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Isagel
05-05-2006, 04:29 AM
I write
because I donīt have words,
I have pictures
and when
I can turn one into a sentence
a wisp inside my belly
makes a pirouette
and takes a bow.

( I asked in the general chat if wisp can be used instead of sprite or fairy. I like the word wisp better. Tell me if it seems strange. I do not want it to sound like strands of hair is floating around in my stomach! Not sure of the title. A good title is hard to find. )

mir
05-05-2006, 08:22 AM
i like it. sprite or fairy sounds a bit too animate . . . . wisp isn't quite the best word, but it works. nice poem!

Grumbleguts
05-05-2006, 10:48 AM
I think that wisp works really well. A lovely simple little poem.

By the way, it's 'pirouette'.

white camellia
05-05-2006, 11:20 AM
I write
because I donīt have words,
I have pictures
and when
I can turn one into a sentence
a wisp inside my belly
makes a piruette
and takes a bow.

( I asked in the general chat if wisp can be used instead of sprite or fairy. I like the word wisp better. Tell me if it seems strange. I do not want it to sound like strands of hair is floating around in my stomach! Not sure of the title. A good title is hard to find. )

i dance,
because i don't have lights,
i have darkness.
(just my reaction to the first reading of your first lines)

a delightful work, Isagel!
but the title sounds like those of essays, on study, on beauty, etc.


(btw, does writing excite your belly?)

Isagel
05-05-2006, 12:24 PM
I think that wisp works really well. A lovely simple little poem.

By the way, it's 'pirouette'.

Thank you, I blame the typo on gnomes.

And thank you all for the nice comments. Iīll stick with wisp, then.

White camellia - thank you for the small poem. Nah, it doesnīt excite my belly. It makes me joyous.

Xamonas Chegwe
05-05-2006, 01:06 PM
It's very nice. Almost like a haiku in its simplicity.

I like the wisp very much - I did wonder when it might appear after your plea for help yesterday. It fits a lot better than gnome would have done. :D

Isagel
05-05-2006, 02:03 PM
Now I am very pleased! Thank you for the help on the wisp question.
Gnome in the belly ... that sounds bad. Like "Alien".

amanda_isabel
05-06-2006, 03:26 PM
i like it. very simple and yet very meaningful. but, you're right, finding a good title is hard. don't worry, it'll come to you soon enough