Once Upon A Time

[Misscaroline]

Don't be afraid to tell me what you think- I'd rather be told that it should have a great red stamp of 'Abomination' on it than hear no answers. I have to read this for a mandatory poetry reading shortly, and I wrote it late at night at 38000 feet- so clearly, I don't trust my own editing judgment. Thanks (for putting up with me...)!

Ev’ry now and then
I long for the sweet happily ever after.
The songs of childhood,
Innocence, buttercups, storytime, and laughter.
When early bedtimes
Were the least of our youthful and naïve worries,
And ev’ry villain,
Sinister and devious and mustachioed,
Is swiftly captured
And served just desserts before the episode’s end.
If ev’ry story
Had a hero, a prince and his iv’ry stallion
Riding off into
The dazzling sunset across the lush grassy knoll,
There’d be no heroes—
The world would be perfect; heroes would fade away.
Evil stepmothers
And villains would be nothing more than a nightmare,
And poor Prince Charming
Becomes unemployed with no damsel in distress.
No witches, towers,
Enemies, curses, Cruellas, Snidely Whiplash.
Praise antagonists,
For life feeds on conflict, on our struggles, on strife.
Without our Frollos--
Life would be bland, tasteless, a trivial pursuit.
No opposition
Begets no fun, no interest—life fades away.
Ev’ry now and then
I long for the sweet happily ever after—
Then I realize
That a perfect world is a world without laughter.

((Thanks for reading!:D Miss Caroline))

[Dr Eep]

Don't be afraid to tell me what you think- I'd rather be told that it should have a great red stamp of 'Abomination' on it than hear no answers. I have to read this for a mandatory poetry reading shortly, and I wrote it late at night at 38000 feet- so clearly, I don't trust my own editing judgment. Thanks (for putting up with me...)!

Ev’ry now and then
I long for the sweet happily ever after.
The songs of childhood,
Innocence, buttercups, storytime, and laughter.
When early bedtimes
Were the least of our youthful and naïve worries,
And ev’ry villain,
Sinister and devious and mustachioed,
Is swiftly captured
And served just desserts before the episode’s end.
If ev’ry story
Had a hero, a prince and his iv’ry stallion
Riding off into
The dazzling sunset across the lush grassy knoll,
There’d be no heroes—
The world would be perfect; heroes would fade away.
Evil stepmothers
And villains would be nothing more than a nightmare,
And poor Prince Charming
Becomes unemployed with no damsel in distress.
No witches, towers,
Enemies, curses, Cruellas, Snidely Whiplash.
Praise antagonists,
For life feeds on conflict, on our struggles, on strife.
Without our Frollos--
Life would be bland, tasteless, a trivial pursuit.
No opposition
Begets no fun, no interest—life fades away.
Ev’ry now and then
I long for the sweet happily ever after—
Then I realize
That a perfect world is a world without laughter.

((Thanks for reading!:D Miss Caroline))

It's true that all of this hardship will one day lead to a fullness of joy!!

A very nice feel good poem - thanks for sharing!!

[Ubiquitous Prat]

It is good. But just too long for me. Perhaps that's just my taste. I think if it were 3 diffrent poems, it could work better. You certainly picked a decent subject.

[RobinHood3000]

I rather like it, although I suspect it'll be even better spoken.

[trismegistus]

Honestly I would edit out the lines from "Praise antagonists..." to "begets no fun..."

I think you're being too heavy handed with your theme in this section; you've got to trust your reader to reach your frame of mind, especially since your closing lines make your point anyway.

Other than that I think it a fine poem. IMO its rhythms are especially noteworthy; you use line breaks and punctuation very well in that regard.

[kathycf]

Good work. I really like the way you structured it, and the ending 3 lines are quite good. I do tend to agree with the advice given by trismegistus though. Your ending lines make your point better than than the section about conflict and antagonists...

[Misscaroline]

Well, thanks. And like I said- not totally lucid at the time of its creation. Rather sleepy with a five year old clawing at my arm, actually. But I appreciate the sentiment, since I'll be forced to present it at a reading next Thursday... I'd rather be blushing because I'm proud and a horrible public speaker than because I'm embarassed and a horrible public speaker...

So thanks! MC