This love...

[Xamonas Chegwe]

A small thing this,
This kiss;

Cushion lips buffer.
Twisting tongues entangle.
Confluence of salivas.
Occasional teeth touch.

I peek;
A glimpse of ear,
And cheek,
And lash,
No real focus.

I smell the poison,
Of your perfume,
Take hold.

My hands hold curves.
My feet stumble circles.
My breath sounds loud,
Or is that yours?
Our chests rise together;
Fall together;
Press together.

The music fades.
The arrow hits,
And,
Pierces both our tongues;

{"Would you do..."}
{"Will you like ...."}

(pause)

{"Do you share..."}
{"You will drink..."}

(pause)

{"Taxi?"}
{"Coffee?"}

{"Yes!"}
{"Yes!"}

Rush
Coats
Rain
Run
Cab
Giggle
Kiss
Arrive
Pay
Rain
Run
Stairs
Kiss
Key
Kiss
Inside
Kiss
Kiss.

No coffee.


XC

[Petrarch's Love]

Hi Xamonas--The start of this is one of the best down to earth descriptions of a kiss I've come across in poetry. There is an astounding lack of descriptions of kisses in literature in which "teeth touch." It brought a smile.

[Riesa]

Charming. Nice rushing rhythym, clipped and breathless. I agree about the teeth, it brought an immediate immersion into this poem.

[Xamonas Chegwe]

Thank you both. It is mostly autobiographical. And the teeth were one of the lasting impressions of that kiss - in a nice way.

[water lily]

lol. very cute.

[rachel]

I had mixed feelings about this poem
I thought it was beautifully written and gave a feeling of motion and time and thoughts tumbling one after the other.
But for me, a shy person, I felt I was an intruder into something that was sacred between you and your beloved
And that was not a good feeling.

I guess that is why I never read anything that is explicit, I prefer the mystery and sort of leaving the principal parties alone and going for a walk or something in my mind when I read a book.
I know go ahead and yell prude and unreal and get into this century. It is just how I am.I am not one of those people that believes you walk around in your curlers or undone or whatever in front of a man because then where is the beauty and the imagination and the mystery.
So too with poems and books about love.
Other than that though, it WAS beautiful

[Xamonas Chegwe]

Rachel,

If you prefer, you can treat it as fiction. For what it's worth, I added the rain for effect. Little liar aren't I?

Thank you all for the comments.

[Virgil]

I liked it quite a bit, Xamonas. The dialogue was a brilliant stroke, and like everyone else said, the acelleration of the language as a result of the length of the lines was perfect. A coming together of aesthetics and theme. Now what would a post modernist critic say? He'd have nothing of consequence to say! :D

Only one spot I might suggest for improvement, at leat to my ear:
"The arrow hits" It rings of the cupid cliche.

But otherwise, outstanding.

[Xamonas Chegwe]

Of course it's 'the cupid cliché' - it's meant to be. Just be thankful I avoided the stupid/cupid couplet!

Thanks for the comments though. I'm glad you liked it.

[genoveva]

(pause)

{"Taxi?"}
{"Coffee?"}

{"Yes!"}
{"Yes!"}

Rush
Coats
Rain
Run
Cab
Giggle
Kiss
Arrive
Pay
Rain
Run
Stairs
Kiss
Key
Kiss
Inside
Kiss
Kiss.

No coffee.


XC

Very cute! I especially like the above section. I like how the one word lines give a sense of passionate urgency to the kissing. I had to read it twice to correctly understand the "no coffee" ending. At first I thought- bummer- they're out of coffee after all that kissing! Ha, ha! After re-reading it, of course I understood that they settled for something other than coffee. I don't know if there is a way to emphasize the "Taxi?/Coffee?" part so that another reader does not make the same misinterpretation. Or maybe I'm the exception! :goof:

Did someone mention punctuation above? I too would suggest reconsidering it.

[Xamonas Chegwe]

Thank you Genoveva,

I deliberately increased the frequency of the word 'kiss' as that section progressed, to try and add that urgency that you mention. I'm glad you think it worked.

And I was referring to running out of coffee - the poem was meant to continue with him being the gentleman and going to the corner shop for a jar but then I ran out of time. ;)

I know what you mean about the punctuation. I am not going to change it because it's 'out there' now. But I have taken those views on board in later works.

Thanks again for reading and for your comments.

[genoveva]

And I was referring to running out of coffee - the poem was meant to continue with him being the gentleman and going to the corner shop for a jar but then I ran out of time. ;)


Ha,ha! Just shows how off we can be reading poetry! I think you could really have two poems there. Sorry to misinterpret your poem, but hey, it was a good read nonetheless. This is what I thought the poem was saying:

two people kissing/make love/the partial questions were questions during love making/the woman has to go quickly thus the one word action/description of her getting her coat on and the taxi and the kisses goodbye between the couple (they don't want to stop kissing)/then I got confused because it seemed like the guy was still there at the destination with the woman/more kissing&love/finally they stop (!) to enjoy a cup of coffee and wouldn't you know- they're out!

Ha,ha! Not exactly what you meant, huh?

[Xamonas Chegwe]

Not exactly what I meant at all!

And here's me thinking it was too obvious! :lol: