pricekp7
03-21-2006, 03:07 PM
Hey everyone!
I'm new to the site...and actually to writing. So any help you could offer would be greatly appreciated! This is the first poem that I have ever wrote with intentions on giving it to the person that it is about. I'm very nervous about giving it to him. I'm not very good at expressing my feelings, but either is he. I need some feedback to make it better. Please keep in mind that I have never had any poetry classes...please bare with me. Thanks for your time and suggestions!!
Untitled
The mysteriousness is a great disguise
But I don’t want you to hide
Please just look into my wondering blue eyes
Tell me everything about you
With or without pride.
Can’t you see that you amaze me?
There ain’t nothing you could do or say to me to phase me.
How is it that you captivate me?
Please explain to me…
How you can fill every thought in my mind…
Shine light on every dark area in my heart and soul
without even tryin’
I bet you didn’t even know.
Hold me tight and close
Promise you won’t ever let me go.
That smile on your face keeps me high,
One kiss from your lips…I’m absolutely mesmerized.
Baby, it’s crazy the way you make me feel inside.
I cherish every second of your time
And thank God every night that you’re still mine.
If you only realized what you do to me
How you’ve touched me…opened my eyes
Changed my feelings/perspectives and outlooks on life.
This is coming from a girl who can make it on her own
determined to make it on her own
yet lacked the motivation…till she met you
scared to let you in…but God it feels so right.
We connect, you and I
And I’m terrified
Never experienced this before I had you,
Wanna take down my guard and show you who I am.
You seem to understand things about me,
Everyone else chooses not to believe.
Baby, I understand you too.
I know you’re a man…but…
I wanna be the one you run to
Let me hold you
Tell me all your problems so they don’t trouble you
Let me catch you when you fall
Let me stand tall
Give your legs a rest
I’ll try to do my best.
Don’t want to hurt you
I’d do anything for you.
Protect you from all that I can,
Just give me your hand
Follow my lead.
When I say I’m not gonna leave
I want you to believe.
I'm new to the site...and actually to writing. So any help you could offer would be greatly appreciated! This is the first poem that I have ever wrote with intentions on giving it to the person that it is about. I'm very nervous about giving it to him. I'm not very good at expressing my feelings, but either is he. I need some feedback to make it better. Please keep in mind that I have never had any poetry classes...please bare with me. Thanks for your time and suggestions!!
Untitled
The mysteriousness is a great disguise
But I don’t want you to hide
Please just look into my wondering blue eyes
Tell me everything about you
With or without pride.
Can’t you see that you amaze me?
There ain’t nothing you could do or say to me to phase me.
How is it that you captivate me?
Please explain to me…
How you can fill every thought in my mind…
Shine light on every dark area in my heart and soul
without even tryin’
I bet you didn’t even know.
Hold me tight and close
Promise you won’t ever let me go.
That smile on your face keeps me high,
One kiss from your lips…I’m absolutely mesmerized.
Baby, it’s crazy the way you make me feel inside.
I cherish every second of your time
And thank God every night that you’re still mine.
If you only realized what you do to me
How you’ve touched me…opened my eyes
Changed my feelings/perspectives and outlooks on life.
This is coming from a girl who can make it on her own
determined to make it on her own
yet lacked the motivation…till she met you
scared to let you in…but God it feels so right.
We connect, you and I
And I’m terrified
Never experienced this before I had you,
Wanna take down my guard and show you who I am.
You seem to understand things about me,
Everyone else chooses not to believe.
Baby, I understand you too.
I know you’re a man…but…
I wanna be the one you run to
Let me hold you
Tell me all your problems so they don’t trouble you
Let me catch you when you fall
Let me stand tall
Give your legs a rest
I’ll try to do my best.
Don’t want to hurt you
I’d do anything for you.
Protect you from all that I can,
Just give me your hand
Follow my lead.
When I say I’m not gonna leave
I want you to believe.