Too Far Gone

[hippy_liberal]

Razor blades and Mary-Jane
Red wine liquor
Dead man tripping
Through your thoughts
Falling through life
Red flowers and
Acid green mushrooms
You’re too far gone

When the light at the
End of the tunnel
Tastes of coke and
Bloody hell,
The walrus
Sings to you
And the Beatles
Finally make sense

X’s and O’s
Patters of light
Reflect in your eyes
Telling you nothing
But showing you
Black ebony
Charred dreams
You’re too far gone

When the light at the
End of the tunnel
Tastes of coke and
Bloody hell,
The walrus
Sings to you
And the Beatles
Finally make sense

Powder and politics
An eye for an ear
No one knows what
Deaf men hear
In seashells, rippling
Broken morning
And dancing vision
You’re too far gone

When the light at the
End of the tunnel
Tastes of coke and
Bloody hell,
The walrus
Sings to you
And the Beatles
Finally make sense

[Xamonas Chegwe]

I like this, but it reads more like a song lyric than poetry. Is it? If so, what kind of music does it have? I could imagine it as either a folky ballad or a NIN style thrashfest. Either way, I can imagine it working very well indeed.

[TodHackett]

I like it, too-- and I hear Jefferson Airplane.

[Xamonas Chegwe]

I like it, too-- and I hear Jefferson Airplane.

I always hear Jefferson Airplane. Flashbacks are such fun!

[genoveva]

Thanks for sharing, angry hippy liberal. (although it is a sad thing for any hippy liberal to be angry...)

Do you want feedback on your poem?
If so I had a few thoughts...
One would be to reconsider some capitalization, and consider capitalizing the w in walrus.

Isn't it funny how the Beatles resonate differently after such an experience?
Ever watch the Yellow Submarine?

[hippy_liberal]

*grin* Thank you all for your feedback!

It is a sort of a song, but I'm afraid my singing skills are NOT that up to scratch. I'd say I wrote it with music in the style of Bob Dylan in mind, but that's just because I love Bob Dylan (his lyrics are genius).

The capitalization thing...good point. Might do that, as I think it would reader better maybe. I haven't watched the Yellow Submarine, but I want to, at some point (must. get. around. to. that)

Thanks again for your comments! ^___^

[summer grace]

It would make great song lyrics, but I see poetry in it too. I enjoyed it, but perhaps it's rather long.