Anyone want to critique my poem?

[dramasnot6]

ive been writing poetry for about 3 years now. i really love it but so far i havent put it anywhere public and my readers have consisted of my parents and close friends. but coming here to this exceptional, wonderful forum with so many intellectual and talented people i think i have finnaly found a place to stick a few poems up. It would be great of anyone had any suggestions, i love constructive criticism.

Well, i wrote this one almost 2 years ago after reading The Crucible by Arthur Miller. It's jsut about the injustice of the Salem Witch trials. For some reason its always been one of my favorites, but i guess to you have to have a little bit of background knowledge of the witchhunts. But all of you guys are very smart and im sure most of you do have that knowledge. Thanks everyone!!! i look forward to any suggestions/thoguhts.



Salem Poem 2

Wicked girl with a daunting face
Lurking in her sockets, the look of blank space
Lovingly cradles her battered knees
Looking to god, showering Him with pleas
Waits for the answer and feasts on fleas

Hell of the Accused
The townspeople mused
I’m sorry; your baby’s not excused
Stocks reused

Devil’s whore with poking ribs
Now only wears chained up bibs
Little head trembles and cowers
Not old enough to count her last hours

Bewitched demon sings a hymn
Voice grows stronger as the lights slowly dim
Prays and prays
But the sentence stays
All because she learned to swim


By Mira

[toni]

You mean you wrote that when you were 12?
You are simply amazing.:) Youv'e written a wonderful poem, dramasnot.
You impress me everyday.:) I especially liked the lines:

"Hell of the Accused
The townspeople mused" &

"Devil’s whore with poking ribs
Now only wears chained up bibs
Little head trembles and cowers
Not old enough to count her last hours"

I am not very familiar with witch hunts, I just watch them sometimes documented on National Geographic, but I am really intrested with the medieval witch burnings, could you recommend any books on the subject?

Anyway, we have the same critiques. Mom and Dad and Sisters and friends..:)

[Dr Eep]

Well, I've just learnt something from you about those witchhunts - that little children were also suspects from time to time. Unbelievable! Thanks for a great poem. Great rythym to your poetry!!

[dramasnot6]

You mean you wrote that when you were 12?
You are simply amazing.:) Youv'e written a wonderful poem, dramasnot.
You impress me everyday.:) I especially liked the lines:

"Hell of the Accused
The townspeople mused" &

"Devil’s whore with poking ribs
Now only wears chained up bibs
Little head trembles and cowers
Not old enough to count her last hours"

I am not very familiar with witch hunts, I just watch them sometimes documented on National Geographic, but I am really intrested with the medieval witch burnings, could you recommend any books on the subject?

Anyway, we have the same critiques. Mom and Dad and Sisters and friends..:)

oh thank you very kindly! im really glad you liked it. And please thank everyone else for me too, i guess sweetness runs in your family:)
There are suprisingly few novels out there about witch hunts, which is a shame considering what great material it is. But two i have enjoyed, especially the first which i reccomend most, is The Crucible by Arther Miller and Witch Child by Celia Rees.
Thanks again! Its especially great to get critique from fellow young writers. Especially one as talented as yourself. Hope you can find some good reading!

[dramasnot6]

Well, I've just learnt something from you about those witchhunts - that little children were also suspects from time to time. Unbelievable! Thanks for a great poem. Great rythym to your poetry!!

Thank you!! yea, its really sad how they accused people so young. I was just heartstricken when reading that a 4 year girl was hung. I guess thats why i wrote such a harsh poem, but i think for good cause. Similar things sometimes happen today too,mere children enslaved and punished for things they couldnt even understand ,let alone do.

[sanctus]

ive been writing poetry for about 3 years now. i really love it but so far i havent put it anywhere public and my readers have consisted of my parents and close friends. but coming here to this exceptional, wonderful forum with so many intellectual and talented people i think i have finnaly found a place to stick a few poems up. It would be great of anyone had any suggestions, i love constructive criticism.

Well, i wrote this one almost 2 years ago after reading The Crucible by Arthur Miller. It's jsut about the injustice of the Salem Witch trials. For some reason its always been one of my favorites, but i guess to you have to have a little bit of background knowledge of the witchhunts. But all of you guys are very smart and im sure most of you do have that knowledge. Thanks everyone!!! i look forward to any a

In my experience on the net thus far, usually when someone invites others to critique their poem it is generally a sign that that person should choose another way to express their creativity. I am not being nasty, just brutally honest.

Your poem, to begin with, was cliched. The first thing you must do is drop this ideology that because you made every line rhyme, it is now a poem.

If one must resort to using rhymes in a poem, one must, just must, remember format and flow when doing so. Rhyming is not the point of poetry, and in fact I wish someone would go to all the schools in Canada(and the USA) and drive this point home to kids who consider themselves poets.

I appreciate your thought that went into this piece of writing, but in the future refrain from forcing rhymes into a piece of work. Secondly, pay careful attention to how a piece flows when read..read it out loud if you need to.Pay also, and this is important, attention to line content and metre.

[Vedrana]

Secondly, pay careful attention to how a piece flows when read..read it out loud if you need to.Pay also, and this is important, attention to line content and metre.

I can't say I totally agree about rhyming, because I don't think poems that don't rhyme are necessarily better than poems that do. I know that rhyming has become such a cliche, but then there are some wonderful poems that do rhyme and are no worse for it.

However, I do agree with what you said regarding rhythm and meter, because if the poem doesn't come out as easily as it could, then it sounds too laboured, if you know what I mean.

But anyway, dramasnot, you were just 12 when you wrote this, and I sure as hell wasn't preoccupied with rhythm and meter at that age. Just keep on working at your poetry. It's important to write for yourself, if not to please others.