Gone From This World (Read Please)

[xXxBrittanyxXx]

Lost in the world of despair.
Drowning in the seas of sorrow.
Fighting against the current of lost hope.
Soaked in anger,
Washed away in tears.
Still her wind blows strong.
Her fire burns with intensity,
Sparked by it being extinguished.
Gone from this world in a single breeze.
Gone,simply no longer here.
Just like that you disappeared.
Numb to my touch,
Cold to my warmth.
You turned to ashes before my very eyes,
I never got the chance to say goodbye.
Your heart no longer produced a steady rythm,
For it fell silent.
You slipped into a deep sleep,
Never to be awakened again.


Yep this is another one of my poems...lol. Please leave comments and tell me what you think.

[mir]

wow . . . there's a lot of feeling in that. it's pretty good, but just one suggestion: the lines "Sparked by it being extinguished." and "Gone,simply no longer here." stick out at me as not quite sounding right. but i like the water and seas = emotions analogy at the beginning.

[mtpspur]

Not really a poetry person but I admire your attempt. I'm incapable of writing poetry--always been a mystery to me. Wasn't sure if you were mourning a personal loss of a loved one or loss of a love of life/happiness?? But it touched me. Made me think of more then a few relationships that withered away from neglect or overkill (the latter always my fault---I tend to expect too much from people I think are important to me). Many bittersweet memories. Thank you for giving some words for my own private griefs and a memorium to them.

[xXxBrittanyxXx]

yeah the poem is about my mom that passed away like a year ago.....and with those lines i didnt think they sounded right either but it suites the feelings i was trying to express.

[Pensive]

Oh, that's a good poem. I like it a lot! These lines I liked a lot:

You turned to ashes before my very eyes,
I never got the chance to say goodbye.

[kathycf]

Very touching, reminds me of how I felt when my mother died.

[Sunlight]

Brilliant poem :) very touching