ssjandu
11-07-2006, 10:19 PM
well i'm trying to write a college essay. same thing posted as before, but it was a different subject and i think people weren't reading all the way down to the actual essay. here it is so far:
“You don't know how lucky you are.” It is usually my dad who utters these words, typically as a warning (and more often than not, with his index finger pointed directly at my face). For the most part, I usually just cast the words aside with the casual “Yeah, yeah. Aren't we all.” But there is, however, the rare occasion on which I actually ponder these words and delve into a thought about what it would be like without all of the abilities and interests that I have.
“So,” I hear. “Why are you so lucky? What makes you luckier than all the rest of the people on this planet?” I spin around and, lo and behold, I am staring myself in the face. Struggling to find an answer, I finally reply with a half deflated “I don't know.” “What,” comes the retort, “you don't know? Well who would know?” Again, I reply with the unsure “I don't know.” “Well,” he says, “I think that it's time we found out. Maybe you should get to know yourself before you write that college essay that you've been planning. How can you expect to tell other people about yourself when you don't even know yourself?” The thought had been looming in the back of my mind. College applications.
“So you're getting ready for college. I think it's time you got to know yourself. Let me begin.” It felt a bit awkward talking to myself, but after a while, it began to seem almost normal. “I am a Sikh from India,” he chimed in simply. “Right,” I continued, “but I was born here in Baltimore.” He gave me a look that told me that I had the right idea. “The cool thing about that is that you're not completely one culture. You've assimilated, but you've held on to your own religion. You speak – how many – three languages?” “Yeah,” I reply, “but there's more to me than just that.” “Do tell,” he says. This was beginning to feel so normal that it felt weird. Nonetheless, I replied, “Well, I have lots of interests.” “Like what?” he asks. “Well we're talking about college, right? The thing that I want to major in, biology, isn't simply an interest. It's a passion. In fact, I love science in general. Most of the classes that I took this year are science and they pertain to the career that I want to pursue: neurosurgery.”
“So you like science,” he replies. “What kinds of classes are you taking?” “Right now, I'm taking AP Biology, AP Psychology, and Honors Anatomy and Physiology. Last year, I took Paramedic Biology.” He nods his approval. “So what are some of the scientific things that you do outside of school?” I respond, “I volunteer at Johns Hopkins Medical Center and have shadowed doctors there and witnessed several surgeries. I am also one of only eighteen students in the Baltimore area selected to work at the National Aquarium in Baltimore to do a program called 'Aquarium on Wheels.'” “Really?” he asked. “So what do you do there?” I reply, “I educate children about conserving the environment,” I respond. Again, he nods his approval.
“Next subject,” he continues. “What kinds of things do you do after school?” I reply, “I was a member of the Class of 2007 Senate. I was also involved in our school's 2006 play 'Big Rock at Candy Mountain.' I was also in the Classical Guitar Club.”
--end
personally, i think it's horrible so far. criticism/suggestions would be greatly appreciated.
“You don't know how lucky you are.” It is usually my dad who utters these words, typically as a warning (and more often than not, with his index finger pointed directly at my face). For the most part, I usually just cast the words aside with the casual “Yeah, yeah. Aren't we all.” But there is, however, the rare occasion on which I actually ponder these words and delve into a thought about what it would be like without all of the abilities and interests that I have.
“So,” I hear. “Why are you so lucky? What makes you luckier than all the rest of the people on this planet?” I spin around and, lo and behold, I am staring myself in the face. Struggling to find an answer, I finally reply with a half deflated “I don't know.” “What,” comes the retort, “you don't know? Well who would know?” Again, I reply with the unsure “I don't know.” “Well,” he says, “I think that it's time we found out. Maybe you should get to know yourself before you write that college essay that you've been planning. How can you expect to tell other people about yourself when you don't even know yourself?” The thought had been looming in the back of my mind. College applications.
“So you're getting ready for college. I think it's time you got to know yourself. Let me begin.” It felt a bit awkward talking to myself, but after a while, it began to seem almost normal. “I am a Sikh from India,” he chimed in simply. “Right,” I continued, “but I was born here in Baltimore.” He gave me a look that told me that I had the right idea. “The cool thing about that is that you're not completely one culture. You've assimilated, but you've held on to your own religion. You speak – how many – three languages?” “Yeah,” I reply, “but there's more to me than just that.” “Do tell,” he says. This was beginning to feel so normal that it felt weird. Nonetheless, I replied, “Well, I have lots of interests.” “Like what?” he asks. “Well we're talking about college, right? The thing that I want to major in, biology, isn't simply an interest. It's a passion. In fact, I love science in general. Most of the classes that I took this year are science and they pertain to the career that I want to pursue: neurosurgery.”
“So you like science,” he replies. “What kinds of classes are you taking?” “Right now, I'm taking AP Biology, AP Psychology, and Honors Anatomy and Physiology. Last year, I took Paramedic Biology.” He nods his approval. “So what are some of the scientific things that you do outside of school?” I respond, “I volunteer at Johns Hopkins Medical Center and have shadowed doctors there and witnessed several surgeries. I am also one of only eighteen students in the Baltimore area selected to work at the National Aquarium in Baltimore to do a program called 'Aquarium on Wheels.'” “Really?” he asked. “So what do you do there?” I reply, “I educate children about conserving the environment,” I respond. Again, he nods his approval.
“Next subject,” he continues. “What kinds of things do you do after school?” I reply, “I was a member of the Class of 2007 Senate. I was also involved in our school's 2006 play 'Big Rock at Candy Mountain.' I was also in the Classical Guitar Club.”
--end
personally, i think it's horrible so far. criticism/suggestions would be greatly appreciated.