college essay

[ssjandu]

help!!! i need a way to start my college essay. it just wants me to tell them about myself. i want to start off with a quote or maybe a shory story summing up what i want out of college or something. i have no idea where to begin. starting an essay is always the hardest part. i don't want it to be cliche, but i also don't want it too off topic. any ideas on how to start?

[SummerSolstice]

Ugh, college essay!! Yeah, scars still haven't faded here. I was having a really hard time (especially with the same wide open prompt as yours--come on, have some mercy!) and went through four drafts before I finally took a deeeep breath, sat down, wrote "I <heart> Me!!!" at the top of a notebook page, and then started writing an intro from scratch about the thing I like most about myself.

For me, that meant beginning with the Anne of Green Gables quote, "For Anne to take things calmly would have been against her nature--all spirit and fire and dew as she was, the pleasures and pains of life came to her with trebled intensity." I proceeded by elaborating on how this quote was single reason I felt such a kinship with Anne, etc. By the time I had finished my intro, I'd gotten into the "I like me. This is why I think you'll like me, too" mode of thinking required for the rest of the essay and could dash down an outline. It still took a lot of revision, but my premise was solid. No more rewrites!!

Hope that turns on a lightbulb. :D Where you wanna go?

[ssjandu]

thx a lot. it does ;). i'm looking at a few schools, but mainly at usp (university of the sciences in philadelphia).
hmm... so i'm going through one of those detestable drafts right now... started out with something like this: "'you don't know how lucky you are.' the words were often issued by my dad (more often than not with his index finger pointed directly at my face). for the most part, i would come back with the casual 'yeah, yeah. aren't we all?' but there was the rare occasion on which i would actually ponder these words and delve into a thought about what it would be like without all of the abilities and interests that i have.'"

from there, i go to explain that i'm a sikh from india, but i was born here (usa) and how grateful i am that i am assimilated, but retain my culture...
sounds a bit cliche if you ask me, but i don't know... i want to make it good, so any other suggestions?

[SummerSolstice]

It would be a cliche example, because it is great, I'd say. It won't seem cliche to the person that reads your essay, because it's rare that anyone can use it and use it right. That's just my ten-months-removed-from-the-experience professional opinion, however. -_^

The best tip I ever heard was simply this: teach the essay reader something he never knew before. If you can do that, it means that you've got your own little niche in his mind. His brain may not have room to remember every paper, but it could very well have room for a fascinating factoid attatched to a specific paper. And even if he doesn't remember it, it's still something that'll make him sit up, smile, and say, "Hey, cool!" Can be something as specific as a (relevant) trivia fact or as general as a truly new perspective on an old idea. 80% of your purpose is accomplished if the reader has fun reading your essay.

[ssjandu]

ahh... good tips. thx... any other ideas/suggestions? i'm all ears (or eyes, how ever you look at it).

[ssjandu]

well, i've written through some drafts and i've come up with a bit. here it is:

“You don't know how lucky you are.” It is usually my dad who utters these words, typically as a warning (and more often than not, with his index finger pointed directly at my face). For the most part, I usually just cast the words aside with the casual “Yeah, yeah. Aren't we all.” But there is, however, the rare occasion on which I actually ponder these words and delve into a thought about what it would be like without all of the abilities and interests that I have.
“So,” I hear. “Why are you so lucky? What makes you luckier than all the rest of the people on this planet?” I spin around and, lo and behold, I am staring myself in the face. Strangely, it doesn't seem so unusual, as it's simply a manifestation of my imagination. Struggling to find an answer, I finally reply with a half deflated “I don't know.” “What,” comes the retort, “you don't know? Well who would know?” Again, I reply with the unsure “I don't know.” “Well,” he says, “I think that it's time we found out. Maybe you should get to know yourself before you write that college essay that you've been planning. How can you expect to tell other people about yourself when you don't even know yourself?” The thought had been looming in the back of my mind. College applications.
“So you're getting ready for college. I think it's time you got to know yourself. Let me begin.” It felt a bit awkward talking to myself, but after a while, it began to seem almost normal. “I am a Sikh from India,” he chimed in simply. “Right,” I continued, “but I was born here in Baltimore.” He gave me a look that told me that I had the right idea. “The cool thing about that is that you're not completely one culture. You've assimilated, but you've held on to your own religion. You speak – how many – three languages?” “Yeah,” I reply, “but there's more to me than just that.” “Do tell,” he says. This was beginning to feel so normal that it felt weird. Nonetheless, I replied, “Well, I have lots of interests.” “Like what?” he asks. “Well we're talking about college, right? The thing that I want to major in, biology, isn't simply an interest. It's a passion. In fact, I love science in general. Most of the classes that I took this year are science and they pertain to the career that I want to pursue: neurosurgery.”
“So you like science,” he replies. “What kinds of classes are you taking?” “Right now, I'm taking AP Biology, AP Psychology, and Honors Anatomy and Physiology. Last year, I took Paramedic Biology.” He nods his approval. “So what are some of the scientific things that you do outside of school?” I responded, “I volunteer at Johns Hopkins Medical Center and have shadowed doctors there and witnessed several surgeries. I am also one of only eighteen students in the Baltimore area selected to work at the National Aquarium in Baltimore to do a program called 'Aquarium on Wheels.'” “Really?” he asked. “So what do you do there?” “I educate children about conserving the environment."

--end

personally, i think it's really bad so far, but if there are any suggestions, i'd love to hear them.

[cuppajoe_9]

I've read much worse. Submitting a short story as an entrance paper sounds a bit scary to me, but the administration will probably spend hours reading "My name is <blank> and when I grow up, I want to be..." Ugh.

The only specific advice I think I have at the moment is to do away with this sentence:


Strangely, it doesn't seem so unusual, as it's simply a manifestation of my imagination.

(I think that's fairly self-evident.)

[ssjandu]

thanks for the suggestion... any more suggestions/criticism?

[ssjandu]

anything? any suggestions/criticism would be very helpful.

[Vada Dagon]

Hey ssjandu,

Here is the thing. Not every one can be original and not everyone can be special (hence the meaning of the word).

However, you are unique and different from everyone else. Being a Shiek born in the U.S. aside you are unique not because of your heritage or because of your desires. You are unique because of all the things that bring you together in a way that makes you see the world in your way.

Personally, I was never clever enough or bright enough to submit a College Essay as a short story. In fact, I'm not sure I am now. Although when I had just graduated high school I had done so bad that I had to take remedial Math and English at the local Junior College (now a Community College) for which I had to pay out of pocket for a Pass or Fail class.

Kids like you have no problem getting into College, but they have problems getting into the College they want to (Namely Yale, Harvard, MIT, etc).
I've never heard of USP but I'm not sure how competitive that University is at Undergraduate Students entrance qualifications.

Here is a thought. Write to a counselor at USP and ask them what they are looking for. Go with your parents to the USP tour and they will tell you exactly what they are looking for in an Undergraduate. However, as I recently went through the Standford tour most Universities are looking for real people that are not just going to go through the motions of College and Graduate. They are looking for people who are going to contribute to the overall culture of the University.

What does that mean? Does it mean you need to be involved in every aspect of University Life? No, not by a long shot. However, they want someone who doesn't just live to hit the books. They want someone who has other interests outside the classroom, like writing for you for example.

I'm sure you already know their website

http://www.usip.edu/

Here is their website on visiting the Campus
http://www.usip.edu/visitUSP/index.shtml

The Admissions department wants to see good essays and they will tell you that. They are not going to lie to you but they won't gurantee that you'll get in either.

You are doing good so far.

[Steve John]

Hi,
Writing an essay is one of the most difficult task for students who have no idea of how to write something that attracts their teachers. I suggest you to start with some quote that gives your teacher an idea about what is written in it. Use something that attracts them and convinces them to read the full content.

Regards,
Steve (essayservice.co.uk)