Koa's dream

[Koa]

Do you remember that old dream that good old Koa whined so much about...?
Well, good old Koa is going to England. For a while this time.

The "problem" is that I had had that dream for SO long that I feel like the dream got tired. Not that I don't want to go, but... Anyway, at least I'll try it out, living there for one year and then see.

I will be studying there for one year. Sometimes I feel too old to be a student again and I feel a bit embarassed of this restlessness and being unable of start being serious and of "growing up" as in taking a real job etc.
But I can't... I evaluated everything, I want to study again but I don't want to do it here - and doing it there it will last only one year, instead of the 2 or 3 that it would take me here. And it will be an experience...as I said somewhere else, it's my chance to leave home permanently, nothing against my family, it's thanks to them that I have so many great chances in life, but I don't like to be living at home, even if it's completely normal here, let me repeat. I will learn to do everything on my own, and I need such kicks like being all on my own to be able to take initiatives - when I'm here I get all passive and care of nothing but letting the day pass.
Also, I will learn something more, academically speaking. I will write essays and learn to write effectively and with a deadline, organising my thoughts etc, which is something I just want to do in life and still haven't done (I wrote two essays when I was exchange student, and my Uni's final work and that's all). I mean, training myself to work that way.

I am a bit sad about leaving friends here, but I don't have that many, so for those 2-3 hours I spend with them once or twice a week, I don't feel like living a life that doesn't fulfill me and weekends of paranoia... I'll keep in touch with my friends, but life will go on and if I stayed I'd maybe find myself as the eternally unsatisfied one while they find real jobs and get married.

But sometimes I am extremely paranoid about this all - what if I have too many expectations on this adventure, and I get disappointed? What if it is too hard? What if the studying itself is too hard? (it will be an extremely new approach, and what if my English is not that good after all?). I feel weird sometimes about having to confess to people that yes, I'm going away again, yes I'm studying again, yes so far away etc... :blush: But their reactions have been better than I would expect at least...

[Virgil]

But sometimes I am extremely paranoid about this all - what if I have too many expectations on this adventure, and I get disappointed? What if it is too hard? What if the studying itself is too hard? (it will be an extremely new approach, and what if my English is not that good after all?). I feel weird sometimes about having to confess to people that yes, I'm going away again, yes I'm studying again, yes so far away etc... :blush: But their reactions have been better than I would expect at least...
Oh you're doing the right thing, Koa. It's best to be disappointed and at least tried it than to stay at home and never know. Good luck. Hey, it's you're dream. Congratulations. :thumbs_up And you'll do fine. And you will have all of lit net to help you in a pinch. What kind of study is it?

[Nightshade]

http://www.websmileys.com/sm/fingers/fing22.gif
congrats!!
sooo is it ok to ask which one did you choose in the end?? How soon are you coming?

[Koa]

Oh you're doing the right thing, Koa. It's best to be disappointed and at least tried it than to stay at home and never know. Good luck. Hey, it's you're dream. Congratulations. :thumbs_up And you'll do fine. And you will have all of lit net to help you in a pinch. What kind of study is it?

Well, it was my dream... now it's not so important as that, but all things considered it was the place to go... Anyway true, I have to remind myself that whatever happens, at least I've tried, being here complaining about my passivity won't take me further than the possibility of failing...I guess...
I'll study Russian & East European stuff - I seem to be allergic to practical things... I had decided for Translation but then I went to Kiev and decided I wanted to learn more about those cultures rather than dully (if that's a word...adverb from dull) translating only... I wonder if this will be of any use, but oh well, if I don't do such mad things now that I'm relatively young, I might never have the chance in the future...

Nighty, I'm leaving on the 14th. I can't realise it's so close, I still am not ready and not making myself ready, not even mentally, it feels so far... when I realise it's not I feel so scared! :eek:

[Scheherazade]

Good luck with it all, Koa! Hope you enjoy your time in the UK and are not disappointed with your chosen area of study :)

[kathycf]

Change can be scary, especially the type of situation that you are describing. I think it takes a brave heart to set out like you are doing and you should realize that many people would take the familiar and stay where they are unhappy. You have the courage to try something new, and I think you will make a success of it.

Having read your posts I think your command of English is very, very good. Many of my fellow countrymen do not write nearly so well and they have been speaking English (well, American English...) their entire lives. Good luck to you!

[subterranean]

Do you remember that old dream that good old Koa whined so much about...?
Well, good old Koa is going to England. For a while this time.

My biggest congratulations to you, mate! YOU have it in your hand eventually. Talking about a dream come true!! Not all of us as lucky, you know. So, don't let the hesitation and the "illusion" of tiredness stand on your way :nod: :thumbs_up.



I will be studying there for one year. Sometimes I feel too old to be a student again and I feel a bit embarassed of this restlessness and being unable of start being serious and of "growing up" as in taking a real job etc.

What do you mean? It takes lots of responsibilities and seriousness to be a darn good student! Personally, I think you're the kind of person who knows completely what she wants. When the time comes, you'd be here in the working world. No need to rush up :)! And we all know that there's no such thing as being too old to study. So, cut that crap :D!



But sometimes I am extremely paranoid about this all - what if I have too many expectations on this adventure, and I get disappointed? What if it is too hard? What if the studying itself is too hard? (it will be an extremely new approach, and what if my English is not that good after all?)

I'm currently assigned in this project by company, which is related to SAP system. I have no knowledge about it at all and the only source of learning I have so far is some online modules . I freaked out at the first time, because they put high expectations on me and that’s completely freaky! Fortunately, I have managed to get rid off that feeling (slowly but surely ;)). I need to, otherwise I’d end up living my day miserably. I'm not bragging here, but we know who we are, right? We got the capabilities and that what made us say "Yes, I want to do this" in the first place and that will also encourage us to do as best as possible. The paranoia would only stay if we let them. And yes, failure is a possibility, but I think that's one of the factors that encourage us to keep on trying.

I’m babbling; I need some coffee!!!! :D

[mono]

I send you my warmest congratulations, Koa, and hope that you have a wonderful stay in England; we will certainly miss you here, if you cannot visit the forum as frequently, but one must make some sacrifices for pursuing a dream.
As for feeling 'too old' and still studying in colleges and universities, I see no problem. All of life should contain as many elements as possible of learning, to take advantage of its opportunities to gain knowledge; though you seem distant from 'old,' what better place to learn through colleges, universities, and exposing yourself to different areas of the world?
Again, good luck, Koa. ;)

[Schokokeks]

Hey Koa, so there, great that at least one of us two made it there ! ;)
Congratulations !!! :nod: If it's still Manchester where you're going, be sure you'll be just fine (my friend just graduated from there and she always found it the place to be !)
Furthermore, if it has always been your dream, now go get it ! :D There's nothing that can keep you from enjoying yourself, and even if against all expectations you might not like the place for any reason whatsoever, then you can still turn back or re-orientate yourself on your way ! What c an you lose, if anything ? ;)
" A ship in a harbour is safe, but that is not what ships are made for. "

[Nightshade]

MANCHESTER?!:eek2: http://www.cosgan.de/images/smilie/konfus/n025.gif

well if its manchester theyve finally fixed the stockport manchester train line mind you having said that if you are in manchester you are hardlly going to use it. they have buses. And I went to an open day there and they said that on average you get 3 buses every minute.

I thought it was bath or somewhere down south? oh so are you going as a postgrad then? Did you get piles of paper work?

[Pensive]

Oh Koa, this must be great. It's amazing, smashing, lovely--what should I say? :D

I hope that you will have a wonderful trip. Have fun in there and don't forget to tell us, how did you find England? :)

[Koa]

Uh, many replies... :blush:


Good luck with it all, Koa! Hope you enjoy your time in the UK and are not disappointed with your chosen area of study

Thanks Scherry, I hope so too :brow:


Change can be scary, especially the type of situation that you are describing. I think it takes a brave heart to set out like you are doing and you should realize that many people would take the familiar and stay where they are unhappy. You have the courage to try something new, and I think you will make a success of it.

Thanks, well...I know, that's why it's so hard to tell people what I'm doing, but most of them know how completely mad I am :D so they don't mind anymore. Sometimes I wonder if I'll really have the guts to actually do it...I'm still here. But I suppose I will, just because I've gone this far, I might as well reach the target now that I'm at it...


Having read your posts I think your command of English is very, very good. Many of my fellow countrymen do not write nearly so well and they have been speaking English (well, American English...) their entire lives. Good luck to you!

I'll refrain from any jokes about American English ;) I know, around here a lot of people have said that my English is ok, however my problem is spoken English, as understanding natives is the biggest task in this language. And I don't speak as well as I write but I can make myself understood...unless when my accent takes over, as it's quite strong...Hmmm. I know I'll have to check every doubt when I write essays etc, it's not like writing on a forum...


My biggest congratulations to you, mate! YOU have it in your hand eventually. Talking about a dream come true!! Not all of us as lucky, you know. So, don't let the hesitation and the "illusion" of tiredness stand on your way

Subby dear, that's true... I know I am lucky and some people can't even dream of these things, which makes me feel in a way guilty but in a way it gives me the "pride" to try and deserve it and not to waste my chances...


What do you mean? It takes lots of responsibilities and seriousness to be a darn good student! Personally, I think you're the kind of person who knows completely what she wants. When the time comes, you'd be here in the working world. No need to rush up ! And we all know that there's no such thing as being too old to study. So, cut that crap!

I think I don't know what I want. Or maybe I do, but I'm too insecure to admit it. Hmm. I'm just trying to be a student and face real responsibilities later on :D


I'm currently assigned in this project by company, which is related to SAP system. I have no knowledge about it at all and the only source of learning I have so far is some online modules . I freaked out at the first time, because they put high expectations on me and that’s completely freaky! Fortunately, I have managed to get rid off that feeling (slowly but surely ). I need to, otherwise I’d end up living my day miserably. I'm not bragging here, but we know who we are, right? We got the capabilities and that what made us say "Yes, I want to do this" in the first place and that will also encourage us to do as best as possible. The paranoia would only stay if we let them. And yes, failure is a possibility, but I think that's one of the factors that encourage us to keep on trying.


So how was the coffe? :D Well congrats subby, you are brave and surely this was an experience for you to learn and maybe next time you'll freak out a bit less ;) You know what I mean, that's great to learn how to solve situations like this...


I send you my warmest congratulations, Koa, and hope that you have a wonderful stay in England; we will certainly miss you here, if you cannot visit the forum as frequently, but one must make some sacrifices for pursuing a dream.
As for feeling 'too old' and still studying in colleges and universities, I see no problem. All of life should contain as many elements as possible of learning, to take advantage of its opportunities to gain knowledge; though you seem distant from 'old,' what better place to learn through colleges, universities, and exposing yourself to different areas of the world?
Again, good luck, Koa.

I hope I'll be able to visit forums every now and then at least, internet connection shouldn't be a problem but time might be sometimes... I don't know, here I was used to working hard only in exams periods, because that's how it works, I don't know how the work will be there but probably harder...but I'll cope.
I don't know, sometimes I think that maybe real experience is better than formal education, but as you also said, I'm exposing myself to yet another experience...
I saw that the Uni there has lots of services for "mature students" and students with families even. That's maybe a different mentality, here too there are students who start later etc, but they're probably less and often seen as a bit weird... maybe I won't feel alone and there won't only be 18-year-olds around... *instert smilie here*



" A ship in a harbour is safe, but that is not what ships are made for. "

Good one Chocobiscuit:D Yes, I have to remember I have nothing to lose...



I thought it was bath or somewhere down south? oh so are you going as a postgrad then? Did you get piles of paper work?

Bath was the first option I considered but the course I liked was only open to native English speakers...
And we already discussed the buses in Manchester ;)

And thanks Pensive, I'm too lazy to quote you ;) but I won't fail to let you know at some point...


Sorry people i had to edit smilies out of the messages I quoted, but it won't let me use more than 10 smilies in a message!!! How can I convey my meaning without smilies??? Can Admin fix that? I'll ask...

[Petrarch's Love]

Congratulations Koa! This surely must be a three bannana occasion: :bannana: :bannana: :bannana: It's a big change, but I've no worries about a world traveler and excellent student like yourself. It'll be a simple matter of veni, vidi vici. Manchester won't know what hit it. :D A year in England! I'm jealous.:p


Sometimes I feel too old to be a student again and I feel a bit embarassed of this restlessness and being unable of start being serious and of "growing up" as in taking a real job etc.

As a student who's just about exactly your age, I'll have to ask you desist such talk. What are you trying to do, make us all grow up and be serious? I personally don't intend doing that for another eighty years or so (I suppose one really has to be serious at age 104).:lol: I do understand your sentiments about a "real" (i.e. paying) job, but just think how worth it it'll be to have a paying job in some way connected to what you actually like to do. :) If you've got the opportunity to hold out for that then go for it! We'll wait with bated breath for your accounts from England. All the best.

[Petrarch's Love]

Congratulations Koa! This surely must be a three banana occasion: :banana: :banana: :banana: It's a big change, but I've no worries about a world traveler and excellent student like yourself. It'll be a simple matter of veni, vidi vici. Manchester won't know what hit it. :D A year in England! I'm jealous.:p


Sometimes I feel too old to be a student again and I feel a bit embarassed of this restlessness and being unable of start being serious and of "growing up" as in taking a real job etc.

As a student who's just about exactly your age, I'll have to ask you desist such talk. What are you trying to do, make us all grow up and be serious? I personally don't intend doing that for another eighty years or so (I suppose one really has to be serious at age 104).:lol: I do understand your sentiments about a "real" (i.e. paying) job, but just think how worth it it'll be to have a paying job in some way connected to what you actually like to do. :) If you've got the opportunity to hold out for that then go for it! We'll wait with bated breath for your accounts from England. All the best.

[subterranean]

Sorry people i had to edit smilies out of the messages I quoted, but it won't let me use more than 10 smilies in a message!!! How can I convey my meaning without smilies??? Can Admin fix that? I'll ask...


Now we know the basis of your complaint (on the other thread :D).

[Koa]

LOL yeah subby, I mean, I try to post and it tells me I had 28 smilies and couldn't use more than 10...and half of those 28 were in the messages I quoted!!!! :mad:

Thanks Petrarch, well I still don't know if this will lead me to having a possibility to once have the job I want (and I don't know what I want but maybe I'll find out ;)) and can enjoy... But we'll see. A lot of my real life friends are more adaptable and some finished Uni and went into the world of looking for a decent job (although I have many friends who still are in Uni, but most of them are a couple of years younger than me) and I know they find my desire a bit strange, especially that of leaving to another country... but well, why not. LOL I have a friend who's been working for a few years and lives with her bf so she needs to work full time to afford that (I think she's the only person I know well who left the parents' home for good yet), and she sometimes rants about us student wasting our time, but I think deep down she's envious because she failed at that :D


Today I am a bit worried. One week to go and the bureaucracy gets more messed up... :brickwall: