Rewards or punishment??

[Forhad]

Many educators are acutely aware that punishment and threats are counterproductive. Making children suffer in order to alter their future behavior can often elicit temporary compliance, but this strategy is unlikely to help children become ethical, compassionate decision makers. Punishment, even if referred to euphemistically as "consequences," tends to generate anger, defiance, and a desire for revenge. Moreover, it models the use of power rather than reason and ruptures the important relationship between adult and child.

I request everybody to answer this question applying your experience.
---Are children better motivated by rewards or punishment?
You can explain your opinion also.

Thanks a lot.
Forhad

[Madhuri]

I really dont remember what worked for me when I was a little girl. But I think for different people, both reward or punishment can work.

For some people encouragement works, but if you continuously reward or praise, they might become overconfident or too complacent and then it could be a different story.

For some a little discouragement or stress works (not in extreme though), as there are people like me who perform better under a little stressful conditions. It could be that a little discouragement makes them think that they are being considered incompetent and that makes them work towards their goal, which actually is more to prove that they are not incompetent and less to reach their goal, which eventually they do.

So it really depends on the individual, to which stimuli they respond better.

[TEND]

For me I find that what worked best for me was minor punishment for day to day and than large rewards for completeing a goal, although sometimes the reward was just the satisfaction that you did it, but that worked for me. I can't really say in school how much it affected me because here in schools there isn't much leeway, you sort of have to teach pretty much using positive reinforcement, which I didn't always agree with.

The only time in my life I can remember getting negative feedback/punishment was in boxing, which I felt helped so much, you hate it at the time, but when you come back a week later and realize how much you've improved, it makes a big difference. When I was 14 and I would be told the girls beside me are doing better than me, I would push so hard, because I wanted to impress them and I wanted to impress my trainer, show him I was worth his time, and I would improve exponentially better because I was pushed to my limits, whereas if he would have said positively I can surely imagine myself slowing down rather than speeding up or even maintaining, because theres no incentive.

For me the reward was always just feeling good about myself, and that was worth everything I went through. Embarassing me in front of others, insulting me, it all made me work harder so that there was nothing to criticize. Eventually it got to a point where there was nothing he would say because I became harder on myself than he ever was because before he could tell me I messed up I already knew and was correcting it.

Whereas in school, where there is very little as far as punishment goes, for a while I was just skimming by, handing in just enough to make it and perfrectly content with passing by a percent or two above the required, and everyone would say if you would just try harder and I would say, well why should I? Finally this year and a bit of last I've been buckling down, not because of anything the teachers are doing, simply because I need certain marks to gain University entrance.

As far as me, I cannot speak for anyone else, because I truly think it's all about a child's psychology, I've seen kids snap after taking punishment that I just seem normal, people quitting, whereas I'm motivated, and I've seen people motivated because somebody thinks they can do better where I just sort of would say, well no. So frankly I don't think it's so much a matter of right and wrong, black and white, but what's right for one and whats wrong for one, and that it depends on the person.

[Idril]

What worked best for me was good old fashion guilt and my dad's disappointment. :rolleyes: He wouldn't get mad, he wouldn't yell, he would never get physical, he would just sit down with me, talk things out logically, objectively, coldy and I would know just how deeply I had disappointed him and it would kill me. Neither reward or punishment meant much to me, I would gladly endure punishment if there was something I wanted to do badly enough that wasn't allowed and no reward could motivate me to do something I didn't want to do so guilt was the only weapon my dad had. And much to his delight, I am now the mother of a son who is exactly the same way and I tell you, it's frustrating as heck!

Punishment is so negative, it just becomes this vicious cycle, the more you punish, the worse the child feels, the less capable he feels and the more likely he is to continue his/her behavior but rewards are dangerous as well because then the kid thinks he/she needs to be rewarded for every little thing he/she does and that's not realistic or healthy either. I think the best thing to do is to build a close relationship with your child based on respect and unity, not this 'us against them' mentality that seems to mark so many parent/child relationships because then 'disobedience' becomes a much more personal thing, the consequences become more personal. Every little thing I did when I was younger and really, still to this day, I think, "What would my dad think?" and the fear of disappointing my dad was much more effective and motivating than the thought that I might be grounded or that if I cleaned my room I could buy a new album...sure that guilt can be cripling sometimes but so can so many things in childhood. ;) And it wasn't 100% either, I was kind of a wild kid in high school but that inner voice never left me and did help me from completely falling off the deep end.

[Stanislaw]

I'm in the mind set of a bit o both...some situations require punishment, others require rewards...

both together are strong, but one alone is not, also its good to have a fair balance of both.