Twilight Serenade: An Ode to the Downtrodden Artist

[Page]

The artists are there, I'm sure
Below with the moles
Whiling away in some jazzy smoke-filled cavern
There's you, me, and some others
Its not so bad being a subterranean cat
Riding some cleft, rat-a-tat
Mining inflections, chasing away
howls that melt the tattered core
The bop, graceland pop
Brooding glee,
Confrontations with no one and everything
The brunt of gnawing aches
Never knowing, just never knowing
When, when, when, going, gone
Moaning for man
Warding off goblins of doubt
Enchanting seasons of change, the colorful,
Artful change, the A-ha's, spastic as lightning
So soothing, yet enduringly frightening

All alone and forlorn
He's the object of scorn
How the metallic waters spit in his eye
Or the outlying rocks so inviting, deafeningly quieting
They'll never know, can't know, don't care to know
of the frothy petering drops of moonlight
The snowy bridge on which he reels
Thinking of his daughter,
the windblown waters
The icy horizon that sings the blues
Mumbling for more drops from an empty wine bottle

The wild immaculate sea
buoyed by poet envy, the ennn-u-eee
Chipping wood into words
Just one more swig
He'll hum a seafarer's song with his mouth full

"Be my blue, be my blue eyes,
come back, take me home, make me
known, would you please, please,
Mr. twilight man"

[whiskey]

"Nice, very nice...."
You have quite a way with words. Great imagery. Keep it up.

p.s.
You can't sing like Tom Waits by any chance can you?

[Page]

"Nice, very nice...."
You have quite a way with words. Great imagery. Keep it up.

p.s.
You can't sing like Tom Waits by any chance can you?

Who is Tom Waits?? I can do a great impression of Elvis though. :) Thanks, whiskey.

[jon1jt]

After a long time away from this forum, it was nice to sign in here and find this dazzling poem. I spotted it the other day but wanted to read it again before responding. I still haven't forgotten that other one you wrote, Barn.

My favorite lines of this poem include:

Whiling away in some jazzy smoke-filled cavern

How the metallic waters spit in his eye

The snowy bridge on which he reels
Thinking of his daughter,
the windblown waters
The icy horizon that sings the blues
Mumbling for more drops from an empty wine bottle


You mention "moaning for man" which is a Jack Kerouac line from his "On the Road" where he describes seeing a stranger along the highway when he was hitchhiking, I think. Anyway, it fits nicely.

I feel the writer's anguish all over this piece, and yet his/her desire to transcend it. The last stanza is enigmatic too, but I like it a lot for its redemptive quality. It reads like song lyrics, which was probably your intention---Bob Dylan-esque, yes?

[Virgil]

It is a cool poem. I enjoyed it, Page. Probably best as a spoken art with some background music. The only negative I could suggest is the title. "Downtrodden Artist"? (1) It's an old cliche (2) I didn't see anything to suggest downtrodden in the poem and (3) kind of melodramatic. One phrase I don't like is "spit in his eye." You can be more original than that.

Loved these lines:


The bop, graceland pop
Brooding glee,
Confrontations with no one and everything
and

They'll never know, can't know, don't care to know
of the frothy petering drops of moonlight
The snowy bridge on which he reels
Thinking of his daughter,


Side Note: Nice to see you back Jon.

[jon1jt]

Hi Virgil, great to be back, thanks buddy! I was looking for you and X and others, but there are so many newbies on here I thought you guys might have split. I'll have to search deeper to find out what you all have been pulling out of your writer's caps these days, looking forward!

[Page]

Thank you Virgil and jonjt, again. I think it might be me who is "downtrodden" and not my little poem! It is true, I didn't give enough thought to the title and cliche is fitting. I am flattered you think mine could be "spoken art" because I am a hhhuuuuggge Allen Ginsberg fan and he is spoken art at its finest. There would be no Howl without the accompanying voice of its author, or so I read.

[lebby64]

yes.........this poem reminded me of dylan too..very nice, i like it a lot.

[Page]

Who is Bob Dylan guys? Was he an 80s rocker or something?

[lebby64]

He's a 60s/70s folk artist

[Virgil]

Who is Bob Dylan guys? Was he an 80s rocker or something?
I guess I must be getting real OLD if I'm now meeting people who have never heard of Bob Dylan.

Here's a bio: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bob_Dylan

[Page]

i checked out dylan for the first time on CD and can i say he is a wee too noisy for me?...the lyrics ARE incredible though. thanks though for the comparison, the honor is mine! :)

virg: lol!

[Riesa]

Great poem, Page! Keep them coming, please. (and you really should give Tom Waits a try, and Dylan another ;))

[Page]

Thank you reisa! Tom Waits? Okay, now i am feeling young and uncultured! :)