Help please :)

[Kluna]

Hello i didnt know where to put this thread, but i need some assistance for wrong usage of articles. Im sending poem for competition and i dont have anyone to corect those things, so i will put some sentances and plese pay attancion to the articles. Tnx in advance :)

in the smell of ground

the color doesnt matter

in a chatter of pigeon's

on a dusty shelves

[PeterL]

in the smell of ground

the color doesnt matter

in a chatter of pigeon's

on a dusty shelves

I assume that you want the usage of articles corrected.

"in the smell of ground" This line looks fine.

"the color doesnt matter" This could be OK, or the article could be dropped. It depends on what you want readers to think of the relationship (or lack threrof) between color and smell.

"in a chatter of pigeon's" Like the last line, this may be fine. You might also want to use "the" in stead of "a".

"on a dusty shelves" "A" is wrong. You should either use "the" or no article.

Word usage in poetry is not as well-defined as in prose, and sometimes the right word for the poem isn't the right word in general usage. Using the wrong word puts emphasis on that word and words that it relates to.

[Kluna]

Tnx a lot :)

[Laindessiel]

Peter said everything. I may have said exactly the same thing. :)

[Whifflingpin]

Hello i didnt know where to put this thread, but i need some assistance for wrong usage of articles. Im sending poem for competition and i dont have anyone to corect those things, so i will put some sentances and plese pay attancion to the articles. Tnx in advance :)

in the smell of ground

the color doesnt matter

in a chatter of pigeon's

on a dusty shelves

There are many possibilities, depending on the sentences in which the phrases occur. Below are some examples.


The scent of the violets was lost in the smell of the ground .
A farmer finds deep satisfaction in the smell of ground that is well tilled.

Red or white, the color doesn't matter.
Color doesn't matter to a blind man.

The cat landed in a chatter of pigeons.
There is no meaning in the chatter of pigeons.
In the chatter of a pigeon's tongue can be heard the cackling of a fool.
In the chatter of pigeons' tongues can be heard the cackling of fools.

No-one puts silk scarves on dusty shelves.
The bottle stood on a dusty shelf.
Many books lay on the dusty shelves.

[Kluna]

Thank you Whiff, that was really helpfull :)

but can i say in the chatter of dove's wing or in the flutter of the same one?

[Whifflingpin]

"can i say in the chatter of dove's wing or in the flutter of the same one?"

If it's your poem, you can, of course say what you like.

However, chatter implies a sharp staccato sound - children, monkeys, machine guns all chatter.

Doves' wings are more likely to flutter - that's a swift but soft movement. So "in the flutter of a dove's wing" or "in the flutter of doves' wings" would be more probable.

.

[subterranean]

"in a chatter of pigeon's" Like the last line, this may be fine. You might also want to use "the" in stead of "a".


I said the line few times, comparing bettween "the" and "a" and as Peter posted, I think "the" makes it sound better as somewhat it gives stronger emphasize to the whole line (IMO).