Melancholia Rain

[jon1jt]

MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

[genoveva]

These voices melancholy and deranged

I wait for old conversations to resume


I really like these two lines.
However, I don't like the mention of razor blades...(my opinion)
Do you really want to mention razor blades? Or, is there another word/phrase/emotion that you could try out?

[jon1jt]

Razor blade...hmmm. It is a poem about the weight of life, how we can never get it quite right. Razor blades evoke feelings of suicide mixed with the cold rain and the later "piercing" made a lucid, macabre mental picture, at least I thought so. Hmm, I'm open for suggestions on that one Gen, let me know. :confused: Thanks so much for reading and feedback, much appreciated. What do I owe thee for such kindness?

[genoveva]

Razor blade...hmmm. It is a poem about the weight of life, how we can never get it quite right. Razor blades evoke feelings of suicide mixed with the cold rain and the later "piercing" made a lucid, macabre mental picture, at least I thought so. Hmm, I'm open for suggestions on that one Gen, let me know. :confused: Thanks so much for reading and feedback, much appreciated. What do I owe thee for such kindness?

Well, it's just my preference- doesn't mean you have to or should change it at all. Maybe it's because I've read too much Sylvia Plath, but sometimes I feel that the term "razor blade" gets overused in poetry with this type of theme. Again, this is just a stylistic difference!

As far as what you owe...hmmm...how do you feel about washing dishes? :idea:

[jon1jt]

Well, it's just my preference- doesn't mean you have to or should change it at all. Maybe it's because I've read too much Sylvia Plath, but sometimes I feel that the term "razor blade" gets overused in poetry with this type of theme. Again, this is just a stylistic difference!

As far as what you owe...hmmm...how do you feel about washing dishes? :idea:

I agree with you about the much overused reference to razor blades in poetry. Plath's "Here in the b/room with me are razor blades..." and Dorothy Parker's "Razors pain you..." were my real inspiration, I admit.

Washing dishes, huh? Well, umm, uh...let me get back to you on that one! :goof:

[summer grace]

I like this, it is a good picture of melancholy and such. I liked it better than many other poems I've read here ( well, not that many so far..), and perhaps razor blades are too literal, but I think they rather fit the mood of the poem. Great work!

[jon1jt]

Thanks summer grace for reading and feedback!! I had at one point considered alluding to a gun rather than the razor in the poem, but I hate guns! Welcome to the forum!