Poem..plz tell me if u like it!!

[Samantha21]

This is a poem i rote about my dad after he passed plz tell me if u like it :nod:
I wish..
I could hug you one more time
I wish..
You could tell me it will be just fine
I wish..
I could talk to you once more
I wish..
You wouldnt of walked through those doors
I wish..
I could of said good-bye
I wish..
I wouldnt of had to cry
I wish..
You could be here for deer season too
I wish..
I could hear you say "I love you"
I wish..
I could see you walk this way
I wish..
You could be here with me today

[IrishCanadian]

Thats lovely. And welcome to the forums. Sometimes personal poetry that is written for someone you know or for a specific feeling is really important personally but doesn't seem to touch everyone else the way it touches you (the author). So if you get feedback that says uts boring or anything like that its because we don't know what you went through when you dad passed away. Even if one of us has had a similar experience, we did not know you dad. I can see how this poem would be very close to your heart, but it might be something that most of us couldn't understand. That does not make it a bad poem (and wow I'v written a lot without realizing it). Keep writing!

[adilyoussef]

If I say it's a lovely poem, I'd be unfaithful. If I say it's a beautiful poem, I'd not give it its proper due. This poem is an experience that you went through. Beautiful and lovely are but adjectives used to prize one's work. But I don't want to prize your poem, for its beauty remains in the deap suffering you have gone through. I really like it. What is beautiful in this poem, is that, in my opinion, it has been written without thinking of the words. They came from inside and that is the beauty of poetry. You wrote it without thinking but with feelings. While reading it, I felt somehow that I were you, I was in the same situation beding goodbye to a deared person. You expressed your feelings in your peom in a way that made me live that experience with you. I hope to read more of your work.

Adil

[jon1jt]

I guess I'm a bit tired of seeing the "I wish..." and "I love..." structure for poetry. The poem is sentimental, but awfully unoriginal. The platitudes are fine to start out as yes, they describe "your" experience. But I don't see what "you" reported being any different from the gazillion other poems out there inspired by personal tragedy yet devoid of "real" experience. Here I mean the nuanced, the idiosyncratic. Good effort, and sorry about your lose.