Help with Plot?

[brainstrain]

Even answering one of the following questions would be incredibly useful to me and my imaginings.

Ok, I have been working on for about a year (I have school, friends, piano, choir, and church to keep up with as well so I dont have much time) the many complex plots of a place i call Asengard. The main one consits is that of David, a fallen enternal (like angels, except they are atheist and dont normally die) who was, in a word, shattered, by...by...oh good gracious. i forgot what i named him. Gazeth! Thats it. And thats my first question:

1. Is Gazeth a good/bad/mediocore name for the main villian?

David's powers, physical form, and personalities were broken into shards and scattered throughout the galaxy of GreenGate, or Gratia (GREY-shuh). A large shard landed on Asengard, infusing itself into a young boy named Ivan, just born in a secret cave on the edge of the Valley of Seasons. Overall, the plot is reuniting the shards of David and returning balance to Gratia. I won't get into the rest, but here are the rest of my questions:

2. From what you just read, is it a stupid plot?

3. Do you think elemental magic is cliched? even if my magic is based on 8 elements, not 4 (red, orange, brown, black, purple, yellow, green, blue. The colors allow for interesting symbolic relationships)

4. What do you think of the following city names:
-KomKarli
-Nabal
-E'Koralis
all of the above are not in Asengard, but are the main cities which rule Gratia
-Crosswinds
-Autum
-Zora'ai (Zor-ai-uh)
-Lunacris
-Soleas
-Nishra
all cities in Asengard, crucial in varying degrees to the overall plot.

Any and all responses are greatly appreciated!

[certiorari]

1. I think Gazeth is a cool name for a villian. :)

2. It’s not a stupid plot. It does remind me, however, about Harry Potter. Since (I hope I’m not giving away anything if you haven’t read the sixth book or something) Voldemort spread his soul and embedded seven pieces in the possessions of the four founders of Hogwarts (and some of his personal items). Harry has to destroy the souls to kill Voldemort, so there can be peace in the wizarding world.

3. I personally like the eight elements idea, it’s much more interesting than the regular fire, water, earth, air thing.

4. I like the names, but I don’t know too much about city names and all that.

My only concern is the plot. While it is very much your own, it just reminds me of Harry Potter, to me. But if I walked into a bookstore and saw a book with this plot, I would pick it up.

[SummerSolstice]

Here's my thoughts:

1) First off, the most general idea: the genre. Epic fantasy is a fabulous genre with so much creative potential, I'm not saying otherwise. And I'm by no means part of the publisher's community (Even as an author, I've never even sent a manuscript or a query letter so far, much less been published). But you'd have a big hill to climb in the publishing world, I'd think, since the only really respected bit of adult epic fantasy is Lord of the Rings. Maybe because of that, everything else looks a little chintzy from a distance--they all look like LotR wannabes, whether they are or not. So there's that to consider. And all that's even if you CARE to get published. So anyway. :D

2)The name, "Asengard." Probably won't help your "I'm not a LotR wannabe" case when your world's name sounds so much like Saruman's home, Isengard. D'oh! Don't worry, I've done the exact same thing on many occasions.

3) As for your cliche questions, it's shaky ground. It's easy to say "yes," but it's also unfair since recurring motifs are often the lifeblood of any genre, and epic fantasy is something people have been at since ancient Rome, so there are few, if any, original themes to draw on. If you've got some new twist on an old tale (which is what any such legend-and-lore type story is all about), something that really jumps out and makes you say, "Hey, yeah! This IS different!" you don't have a thing to worry about. Those old themes just serve as a firm foundation for your unique story. Since you said you didn't include a lot of what you've got, there's plenty of room for that.

Your names sound good, no worries there. I'd also like to suggest, if you haven't heard of it already, to find The Hero's Journey somewhere online. It's a template that all the great stories of adventure follow in one way or another, from the Iliad to Star Wars. It can add a lot of richness to a story. Check it out! ^_^

[Misscaroline]

1. The name of Gazeth sounds pretty cool. I like it. Usually you want your villain names, if they are outright villains that is, then you want something with a chilly ring to it... You know what I mean? You don't want an old codger like my ex-English teacher to mistake things (he still firmly believes that Erik Magnus Lehnsherr is the protagonist of the X-Men movies)! And I do agree with SummerSolstice-- if you're not married to your Asengard, at least contemplate a name change.

2. The plot does not seem stupid, and I agree that it could be an interesting new twist on an old theme. I see where ceritorari has a point with the HP similarities, but I also think that a unification for the positive could be a new spin. But you might want to think of other plot complications in addition: does your protagonist seek out help? Does he have any earhtly relationships? What is your antagonist doing in the meantime? (That is quite important, since an antagonist isn't really that powerful unless he continually tries to oppose your protagonist.) If you're worried about being unique, or interesting, work out a few more details and see if a few new complications will add a little more depth to the story. (Deep enough, I'm sure- just trying to help...)

3. Again, trying a new twist is very interesting. Just some advice: try to define what, specifically, each "elemental" does. Don't try to cross too many wires and get your readers confused. Also, show don't tell. When you get around to it, any interesting skills and magics ought to be worked in in action, not word of mouth. I do like the elemental idea-- and I'm not trying to be harsh. I've learned all of this fromexperience...

4. I love your names! They are all very unique, and I would be interested to see what comes out of each of them. My one comment- unless the city Crosswinds is particularly significant, I would recommend adding a few more familiar sounding names to the list or changing it. I love it personally, but unless it's the climax location or something, I don't think it quite fits the style of the others.

Best of luck, dear writer!

[kelby_lake]

the names are all quite good and fit with the genre
it sounds interesting although i'm not much of a fan with the genre