Ball Of Lies

[Sorrow]

This is a poem i wrote about the problems i see in the world today.. It's heavily opinionated and i'll except all feedback. Good or bad...

Ball Of Lies

We're floating on a ball, a massive ball of lies, denying one another, protecting what we hide. Killing for our freedom without the blink of an eye, the terrorist you seek is lurking deep inside. So feed the fear that drives you so you can back the one, who's killing everybody beneath the Eastern sun.
"Everybody Is Equal" but that phrase has run its course as the homeless man lays dying while the rich man drives his pourche. Now some of us are Christian while some of us are Jews yet the colour of our skin, determines who will lose. Still the Western world glows brightly with the stars out on display, stepping on the little people all along the way; "Love everyone around you and the poor people who die!" she says as she picks up her Oscar and her million dollar prize. Starving babies on the news will make the odd man care, but only for a second until the image disappears. And the media will tell us that everything's alright, adding to the ball which spins on into the night. It takes one person to notice but many more to care about this ball of lies, which surrounds us everywhere.

[amanda_isabel]

sorrow,

there are times i feel the same way.

you had a good start but toward the end you lost your rhythm. in 'and the media..' you might want to remove 'that' ('will tell us that everything's alright').

consider revising your last statement, rather the last 2 verses '/about this ball of lies/ which surrounds us everywhere.//'

i'm not sure if my comments sound right but i hope they at least make sense.

[thevintagepiper]

From the general pattern I gather that this is a rhyming poem, but this line:

"Starving babies on the news will make the odd man care/but only for a second until the image disappears"

...doesn't. Perhaps it does with an Irish accent though? No offence at ALL intended, just an observation on how it might be.

In the Oscar prize line you may want to take out the "she says," as it is pretty much unneeded and interferes with the rhythm.

Overall I really like it. I agree completely.

[ShoutGrace]

"Everybody Is Equal",
but that phrase has run its course;
as the homeless man lays dying,
while the rich man drives his pourche.

I get tired of watching people advocating different things that are so specific. It is difficult not to be a hypocrite in this day and age (I'm obviously included). (having to do with the people uttering "Everybody is Equal", not yourself, sorrow. :D )



"Starving babies on the news
will make the odd man care,
but only for a second until the image disappears".

I enjoy it when poets utilize words that don't really rhyme perfectly - i.e. when they rhyme 'again' with anything like 'sane', 'cane', 'rain'. I guess in that example the pronunciation has changed over time; I don't know. But I like it.



Overall I really like it.

Me too. :nod: