Poem for Mom

[blp]

People who aren’t any good at drawing
and don’t care
who drop litter and chew gum with their
mouths open
who aren’t any good at drawing
but like sex
like people
like flesh
you don’t like them
you don’t want me to like them either

A person is a body
That includes you
You need to be told you have a body too
It hangs on me
hotly and hevily
You need to be told you have a body too

But it disappears in the bigness of cathedral air
it disappears in history
in the warp and weft of a tapestry
in the drawing rooms of rich relatives
the Jewishness freezes and falls off. Half of you gone

Well, I’m off
I’m going to leave you here
stewing over your immortality project
it’s not for me

I’m busy

I have to fall in love with someone rotten
make some valueless things
and describe them ungrammatically
read some pornography
poison some cats

You have an existential problem
I have to get this wax out of my ear

You have this theory that suffering is endemic
but my *** feels really sweet in these pants

A sticker on my medicine bottle says
‘for external use only’
I could still see it as I threw it at the TV
Absent-mindedly putting a
Splash of orange juice in my coffee

Tonight for dinner I’m having boeuf en croissant
and coffee with wine in it

[white camellia]

A person is a body
That includes you
You need to be told you have a body too
It hangs on me
hotly and hevily
You need to be told you have a body too


blp, I love this!!!

I just quote a few lines, though I should have quoted all.

This is so of liberating and unbinding, for humans basic and great needs.

[white camellia]

The music I'm listening to now fits it perfectly : Hymn To Hope from Secret Garden ...

I'm just thinking about pagan ... O ...

[jon1jt]

This poem has a cryptic feel to it, propounding a mixture of frustration, disgust, understanding, self-confidence, and rebelliousness. This poem, to me, is a song celebrating life without inhibition, without the social constructs, the value systems, living in the here and now, take this poet or leave him/her. At the same time, I don't sense the poet embellishing a way of life, it's simply stating fact -- that that other life is simply "not for me." The object of your discontent - presumably mom (?) - is disconnected from the world, especially from your world, and there's a haughtiness to her lifestyle, her perspective, which is hopelessly misguided. Meanwhile, you will not be deterred because you're too "busy" living. Powerful stuff.

The only lines I thought were out of place, a bit too abstract and bereft of that real life quality otherwise evident - like in the wonderful lines "Absent-mindedly putting a splash of orange juice in my coffee" are

But it disappears in the bigness of cathedral air
it disappears in history
in the warp and weft of a tapestry

Is it the body that disappears in...? In other words, that mom is so lost in the banality of worldly life?

I think there's a minor spelling error, "heavily"

Overall, I really like this poem - it's top notch and I suspect your work, which, again, has that raw earthy quality - will one day find a home in "The New Yorker" or other premier magazine/journal, if this poet so chooses.

[blp]

Thanks, both. Glad you liked it. I don't know that music you're talking about, camellia - unfortunately. 'pagan ....O'?

jon1jt, yes, it's the body that disappears. Sorry those lines don't work so well for you. I'm fond of the 'bigness of cathedral air'. The history one might take some improvement, if I can come up with anything. And of course you're right about 'heavily'.

A lit journal? It's something to think about. Thanks for the encouragement.

[Virgil]

I had two reactions to the poem. I enjoyed the first half immensely, but found the second half lacking.

The first half, which I found provocative and poeticaly interesting ended witht the third stanza. I liked, "who drop litter and chew gum with their / mouths open" and "You need to be told you have a body too" (though I would cut the word "too") and "But it disappears in the bigness of cathedral air". Good lines and imagery in all three stanzas. You might even consider ending the poem there.

I felt the intensity dissipate in the rest of the poem. The lines became flat: "Well, I’m off / I’m going to leave you here" and "I have to fall in love with someone rotten / make some valueless things / and describe them ungrammatically" and "You have an existential problem" and "You have this theory that suffering is endemic". Too many lines that are cliche and prosaic.

The first half of the poem presents a very original mother. The second half is typical rebellion.

I do like the closing couplet: "Tonight for dinner I’m having boeuf en croissant / and coffee with wine in it." That's visual and original.

[genghiskhan]

I like this.

[genghiskhan]

..."You need to be told you have a body too" (though I would cut the word "too")...

I wouldn't. I read the word "too" in this context as in, You're no different than the rest of us, even if you want or pretend to be. The comparison seems important here.

[genghiskhan]

I had two reactions to the poem. I enjoyed the first half immensely, but found the second half lacking.

The first half, which I found provocative and poeticaly interesting ended witht the third stanza. I liked, "who drop litter and chew gum with their / mouths open" and "You need to be told you have a body too" (though I would cut the word "too") and "But it disappears in the bigness of cathedral air". Good lines and imagery in all three stanzas. You might even consider ending the poem there.

I felt the intensity dissipate in the rest of the poem. The lines became flat: "Well, I’m off / I’m going to leave you here" and "I have to fall in love with someone rotten / make some valueless things / and describe them ungrammatically" and "You have an existential problem" and "You have this theory that suffering is endemic". Too many lines that are cliche and prosaic.

The first half of the poem presents a very original mother. The second half is typical rebellion.

I do like the closing couplet: "Tonight for dinner I’m having boeuf en croissant / and coffee with wine in it." That's visual and original.

To me, the second half seems important as it highlights how flippant the author is towards all this stuff that mom says is important. He or she is more concerned with ear wax than...well, for a possible lack of a better understanding, salvation. It seems like a very big, and important, dichotemy.

[Virgil]

To me, the second half seems important as it highlights how flippant the author is towards all this stuff that mom says is important. He or she is more concerned with ear wax than...well, for a possible lack of a better understanding, salvation. It seems like a very big, and important, dichotemy.
I'm not referring to the ideas within the poem, just the poetics.

[blp]

Thanks. Glad you both found things to like. Not surprisingly I suppose, I'll take genghiskhan's side in this. 'Flippant' is just right. Virgil, don't know if this will help, but if it seems to get more poetically ropey in the second half, might that not be a formal fit for what's being said?

[Virgil]

Thanks. Glad you both found things to like. Not surprisingly I suppose, I'll take genghiskhan's side in this. 'Flippant' is just right. Virgil, don't know if this will help, but if it seems to get more poetically ropey in the second half, might that not be a formal fit for what's being said?
OK, if that's what you intend.

[Scheherazade]

A very strong poem, blp. I really like it.

Like Virgil, I like the first half much better than the second and I agree with him that I find it a little cliche... a little expected and juvenile if you don't mind me saying so. Having said that, I am not sure whether it is the 'poetry' of the poem or the persona's reaction which makes me feel so. I cannot help feeling sorry for him because he seems so busy trying to live a life his mother wouldn't approve and different from her expectations that he might be missing out on the chance of living a life he himself actually would have chosen, had it not been for her interferences.

I think I will read this poem again later on to see how I feel about the second part.

[blp]

And I'll hold off from commenting until you have.

[white camellia]

'pagan ....O'?

But it disappears in the bigness of cathedral air
---this reminded me of pagan, someone does not believe in God. ;)

[Scheherazade]

And I'll hold off from commenting until you have.*hopes you haven't turned blue while holding your breath all this while :D

After re-re-re-re-reading the poem, I think I have to admit that my initial reaction was more to the persona's choices than to the 'poem' itself. I cannot help disliking the predictable, juvenile manner (which might be your intention, anyway) but it is fourceful and well-written.

[blp]

But it disappears in the bigness of cathedral air
---this reminded me of pagan, someone does not believe in God.

ah, I see. I liked this comment because, in a way, it made me think of the whole thing as sort of primitivist and wild - even in its rather modern, urban way.


*hopes you haven't turned blue while holding your breath all this while

After re-re-re-re-reading the poem, I think I have to admit that my initial reaction was more to the persona's choices than to the 'poem' itself. I cannot help disliking the predictable, juvenile manner (which might be your intention, anyway) but it is fourceful and well-written.

No, alive and very well thanks. ;)

I have to admit, it's not working - on you at any rate - if you find it predictable, because the speaker is basically taking the mickey out of the mother and that humour depends on surprise - e.g. the surprise of undercutting the grandness of having a theory that suffering is endemic with the crudeness of saying 'my a s s feels really sweet in these pants'. Oh well, can't win 'em all. Thanks for taking the time to re-re-re-re-read, scher. I couldn't possibly ask for more.