mad it will!!"
And he stops his braying and slides a look my way as if to acknowledge my great truth,
my great revelation,
and he whispews a slurred thanks - and with that, grinning inanely at each other we both topple to the hard ground and pass out.

The nutter slept in bed that night...;)

Mindblowing description but the storyline is a bit incoherent and unclear...

[Riesa]

Mindblowing description but the storyline is a bit incoherent and unclear...


:eek: did I really just read that?

[jon1jt]

just fantastic dr eep! i see you've finally sounded your barbaric yawp gracing us with this wonderful treasure from the seascapes of old Ireland, arg! :) i love it!


Spittle sprayed gristle churning away under a yapping chin,
toothless lips drawn to the bone as if being sucked into
the black hole within.

Yes! i was there the night on that beach "clocked" many a times, as one of my friends---who happens to be Irish, loves to put our occasional sad inebriated moments together! this poem speaks with a universal voice, all bubbling with life and culture! it reminds me of U2s performance at the superbowl after September 11 when Bono shouts, "America? AMERICA?" this shouts "Ireland!" in the same wild spirit!

now do i have this right, that the end of the poem is fiction? if so, i'm thoroughly disappointed (!) because the poem is so darn good n' gritty i just wanna believe it happened!

An ode to spirits of an another age in Ginsbergesque-1950s-Beat-Epic-Fashion with every line shouting a piece of our lives, shouting life from waterfront bars to midnight shores in timeless imperfection! the title made me laugh out loud!

i read your poem to my kitty and afterward she cried for the whole container of catnip! :)


and he whispews a slurred thanks - and with that, grinning inanely at each other we both topple to the hard ground and pass out. The nutter slept in bed that night


Amen.

[ktd222]

It does, like everyone else has pointed out, has vivid descriptions; and the connection with the characters and their surroundings, to the water, was intelligently done, I must say. But some references I didn't get like the part where the sea 'lays like a cold accepting horror.'

Overall it was good, I liked it. I disagree with dram. that the storyline is 'incoherent'.

[Riesa]

i read your poem to my kitty and afterward she cried for the whole container of catnip! :)



funny, my kitty went for the Jameson after I read this to her, must be her Irish roots. I think she used up all of her catnip after I read her Along a Pathless Wood; all of this wild poetry is making her a little erratic, in fact lately she has been "laughing hysterically and then she's crying uncontrollably, swaying and swearing and singing"

crazy cat.

[jon1jt]

LMAO! riesa!!! oh you'll scare your little kitty with my poems!

hey i like Jameson...and Guiness! gotta love the irish!! :)

[Riesa]

LMAO! riesa!!! oh you'll scare your little kitty with my poems!

:)


au contraire...she's got poopie adventures taped up in her litter box.

:lol:

(that's terrible, I know :blush: forgive me, I couldn't resist)

:p

sorry for the hijack, dr. eep. :)


http://i71.photobucket.com/albums/i121/RiesaRiesa/guiness.jpg


Long live the Irish