Minwoo

[Avalive]

OOW NIM ROF


For the unspeakable words she'd write a poem while you sing a song

Once,twice,thrice, may the next time you hum a tune, she finds you

Rivers will then carry her boat to the bay at which your heart dwells

Melting snow is bathing the shadow of the early morning sun and her grace

Into your pure existence beauty grows on the trees with all loveliness

No such lark hums dreamily as your voice dose so dear and near

Winter embraced you long and now let her unwrap you with her baptized hands

On your scarred skin her kisses left their marks to seal that unowned heart

Once, twice, thrice, may the last time you find her, you find love

[ktd222]

I like the connection you sought to create between the writer and singer. The relationship between the two seems disjoined to begin. Then as I read on down your poem I saw the speaker searching to connect the two: ‘may the next time you hum a tune, she finds you/Rivers will then carry her boat to the bay at which your heart dwells.’ This is a simple illustration, yet, to me, the image of her words as being the map for the singer to follow and arrive at it’s(the words) purpose is very powerful. It’s the words that are not to be spoken but listened to, right?
The use of ‘Once, twice, thrice’ is used to show stubbornness on the singer’s part, or not knowing? I’m not sure because on the last line the phrase is used again but I’m not sure if it’s to show stubbornness or used for some other effect.
What was your purpose for setting the poem up in this form? The flow from line to line confused me at times and muddled the illustrations. Are the end-breaks on particular lines acting like punctuation?
Anyways the poem was good, and the images produced were subtle and dreamily immersive; and I felt awakened in a dream where the singer’s voice subsides and the writer’s words can finally be heard and felt.

[white camellia]

As this appears to me, maybe, "sing a song" is not that a man is actually singing a song; "write a poem" is not that a woman is actually writing a poem. And the woman in it gives a feeling of Spirit. There are two lonely souls seeking each other; they may be some farmiliar strangers, but connected in a mistical way. To find a true love, there's much to go through, especially when the soul is not awakened, and the Fate interrupts.

[Avalive]

White Camellia's post is the answer to all KTD222's confusions. ( Camellia knows my heart. ) It's actually a very plain and straight forward poem. Pay attention to every first letter of each line, you can find the title of the poem, which is also the reason why I wrote it.


F
O
R
M
I
N
W
O
O

[ktd222]

I do like Camelia's paraphrase; but what Camelia said doesn't clear up all my questions. Do people who post poems not expect a little criticsm? Writing poetry is a learning process, right?

[Avalive]

I do like Camelia's paraphrase; but what Camelia said doesn't clear up all my questions. Do people who post poems not expect a little criticsm? Writing poetry is a learning process, right?



Smile.

I'm sorry if I made you feel that I neglected any of your questions. Talk about criticsm, I'd have to say that's the best thing I can expect to receive from whoever ever care to give one. I'm a very "messy" person, when it comes to writing. I can hardly manage to write, which means I don't really have an ability to pen a decent poem. However, sometimes when my emotion takes over and I feel like I want to write something just to myself feel a little bit better, I write. To me, the poem is not about how it turns out to be. Cause eventually it is only a piece of incoherently sentimental talk to myself. So the poem, to me, is about sharing myself with me at that moment. I can't really write, hehe, that's why my poem made you feel confused, I do have problem expressing myself I guess. ( May Muse inspire my dull mind )

Really, thanks for reading and commenting.

[Dr Eep]

Avalive wrote;
"I'm a very "messy" person, when it comes to writing. I can hardly manage to write, which means I don't really have an ability to pen a decent poem."

Give me a break!!;) That is so not true - These sorts of poems require quite a bit of attention to detail and I thought you pulled it off magnificently!

[ktd222]

I liked your poem!!!
I did not mean to hint at all that you're poem was 'incoherent,' or that you are a 'messy' writer. Far from it!
Camelia and I both had overlapping sentiments about your poem; that there was this journey involved in 'connecting' the two characters in your poem; and that there was an otherworldly feel required for such a connection to happen.
The way you write is the same way in which I write, which is at the moment in which inspiration strikes.
Critiscm can only help, and you could always ignore it if you think the comments and questions are false.
So I hope you keep on writing, and I look forward to reading some more of your poetry.