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brighteye
02-11-2006, 04:08 PM
I am your God, your Lord and Master,
without my love, it would be a disaster.
My love for you is oh, so great,
this is a love I could not create.
The knowledge of my love is deep within,
it only show when repentance begin.
There is no love compared to mine,
the love I have is not of this time.
The love of this time, your able to see,
the love of my time, is all of me. :nod:
I am Love, Love is I,
you feel my love when you cry.

onions
02-15-2006, 12:08 AM
Well, what to rhyme, - many mistakes with syllables... But let us leave them unseen for observing them we could forget about theme. Can say just one thing - not so good way of expression of your thoughts.
What to the ideas, many cliches. You can't begin write something just understanding something a little bit deeper. You should have a sharp plot or a thought, idea. Some ideas are even not correct. Such as,
'you feel my love when you cry'

But I liked one phrase :

The love of this time, your able to see,
the love of my time, is all of me

Maybe tomorrow (i.e. today) it will not impress so much. Want to remind that it is 8.06 by my time and I have not slept a wink this night. Now I like it but say that it is not enough to write a work on it.
That's all for now.
Sorry for discouragment, just an objective criticism.