Table 93

[Shannanigan]

I wasn't going to put the story up for commentation, because as the elimination progressed I found more and more flaws with my story and felt like I should have spent more time on it, but seeing others with their stories here and knowing that everyone already knows that I wrote Table 93, I figure: why not? I can take it...

What I wrote about Table 93 was 100% true, except that I didn't get to kick the ladies out :( They paid their tab and...as you may have predicted...left no tip. I'm happy to know that I gained something from that experience, though; inspiration, a story, and a form of entertainment for you all to enjoy! :)

Bring on the comments, good and horrid, I'll take 'em and maybe I can fix the story up for a scholarship contest! :D

http://www.online-literature.com/forums/attachment.php?attachmentid=792&d=1154439910

[Pensive]

It is a wonderful short story. I have found your experience very fascinating, that makes up a very good story plot, and the writing style really interesting.

Keep on doing this kind of work. You seem to be having the talent of a good author.

[miss tenderness]

i liked your story,Shann,looking forward for your new production:)

[grace86]

I really liked your story too. It was one I had a hard time not picking because I could just see myself sitting at one of the tables and kicking those ladies in the...well you know the rest. They seemed like a lot of the ladies I have seen out here. Good job.

[Shannanigan]

Thanks guys :)

I feel it could have been written better, if I had spent more time on it, but I just had to get that story on paper after I thought about it :D

[RobinHood3000]

I really enjoyed this one -- probably would have voted for it, if I voted in the eliminations. I couldn't detect any flaws the first time around, but if you like, I can check again. :p

[Shannanigan]

lol, check away, Robin! :D

[SleepyWitch]

well, I already commented in the August Elimination thread but I've thought of some other things i liked about the story, e.g. your description of those ladies... i imagine them as upstart proles who've managed to marry 'rich' husbands but don't have any manners, like Victoria Beckham... hehe I dunno what she's like really, but you know what I mean.. well-off people who aren't educated and just overdo it a bit.

hehe, I had lots of customers when I worked at a baker's.. it was always the wanna-be posh ladies, of all people, who wouldn't give any tip

[Shannanigan]

lol, SleepyWitch...I can see I did a good job describing ;) Usually here people like that haven't married rich husbands, but were just spoiled while being brought up and are still being taken care of by their parents even though they are adults, or, even though they live in dirt-poor conditions, are determined to find any relief from their situation, including going to decent restaurants where they know they'll get treated with courtesy no matter what they order/do. In my story, of course, they got kicked out. In real life, all I could do was smile a fake smile and bear with it...

...thanks again, everybody. I haven't written in a very long time, and this support and nice comments from people who don't know me personally is making me consider it again. I used to write a lot, and my family and friends all praised my writing, but it never got published or won anything, so I kind of fell out of it and figured my family and friends were just impressed that I had such good grammar (lol). The fact that people I don't know from all around the world enjoyed something I wrote is really touching, so perhaps I will try to track down my muse and snag her again, and not lean on a true story this time ;)