another lovely poem : )

[mir]

Bach

A high A breaks
Like ice on frozen spring
Flutes weep sad crescendos
Internal choirs sing.

Harp notes ripple, crying
For cello strings to join
A triangle sprinkles silver rain
More precious than any coin.

The firmament arises,
The stars and ether dance
Tears like salt springs rising
As listeners dream romance.

And yet –

The room is silent
No orchestra is seen
Only a single, forlorn man
Lost in a beautiful dream.


If anyone has any comments, i'd really appreciate it - and, does anyone think that the 3rd-to-last line would be better if it was "no heavenly choir seen"?

[jon1jt]

I really like this one, well done MIR. I would leave it as is---it flows beautifully. When I think Bach I think orchestra, not choir, and using heavenly can make it a bit too ethereal, and the plan-spoken language of the last stanza solidifies the poetic lucidity above it.

I just reread it to find "my favorite line" but to tell you the truth, this is a rare instance where I have to say ever line is perfect. I'd try publishing this one, seriously. You should be receiving accolades for this one. Best-

[ElizabethSewall]

I like this one very much!! Congratulations. :nod:
I don't think you should change your line either.
I'm looking forward to reading others. :D

[mir]

thanks!!
um . . . where do you publish poems?

[Xamonas Chegwe]

I like it a lot too. And I certainly wouldn't change that line. The one you used scans better and besides, you already used the word 'choirs' earlier in the piece.

Thanks for sharing this.

[Avalive]

When I read this, I had to log in

Only to say

This is a wonderful poem

[mir]

thanks, all of you.