Streeflo
07-24-2006, 01:01 AM
I did this for practice of style or technique or whatever. Just practice, and my friend told me to do a camping story. So here's the first chapter. Constructive criticism and suggestions would be nice =]
Just Another Camping Story
Click click.
“What the hell is that…?” Jake mumbled to himself, half-asleep. The sound woke him, and then he saw a bright flash of light through his eyelids.
Click click.
There it was again. Jake wished the noise would stop, and the bright light had shone onto his face again. He wanted to sleep, and was getting rather peeved.
Click… Jake’s eyes shot open, just in time for the bright camera flash to catch him head-on.
“Aahh!” he shouted, rubbing his eyes furiously. “Mother sucking son of a…”
“Jake, shut up!” said a voice from the front. “No cursing, and I can’t hear the music.”
Jake blinked and looked around. He was in the backseat of a van, and his first thought was that he had been kidnapped. Then he saw the smiling faces of his friends in front of him.
“Aww, so the little baby decided to wake up didn’t he?” said the boy sitting in front of him. His grinning face was about an inch away from Jake’s. That was pretty uncomfortable.
Jake shoved him away. “Get off me you gay…”
“Cursing! Damnit children, what did I say about cursing?” said the voice from the front again. Its owner was a teenage girl driving the car. She turned up the volume, filling the car with profanity-filled rock and rap.
“Your mom…” Jake muttered to himself, trying to straighten his wrinkled shirt.
“Hello, Earth to Jake,” the girl replied. “You’ve just insulted yourself, moron.”
“Jess’s right you know. What a clever girl. That’s why I like her so much.” said the sandy-haired boy sitting next to him. He was raising his eyebrows suggestively at the back of the driver’s seat. To tell the truth, Jake was somehow disturbed by his friend’s shameless flirting with his older sister, but he had gotten used to it somewhere after the fourth rejection.
“Oh stop it Ted.” Jess said in a sarcastic high-pitched voice. “I can hardly contain my blushing.” Then she switched back to her normal voice. “And I’d appreciate it if you’d call me Jessica.”
“Okay Jess, whatever you say.” Ted replied happily.
Jessica was about to start off into a steaming rant when she was interrupted by a boy holding a camera on the other side of him.
“Hey guys, these photos aren’t half-bad. You think I should take up a career in photography?” He held out the camera, showing everybody (except Jessica, who fortunately decided to remain driving the car) three splendid pictures of Jake sleeping.
Jake took one glance and winced. He had always wondered what he looked like asleep, and now his question was answered. The pictures were not pretty.
“I think you should take a career as a rectum doctor.” he snapped while grabbing for the camera. “It suits you well, being the total ***…” Jake quickly glanced at his sister. “Erm-… butt hole you are.”
“Nice save,” murmured Les.
“What monster of a friend takes pictures of his buddy while he’s sleeping?” Jake continued, ignoring him. “Well, unless you’re gay, like Les.”
“Ow!” screamed the boy in front. “Burned!” He clutched his chest and fell out of sight.
“Speaking of burning hot things, I’d like to announce that Jess looks especially stunning today.”
“Don’t call me Jess!”
“Sorry Jess.” Ted apologized. Then he turned to Les and said angrily, “Now look what you’ve done. You’ve gone and made her hate me!” the sandy-haired boy glared at Les, as if it was all his fault.
“No Anakin, you have done that yourself….” said Les in a mysterious voice, still out of sight.
“Hey wait a second,” said the boy with the camera indignantly. “How come no one told me Ted changed his name?”
There was a long pause of silence, as everyone stared. Even Jessica turned around while driving to look in disbelief at the camera boy. The sound of profanity on the radio blasted in the background.
“Luna…” Les said slowly, calling the boy by his surname. “You really are a moron aren’t you?”
“I don’t get it.” defended Luna, still confused.
Jake shook his head sadly. “Poor kid, it must be sad living life… OH MY GOD JESS WATCH THE ****ING ROAD!!”
Ted screeched and hit the floor with his hands over his head. Luna hyperventilated and fainted. Les let out a blue streak of curses that were so crude and vulgar, they could have made a sailor bow his head in shame.
Jessica grabbed the wheel and quickly stopped the van from going off the road, swerving crazily. Finally after gaining control of the vehicle once more, she hit the brakes and stopped the car. They were on a country road now, and nobody was around except for three cars in front. They held all the adults and some of the littler children.
Jake took deep breaths and calmed himself down. He glanced at Luna and slapped him across the face. “Wake up Peter, you big wuss.”
Peter Luna jerked awake, eyes wide open. He didn’t say anything, but chose to grab his camera and slowly cradle it between his arms like he was rocking a baby, though with considerably more care.
Ted poked his head out from under the seats. “We’re alive!” he cried throwing his arms in the air. “Did my angel Jess save us all?” he asked, though the irony was lost on everyone. “Uh, Jess?”
Jessica would have responded if she had been listening. Instead, she was gazing with incredulity at Les, who was still swearing loudly.
Les glanced at Jessica, eyeing her open mouth. “I could switch to Italian if you want…”
* * *
The reader might be wondering why these four boys and a girl were on a van on a deserted country road. Well to put it simply, they were going camping.
“But why?” thought Jake. He didn’t like camping. He had only gone once before when he was smaller, but that was enough. Camping was not for him, and he swore he would never submit himself to that kind of torture again. Unfortunately a week ago, that all changed.
ENTER FLASHBACK
Jake got back from hanging out with his friends on a perfectly normal summer day. His sister was watching TV, and his mom was washing dishes. Jake was hungry, so he went to the kitchen and got a bowl of ice cream from his mom, thanked her, and then joined his sister in the living room.
“That’s not good for you,” Jessica said, not taking her eyes off the screen.
“You’re not good for me,” Jake replied, whose eyes were also fixated to the TV.
“God, that sexual innuendo there was disturbing.” Jessica said, scowling.
“Your mind not mine.”
The show went on its commercial break.
Their dad walked into the room and turned off the TV. Jake and Jessica both glared at him and spoke angrily, “What did you do that for?”
“It was on commercial anyways, but kids, I have an important announcement to make.” said their dad with a happy look on his face.
“Bloody wonderful,” muttered Jessica to himself. “I’d much rather hear Dad talk about his bloody announcements than watch TV.”
“Agreed.” murmured Jake.
“Next week, we are going on our annual camping trip with our friends! Isn’t that wonderful?” He waved his arms in the air and looked at his children expectantly
“Since when did we have an annual camping trip?” asked Jake with mock interest.
“Erm-… “ stammered their dad, fumbling with his words. “Since next week.”
“Bloody wonderful,” said Jessica darkly, not bothering to hide her voice this time.
END FLASHBACK
“How wonderful.” Jake thought to himself. It wasn’t really so much he hated camping, but more along the lines of all the fun things he could be doing instead. The only silver lining of this situation was that his friends had gone too.
He also didn’t like the ride to the site. He checked the time. It was 6:00, and would probably be a few more hours before they got to the site. Peter was already sleeping, and Ted was dozing off. Les, in the passenger seat of the car, was talking amicably with Jessica.
“Oh screw it,” thought Jake. He was going to sleep.
* * *
Just Another Camping Story
Click click.
“What the hell is that…?” Jake mumbled to himself, half-asleep. The sound woke him, and then he saw a bright flash of light through his eyelids.
Click click.
There it was again. Jake wished the noise would stop, and the bright light had shone onto his face again. He wanted to sleep, and was getting rather peeved.
Click… Jake’s eyes shot open, just in time for the bright camera flash to catch him head-on.
“Aahh!” he shouted, rubbing his eyes furiously. “Mother sucking son of a…”
“Jake, shut up!” said a voice from the front. “No cursing, and I can’t hear the music.”
Jake blinked and looked around. He was in the backseat of a van, and his first thought was that he had been kidnapped. Then he saw the smiling faces of his friends in front of him.
“Aww, so the little baby decided to wake up didn’t he?” said the boy sitting in front of him. His grinning face was about an inch away from Jake’s. That was pretty uncomfortable.
Jake shoved him away. “Get off me you gay…”
“Cursing! Damnit children, what did I say about cursing?” said the voice from the front again. Its owner was a teenage girl driving the car. She turned up the volume, filling the car with profanity-filled rock and rap.
“Your mom…” Jake muttered to himself, trying to straighten his wrinkled shirt.
“Hello, Earth to Jake,” the girl replied. “You’ve just insulted yourself, moron.”
“Jess’s right you know. What a clever girl. That’s why I like her so much.” said the sandy-haired boy sitting next to him. He was raising his eyebrows suggestively at the back of the driver’s seat. To tell the truth, Jake was somehow disturbed by his friend’s shameless flirting with his older sister, but he had gotten used to it somewhere after the fourth rejection.
“Oh stop it Ted.” Jess said in a sarcastic high-pitched voice. “I can hardly contain my blushing.” Then she switched back to her normal voice. “And I’d appreciate it if you’d call me Jessica.”
“Okay Jess, whatever you say.” Ted replied happily.
Jessica was about to start off into a steaming rant when she was interrupted by a boy holding a camera on the other side of him.
“Hey guys, these photos aren’t half-bad. You think I should take up a career in photography?” He held out the camera, showing everybody (except Jessica, who fortunately decided to remain driving the car) three splendid pictures of Jake sleeping.
Jake took one glance and winced. He had always wondered what he looked like asleep, and now his question was answered. The pictures were not pretty.
“I think you should take a career as a rectum doctor.” he snapped while grabbing for the camera. “It suits you well, being the total ***…” Jake quickly glanced at his sister. “Erm-… butt hole you are.”
“Nice save,” murmured Les.
“What monster of a friend takes pictures of his buddy while he’s sleeping?” Jake continued, ignoring him. “Well, unless you’re gay, like Les.”
“Ow!” screamed the boy in front. “Burned!” He clutched his chest and fell out of sight.
“Speaking of burning hot things, I’d like to announce that Jess looks especially stunning today.”
“Don’t call me Jess!”
“Sorry Jess.” Ted apologized. Then he turned to Les and said angrily, “Now look what you’ve done. You’ve gone and made her hate me!” the sandy-haired boy glared at Les, as if it was all his fault.
“No Anakin, you have done that yourself….” said Les in a mysterious voice, still out of sight.
“Hey wait a second,” said the boy with the camera indignantly. “How come no one told me Ted changed his name?”
There was a long pause of silence, as everyone stared. Even Jessica turned around while driving to look in disbelief at the camera boy. The sound of profanity on the radio blasted in the background.
“Luna…” Les said slowly, calling the boy by his surname. “You really are a moron aren’t you?”
“I don’t get it.” defended Luna, still confused.
Jake shook his head sadly. “Poor kid, it must be sad living life… OH MY GOD JESS WATCH THE ****ING ROAD!!”
Ted screeched and hit the floor with his hands over his head. Luna hyperventilated and fainted. Les let out a blue streak of curses that were so crude and vulgar, they could have made a sailor bow his head in shame.
Jessica grabbed the wheel and quickly stopped the van from going off the road, swerving crazily. Finally after gaining control of the vehicle once more, she hit the brakes and stopped the car. They were on a country road now, and nobody was around except for three cars in front. They held all the adults and some of the littler children.
Jake took deep breaths and calmed himself down. He glanced at Luna and slapped him across the face. “Wake up Peter, you big wuss.”
Peter Luna jerked awake, eyes wide open. He didn’t say anything, but chose to grab his camera and slowly cradle it between his arms like he was rocking a baby, though with considerably more care.
Ted poked his head out from under the seats. “We’re alive!” he cried throwing his arms in the air. “Did my angel Jess save us all?” he asked, though the irony was lost on everyone. “Uh, Jess?”
Jessica would have responded if she had been listening. Instead, she was gazing with incredulity at Les, who was still swearing loudly.
Les glanced at Jessica, eyeing her open mouth. “I could switch to Italian if you want…”
* * *
The reader might be wondering why these four boys and a girl were on a van on a deserted country road. Well to put it simply, they were going camping.
“But why?” thought Jake. He didn’t like camping. He had only gone once before when he was smaller, but that was enough. Camping was not for him, and he swore he would never submit himself to that kind of torture again. Unfortunately a week ago, that all changed.
ENTER FLASHBACK
Jake got back from hanging out with his friends on a perfectly normal summer day. His sister was watching TV, and his mom was washing dishes. Jake was hungry, so he went to the kitchen and got a bowl of ice cream from his mom, thanked her, and then joined his sister in the living room.
“That’s not good for you,” Jessica said, not taking her eyes off the screen.
“You’re not good for me,” Jake replied, whose eyes were also fixated to the TV.
“God, that sexual innuendo there was disturbing.” Jessica said, scowling.
“Your mind not mine.”
The show went on its commercial break.
Their dad walked into the room and turned off the TV. Jake and Jessica both glared at him and spoke angrily, “What did you do that for?”
“It was on commercial anyways, but kids, I have an important announcement to make.” said their dad with a happy look on his face.
“Bloody wonderful,” muttered Jessica to himself. “I’d much rather hear Dad talk about his bloody announcements than watch TV.”
“Agreed.” murmured Jake.
“Next week, we are going on our annual camping trip with our friends! Isn’t that wonderful?” He waved his arms in the air and looked at his children expectantly
“Since when did we have an annual camping trip?” asked Jake with mock interest.
“Erm-… “ stammered their dad, fumbling with his words. “Since next week.”
“Bloody wonderful,” said Jessica darkly, not bothering to hide her voice this time.
END FLASHBACK
“How wonderful.” Jake thought to himself. It wasn’t really so much he hated camping, but more along the lines of all the fun things he could be doing instead. The only silver lining of this situation was that his friends had gone too.
He also didn’t like the ride to the site. He checked the time. It was 6:00, and would probably be a few more hours before they got to the site. Peter was already sleeping, and Ted was dozing off. Les, in the passenger seat of the car, was talking amicably with Jessica.
“Oh screw it,” thought Jake. He was going to sleep.
* * *