Wife versus Husband

[Pensive]

Wife

You are careless and don’t care about kids.
I am faithful to you and I fulfill their needs.

You talk to me as I am your servant.
I am tired of this kind of treatment

Your harsh words kill me every night and day
Now, I will not hear you say them anyway

These tactics are useless and fake
Don’t call me darling or honey cake

You are psycho and you will make me one
Before you do it, you will see that I will run

But no, you will not live in this house
It is mine not yours, my dear spouse

Now go away because I don’t want to see your face
I hate you and I will never like to see your trace

Now I am better but a few moments ago, my blood pressure did shoot
If you would have said that I looked beautiful, I wouldn’t have been so rude

I will forgive you but now I want to hear my praise and no lie
Otherwise you will loose the right to call me your apple pie

[Pensive]

Hi everyone! Last night, I posted it without checking it completely because I was really sleepy. *sheepish smile*

Now, I have made a few changes in it. Your comments will be really appreciated.

Thank you very much for reading it.

[Virgil]

OK, Pensy. I very much like the concept of the back and forth of the couplets, where one voice is the first line and the second line is a response. I don't thnk I've ever seen that before. I like the concept but the lines themselves are very unoriginal. Those same type of things are said all the time on TV. They need some sort of originality, something to distinguish the male voice and the female voice from any generic person talking.

However, hold on to the back and forth concept. It as an eye openner.

[Miss_Katie]

Nice! It's cute! Maybe go into more specifics like Virgil said, maybe some descriptors to make it more an original story. It's a great poem and women can relate; maybe just make it a little more in-depth

[Pensive]

OK, Pensy. I very much like the concept of the back and forth of the couplets, where one voice is the first line and the second line is a response. I don't thnk I've ever seen that before. I like the concept but the lines themselves are very unoriginal. Those same type of things are said all the time on TV. They need some sort of originality, something to distinguish the male voice and the female voice from any generic person talking.

However, hold on to the back and forth concept. It as an eye openner.

Ah no, Actually all of this is said by wife. I think that I have given a wrong name to the title.

Hehe, by the way thanks Virgil and Kattie for giving this poem some time. :D

[Mililalil XXIV]

I actually read it as the wife's words being the only clue to the dialogue between the two. From this perspective, I think it is brilliant - a clue to this in the title (maybe an addition in brackets) might make it apparent to everyone.

[Pensive]

Thanks Milailil, you are right that it contains only the dialogues by wife.

Yuppers, I need to change the title.