poetry contest offshoot

[mir]

i thought this was a really good idea of Petrarch Love's, to have a thread where people could comment on the poems we wrote for the poetry contests. so this is mine written about Holograph's Dali picture

picture: http://portodaspipas.blogs.sapo.pt/arquivo/Dali-christ.JPG

poem:

Empty Eucharist
Hung in endless sky
Below, the boats
Wait their own chance to die.

Consecrated cross
Clouds swelled red with blood
Shifting seas
High and low both the flood.

Prickling punishment
The thorns in his crown
Forgive the fishermen
And lay your burden down.

[Petrarch's Love]

Hi Mir--I just noticed that you also started a thread for your contest poem. I wanted to say that I liked the sound of your poem. You have a nice ear for language flow. I thought the first stanza was your best. "Empty eucharist" is an arresting phrase, and it drew me into the poem. I wish you had somehow put in an extra word or phrase that explained a little why you chose "empty" as your adjective, though, instead of sort of leaving it hanging there (maybe you did and I just missed it :blush:). I also liked the line about the boats that "wait their own chance to die."

[jon1jt]

mir just want to say this is a top notch poem you got here... you really capture the essence of that picture...wow.

[mir]

thanks, guys! :)

petrarch, where's yours?