Epilogue

[Gibran]

Epilogue

By myself

Within the great brilliance,
The lament held his head upon to me,
Like the fountain that spewed melting gold.
With the infinite lovesickness, the brilliance merged into my body.
Myriads of shadows have I been had, but none I’ve had now.
And now my companion whispered to me
“Look! It comes the real dawn!”
I said to him, however:
“That’s my new Life.”

Many thanks for advice

[white camellia]

Very dramatic, especially the way you delineate how lament came to you with aura of brilliance and then the very touch of it. The poem can be both closely read and at a distance. I only find the ending a bit weak.

[Gibran]

Thanks
yeah,the ending is a bit weak, I'll pay attention to this kind of problems next time.

[Doctor Boogaloo]

A few quick points. You use the word 'the' too many times. Drop a few, then read it again.
Rewrite the entire fifth line. I can make neither head nor tail of it. (The word 'myriad' doesn't take an 's'.)
Get rid of the word 'however'.
What are you trying to say? The second line is convoluted and parched for grammar.
Don't be afraid to put passion in concrete terms, something the reader can really see and hear and smell.
Try writing it in the present tense.

Did I hate it? No. But it needs work.
Thanks for putting it out there. Poetry takes guts. Keep writing.