my poem- tell me if it is any good?

[summer grace]

I am not sure this is any good, but tell me if it is or not. I tend to think it is bad. Believe me, I accept it if it is bad. I want to show this to somebody, but will not if you tell me it is bad.

Ahead of You

Leave the past behind you
Somewhere in yesterday
For the future to find you
It went another way

Leave the past inside you
Summer days all that bliss
The sun warmed world of innocence
Things you lost, things you miss

That night will come in, those years again
The feeling will outlast the name
Love goes on as well as life
In the July twilight it will be the same

Sometimes life turns for you
And after the bad, the good
Becomes familiar to you
Everything is so understood

You must wait until that year comes
To prove yourself, survive the pain
Then you will deserve what you will get
The long dark days not in vain

You never think it can be that way again
So let the past guide you to itself someday
After the long night in the dark
You will know it never went astray-
by Grace C. January, 2005
If it is bad, just say that.

[jon1jt]

I really liked the rhythm of the first two stanzas, then it goes kaput! thereafter. the rhyme is strained at points and awkward. i'd tighten it up some if you can, say more with less.

the sentiment is very nice and i'm sure the recipient would find joy in it.

[summer grace]

thanks for giving me your opinion! I agree with what you've said, the rhyme is strained. I suppose I could improve it.

[Orionsbelt]

Hmm Good????

As compared to a tax statement it's great!
As a short story, it's too short.
As a Novel, it's way too short.
As compared to Shakespear, keep working.
As compared to mine, really cool.
So why did you pen the poem?
Did it express something you wanted to express ?
A change in meter is not a bad thing unless you didn't intend to change then it's a suprise!
So I guess I'm not sure what you are asking but you should join the poetry contest. It's just fun.

[Soul]

Hi Grace, I've read your poem, you are talking about your feeling and that's good. Is original?, Have a perfect structure?, is good?. Of course is good, everything make with the heart is good. Is too short?, I don´t think so, I like the short poems, if you said all you wanted to say, them you used all necessary words. The other, the discipline of poetry will came with the time.

[thefemalemind]

Ahead of You

Leave the past behind you
Somewhere in yesterday
For the future to find you
It went another way

Leave the past inside you
Summer days all that bliss
The sun warmed world of innocence
Things you lost, things you miss

That night will come in, those years again
The feeling will outlast the name
Love goes on as well as life
In the July twilight it will be the same

Sometimes life turns for you
And after the bad, the good
Becomes familiar to you
Everything is so understood

You must wait until that year comes
To prove yourself, survive the pain
Then you will deserve what you will get
The long dark days not in vain

You never think it can be that way again
So let the past guide you to itself someday
After the long night in the dark
You will know it never went astray-
by Grace C. January, 2005
If it is bad, just say that.


very good.
very creative.
nice piece of work.