Senses

[sloegin]

Another drink
Another thought forgotten
*********
Eyes open the world rushes in.
Blink!...Myriad emotions
To much, Atlas, close them.
Still an incubus.
*********
Fetid flesh, constant now.
No relief.
Temporary fix. Fingers,
reminiscent of yesterday.
*********
Cacophonies abundant.
Quotidian life,
of joys and tumult.
Elbows don't fit.
********
Fecund world for
the vacuous.
Pernicious silk,
assuaged from emery.

[WX6[ck]]

Smashing. I like the use of words. xD

[ihrocks]

I think is fabulous, and I wish I had written the opening lines!

ihrocks

[sloegin]

Thank you all.

[Stanislaw]

Pretty good, I enjoyed it, this is a different format than i am used to, but it is worth exploring, thank you for showing me something new.

[nicholasburrus]

Can't see piont

[sloegin]

Perhaps if you used a dictionary, it would become lucid.

[WX6[ck]]

tsh, how long did it take to write? smashing btw

[sloegin]

Thanks. Not long.

[fayefaye]

I love the lines 'Fecund world for the vacuous.' and 'quotidian life, of joys and tumult' The words pernicious silk go together very well, but I don't quite get what you mean in the very last line.(?)

'Still an incubus'- I hope that's a metaphor. :)
Oh, but I loved it, btw.

[MacBeth]

Too many periods, chap. Makes. The thing. Too. Abrupt.
Do you see my point?
Try using the semi-colon instead; a poem need flow just sa it needs form.

[azmuse]

speaking of periods and semicolons, i've found that capitalized words at the beginning of phrases/sentences can pretty much replace them when used in an all lower-case poem (handle with care)