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View Full Version : i'm new here, so i don't know... tell me what you think??



lukin
01-03-2004, 02:16 PM
ok, this is a song i've written, it's about evolution. mephistophelian ruin

Scented candles
Edge along
A trench of neglect
The colours of autumn, flower the sky
Dropping untimely, only to lie
And placidly die,

With the faintest whisper,
Of human contact
The candles go out (flame: sliced and drowned)
Now nervously hiding,
Away from sight
As the foot of disturbance, passes by
Without a fight- just quietly by
The leaves kicked aside, still quietly by

“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?” screams fill their minds
“WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?” They have no might

Drowsily awoken by a
Powerful gust, hurtling by
What was once serene has long since,
Fluttered away

The river has frozen over! Lifeless trees pollute the sky!
Armies of feet guilelessly, pound the same journey
As he, the same journey as he once did

Why can’t we open our eyes, open them wide
See what we’re doing see what will come

Mephistophelian ruin

aiks
01-04-2004, 01:03 PM
Originally posted by lukin
ok, this is a song i've written, it's about evolution. mephistophelian ruin


I have no idea how it must sound sung but I assume it's impressive (I'm no poetry specialist, though...)

By the way, happy b'day!

lukin
01-04-2004, 04:16 PM
thankyou,
i keep trying to work on poetic form but i'm no good. so i just wrote that off,
and happy birthday for the 24th!

azmuse
01-04-2004, 07:03 PM
Haaaappy Biiiiiirthday!

lukin
01-05-2004, 10:56 AM
i want to wish EVERYONE a happy birthday, whenever their birthday is,
and truely, if anyone does want to mention anything of those words first posted it would be kindly appreciated
many thanks