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miss tenderness
08-30-2006, 02:02 PM
just simple thoughts I wrote inspired by a friend who insisted on looking at some of my writings,I ceased to write for a while so I went back searching for some of my old writings and I found letters that provoked me to write new thoughts. Wish to see your comments ,everybody:)
here it is:
Today you broke my heart. I was back to forgotten, engraved by dust memories. I opened my book which is wrapped by a girl wearing a long shawl, carrying a dry red flower, her eyes spoke sadly. Is it a coincidence that I chose that cover, where the girl's small head is looking at the marbled floor, down with despair; why she provokes me now? Why not six years before? The moment I grabbed my precious book, yellow letters were shattered in my lap, yes I was their when I led them to where I may see them no more. I even walked in the funeral. I received them with an open heart, nay a broken heart. Why? Am I different this time .they belonged to her, to that goddess with the loud laughter, my friend? Gosh, she had pretty eyes but most of what I can remember of her foggy image is the silky, brown hair. It was long and concealed her neck, it was scattered all around her tall body. The picture is withering but your soul is just beside me, all the time. We parted before the morning awakes me…days of injustice moved her there, to a place I can't reach. Does she remember? Am I just a tottered page in her past now? Is she even a life? Does she still join that laugh? Is she happy?
Come dahling, I am still loyal to that word; I still pronounce it the way you used to when you were acting the duchess. Come and collect whatever left of me. Are you happy? If you are, then it's enough to make tiny drops of light touch my weary heart.

PS.this is not a poem,just simple thoughts written in prose..

lily of valley
09-07-2006, 03:19 PM
Hey miss tenderness,
When I first read your writing, I had a wish. I wish I could write like u.
When I read it, I felt confused.
When I reread it, I remembered Shelley and Wordsworth.
What u wrote took me back to Shelley's MUTABILITY. HERE are the lines that are similar to yours:
"We rest. - A dream has power to poison sleep;
We rise. - One wandering thought pollutes the day;
We feel, conceive or reason, laugh or weep;
Embrace fond woe, or cast our cares away:

It is the same! - For, be it joy or sorrow,
The path of its departure still is free;
Man's yesterday may ne`er be like his morrow;
Nought may endure but Mutability."

There is another Mutability by Shelley similar to what u wrote:

"The flower that smiles today
Tomorrow dies
All that we wish to stay
Tempts and then flies

What's the world delight?
Lightning that mocks the night
Brief even as bright.
……
…….
Whilst yet the calm hours creep,
Dream thou- and from thy sleep
Then wake up to weep."


Keep writing….
I might write soon….

adilyoussef
09-07-2006, 05:45 PM
Taleen, this is wonderful. Nice writings.

jon1jt
09-07-2006, 07:55 PM
Hmm, Ms. T! Nice! :) This work quivers with beatitude, like the man who can't find his wife, only years later to wake and see that their bed's a ruby supernova and she's there with those tiny lights twinkling all on her face and one cosmic symphony breaths, "Dahling" over his sad, forlorn mind. Or something like that.

miss tenderness
09-11-2006, 05:39 PM
Lily, this is huge, thanks for your encouragement and I'm glad that you associated mine to Shelly and Wordsworth.
Adil, thanks…do you think that the quality of my writings that you have previously read is better? I'm curious to know which is more expressive. I'll be glad if you pm your opinion to me:)
Jon, no hinting to secret stuff, plz :D I liked the way you put your comment, another literary piece!

Virgil
09-11-2006, 06:12 PM
Actually I liked this too Miss Tenderness. I loved this phrase: "engraved by dust memories". And this is very interesting: "The moment I grabbed my precious book, yellow letters were shattered in my lap". And the use of "dahling" instead of "darling" gives it real character. Very good work.

miss tenderness
09-16-2006, 05:19 PM
thanks Vrig:)

kevinthediltz
05-16-2008, 09:12 PM
i realize you wrote that a while ago but i thought it was beautiful. The sorrow you express in love for a forgotten memory is very powerful.

ps: I found this because i searched for "broken heart"

Pendragon
05-17-2008, 10:26 AM
Actually Miss T, this has more poetic quality than many poems that follow meter and foot! Excellent thoughts! :thumbs_up http://i94.photobucket.com/albums/l108/AbsalomKane/Smilies/Appaluse.gif

blazeofglory
05-21-2008, 11:58 AM
An expression of someone deserted yet the desire is still vital.