what do you think?

[Wilfred]

here is my poem, tell me what you think:

Pegasus Sonnet

The evil cat is sitting, watching me.
Her tail that’s blackened from the soot of hell
Is flipping back and forth. The eyes that see
Are spewing flames from where the devil dwells.
Her sin seeps from inside, it stains her pure
White coat, it shows that vile demon within.
Her face can seem deceptively demure
At times when she is contemplating sin.
She rubs against my legs, she purrs and pleads.
The imp! She only wants to curse you more,
To leave her hair and scratch you till you bleed
Then leave you there to die in pain and gore
Beware! Although the cat is white outside
A black and baneful demon lies inside.

Note: Pegasus is my cat.

[sloegin]

"pleads", at the end of line nine, doesn't work. I'm to lazy at present to do a syllable count. I enjoyed it.

[Dyrwen]

I like it. Haven't seen many a sonnet nowadays.

Pretty metaphorical, never get to appreciate a good modern day sonnet, since I rarely understood the one's of the past without some thought..heh.

Nice work.

[psilosopher]

I think this needs a lot of work. Comments in-line and at the end.

Pegasus Sonnet

The evil [show, don't tell]cat is sitting, watching me.
Her tail that’s blackened from the soot of hell
Is flipping back and forth. The eyes that see[what else do eyes do??]
Are spewing flames from where the devil dwells.
Her sin seeps from inside, it stains her pure
White coat, it shows that vile demon within.
Her face can seem deceptively demure
At times when she is contemplating sin.[nice]
[no volta]She rubs against my legs, she purrs and pleads.
The imp! She only wants to curse you more,
To leave her hair and scratch you till you bleed
Then leave you there to die in pain and gore
Beware! Although the cat is white outside
A black and baneful demon lies inside.

Okay, aside from the inline comments there are some other issues. The whole thing is a bit awkward, and you shouldn't have to pay that price to get your syllables correct (which they are - nice). If something feels awkward but fits the scheme that doesn't mean you should leave it in. Like in the fourth line from the end there's a low signal to noise ratio. As for the volta it is very very doable. You've got the whole innocent looking/actually evil contrast. I'd work with that, innocence first of course, so there can be contrast.
Aside from all that, don't tell me the cat is evil and from hell for the whole poem. Show it - cats knock things over, they don't answer when you call, they poop in flower pots (no kidding, my mom's cat does this), they do all sorts of things that can be portrayed both negatively and humorously. And if the 8 line innocence jag (pre-volta) doesn't sit well with you, then make all the innocence stuff backhanded.
Um, sure hope you wanted a critique. It is meant constructively.

[Wilfred]

Thanks, philosopher, thats the kind of stuff I like to hear bout my work.

[Stanislaw]

Sound like you don't like your cat.

Sonnets are pretty cool, especially if they are written in modern english as opposed to elezibethan english. Good Job.

[johnnyb7]

Reads like a draft to me. Sonnets are not that easy to get right first time, but its not a bad effort. The final rhyming couplet, the inside outside thing, is weak; the last two lines are your last chance to make a point, the punch line if you like. Don't pass up the opportunity. Read Shakespeare's and Donne's, not to mention Wilfred Owen's to get a feel for the way a theme should be progressed through the fourteen lines.