How Ridiculous Can You Get?

[Pendragon]

Post something crazy from a newspaper. A legit one, not the scandal sheet. Change names and places to protect the ignorant, please!

There was a man found dead in the mountains, in an area accessible only by trail or forest service road. He had been shot in the head by two different guns, neither of which was found at the scene. Indeed, they have never been found. The coroner's verdict, however, was that the man had commited suicide... Don't you just wonder how the dead man disposed of the weapons?

http://www.cosgan.de/images/more/bigs/a102.gif

[Stanislaw]

Post something crazy from a newspaper. A legit one, not the scandal sheet. Change names and places to protect the ignorant, please!

There was a man found dead in the mountains, in an area accessible only by trail or forest service road. He had been shot in the head by two different guns, neither of which was found at the scene. Indeed, they have never been found. The coroner's verdict, however, was that the man had commited suicide... Don't you just wonder how the dead man disposed of the weapons?

http://www.cosgan.de/images/more/bigs/a102.gif

how the heck did he shoot 'isself with two different guns? :confused:

[Scheherazade]

how the heck did he shoot 'isself with two different guns? :confused:Maybe he was ambidextrous.

[Stanislaw]

Maybe he was ambidextrous.
:lol: ha! indeed, that could work. :D

[Pendragon]

how the heck did he shoot 'isself with two different guns? :confused:Well, as a matter of simple fact, that part is realatively easy. I have even written a mystery inspired by this where the man does, in fact, commit suicide. Read A.C. Doyle's The Problem of Thor Bridge for hints on the how. But even that would leave clues that lawmen should find and trace, as in my short story. When I read this in the newspaper, my basic reaction was "You have got to be kidding!" But the case was closed on that verdict. It's what Dilbert creator Scott Adams calls a case of "In-duh-viduals".

A man was robbing a convenience store. As the attendant handed over the money, he told the masked robber he would like to make his phone call now. The robber asked what he was talking about? The attendant explained that every victim was entitled to one phone call. Oh. Well, sure. The Attendant called the cops right under the robber's nose—and gun! Wonder if he demanded His phone call from jail...

[Stanislaw]

Thats a good one!

I have one:

A robber went into a convenience store and slapped a 20 on the counter and asked for change, when the clerk opened the drawer the man pulled a gun on the clerk, grabbed a handfull of money and ran from the store. He took about 15 dollars from the till...but left the 20 on the counter! Is it considered stealing if the criminal gives you money?

[Nightshade]

real stories Gez truth really is wierder than fiction
((g))

[kathycf]

Weird, true and totally nasty:

"Kuwait Times reported in April that food inspectors shut down the Hawally bakery in Kuwait City after finding dough stored in a toilet, which the owner explained was so that the humidity would keep it moist. "

[Pendragon]

Oh. man. I got to tell this one.

An old man whose flat had been broken into contacted police. Several items had been stolen, but the old man was very upset. "I'm really worried about my one-armed orangutan. They took him with them. He gets upset if he's not fed." He exhibited a McDonalds bag. "I just went out for burgers for us." "Let's get this straight--you had an ape in here?" the cop asked. "Yeah, a small orangutan, with one arm. But he's plenty strong. That left arm is as strong as three men!" The cop thought the old man loony, but just then a call came over his radio. A couple of guys were calling for help. They had been sniffing paint for a buzz and forced a certain one-armed orangutan they'd picked up to sniff it too. The buzzed out ape was berserk and tearing their flat apart. The cop took the old man with him to talk the ape out of the flat before he, uh, "flattened" the two robbers. Just goes to show you, don't take the pets, and if you do, don't get them high. http://www.websmileys.com/sm/animal/1135.gif

[Xamonas Chegwe]

If anyone hasn't seen THIS (http://www.darwinawards.com/) before, you're in for a treat - it's full of exactly the kinds of stuff that belongs in this thread.

[rachel]

I looked up that 'Darwin' site and my heart goes out to Alfred.

Alfred was evacuated by helicopter with severe burns to the burn unit at the Cabell-Huntington Hospital. His house was uninsured. It is presumed that the fumigation was effective.

Well people can say what they liked but I think he is a proper hero. He set out on a quest to conquer termites and though he was buffeted and had his mishaps he certainly attained his goal. The sleepy town was full of excitement for a while which gave the newspaper something fun to write about, the hospital made money on anothe patient and Alfred had the singular honor of being the town's only airbourne citizen and without a single flying device to aid him. cool ;)

[kathycf]

Hmmmm, all names changed to protect the innocent ,the not so innocent and the just plain weird...
04-25) 13:10 PDT Doylestown, Pa. (AP) --

A woman pleaded guilty to fraud and other charges in what a prosecutor said was his first case in which a defendant stole an entire house.
***, 44, of Morrisville, pleaded guilty Monday in Bucks County Court to multiple counts of fraud, forgery and related charges.
Prosecutors said *** sat down Oct. 5 at a settlement table at Rainbow Assurance, a mortgage title firm in Falls, with 97 cents in her bank account.
But she used two checks totaling $63,000 and a letter vouching for them, purportedly from a Wachovia Bank manager, and left with the keys to a $328,000 home, prosecutors said.
The checks turned out to be counterfeit and the letter forged, said ***, first assistant district attorney. "This just boggles the mind," he said. Bucks County Judge *** deferred ***'s sentencing for a mental health evaluation.


DO NOT try this at home!
(04-19) 19:44 PDT SAN SALVADOR, El Salvador (AP) --

A Salvadoran woman was detained after she tried to smuggle a military grenade and marijuana hidden in her vagina into the country's main prison, authorities said Wednesday.
Officials subsequently raised the security level at jails across the country, prison system spokesman *** said, adding the discovery showed "the inmates are planning something." (you think??!)

[ClaesGefvenberg]

Hey Rachel, good to see you around again :wave:
I looked up that 'Darwin' site Yes, quite an interesting place, wouldn't you say?

/Claes

[rachel]

Claes,
you just get handsomer with each picture. Ihave missed you terribly.
Actually nothing that has been mentioned here on this thread as wierd seems wierder than my day to day existance so I guess I should just go through my diary and copy something out!

[Pendragon]

For this one, you bet no places or names will be mentioned to protect the ignorant! But as Dave Barry often said, I swear I am NOT making this up!


Police responded to a 911 emergency call of a man shot through the left shoulder. Asked to describe his attacker, he told them he had shot himself. When questioned about it, this genius' answer was: "Well, I never been shot before, and I wanted to know how it felt!" But, wait—it gets better. Several months later, the police got a second 911 call. Same guy had shot himself again! When asked about this one, did he have a death wish or something, his answer stunned everyone to dead silence: "I wanted to see if the second time would hurt as bad as the first one did." I do hope they got the poor dude off the street before he decided to find out what murder was like!
http://www.cosgan.de/images/more/bigs/c025.gif

[rachel]

he sounds a lot like my stepbrother. He is a dear but he does tend to think like that. The good news is as he got older he settled down a bit, especially after coming back from Australia to start a ranch.
The thing is, he wanted to see how good he was with his chainsaw when totally stoned and having belted down some b52's.
Well the inevitable occurred, he sawed off his left leg just about the knee.
When he phoned me a lot later to tell me, I was mortified and sick for him.
don't get so upset it's no biggy' he said. When I asked how successful the reattachment surgery went he said "well the bad news is I will never run again.The good news is that I don't fall over when standing.' :D

[Pendragon]

This has become fun!


All I will say is this took place in a local county. At Halloween, the County Sheriffs are dependant on volunteers to help control rowdy teenagers and adults who do things like set fires, destroy mail boxes, and cut trees down across roads. They are sworn in as temporary deputies, and must be able to legally carry a pistol. This one good-natured but a little slow good old boy had helped for several years without incident. Then he and his buddy came around the curve of a backroad and caught several teens in the act of cutting down a tree. The kids ran for it, with the two temps chasing them. As they hopped a fence, the good old boy's gun fell out of his holster. He immediatedly yelled: "Hey! You guys hold it right there!" His partner reports the kids froze only to scatter at his next statement. "I dropped my gun. Y'all wait till I find it." As if.... http://www.cosgan.de/images/more/bigs/a096.gif

[chmpman]

I don't know if these will count but I have a book of newspaper headlines that were goofed by the editor. It's called "Police help dog bite victim." I'll take a look through it and post some of the better ones.

[RobinHood3000]

"Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers"
"Old Man Winter Sticks Icy Finger Into Virginia"
"Prime Minister Aghast at First Lady's Sex Position"

You want more? :D

[Pendragon]

Two guys whom we will call "Smith" and "Jones" the usual aliases used by people who have to think in a hurry, mugged an old lady in a city park. The Prosecuting Attorney had the lady on the witness stand, gently encouraging her to describe what had taken place. Finally, he turned toward the courtroom and asked her:

"Are those two men present in court today?"

At that moment both defendants raised their hands. Ah, well. The kid may drop out of school but does school ever drop out of the kid?

The Prosecutor felt the case was wrapped up then and there!
:D

[kathycf]

Watch out for Little Debbie!
(05-25) 16:54 PDT Syracuse, N.Y. (AP) --

A trio of hungry burglars helped their own undoing by leaving a trail of snack wrappers after stealing six packages of instant lottery tickets from a convenience store.

"This was a combination of good police work and a stupid criminal," said Sgt. Tom **, a police spokesman.

The burglars smashed a window early Wednesday at a convenience store and fled with the lottery tickets and some Little Debbie Coffee Cake snacks. Officer James ** followed a trail of discarded wrappers to a nearby apartment building, where he arrested the trio.


That is what you get for stealing AND littering...

[Pendragon]

Sign seen in a Magazine: Illiterate? Write today for free help... :rolleyes:

[cuppajoe_9]

Yesterday my local newspaper ran an article accusing the Ontario CUPE of anti-Semitism about four centimeters to the right of a racist caricature of a Frenchman.

Ah, blatant hypocricy....