small blip; comment if you'd like :)

[azmuse]

*

[ihrocks]

Tres Leroy Jones!:)

It's short, but it has tremendous impact. I like that.

ihrocks

[azmuse]

thank! you

[psilosopher]

While it's admittedly short, it could use some more meat. It lacks a context other than a simple metaphor, i.e., that a romantic situation is compared to an act of violence. It's an image, yes, but it's not complete. It doesn't represent the full spectrum of any particular feeling, or even more than that one facet. The colloquial wording is interesting, but watch out for cliches. Not every modifier can be "mutherf***ing."
I hope to see further development, because a poem which begins like that certainly catches my interest.

[azmuse]

thank you for the notes
it wasn't a metaphor, more an experience i went through. this is the poem it left me with, and i wrote it like the tiny grenade of emotion that it was
hmm. i don't have any other poems with that particular modifier in them...thanks again... :)