Complete The Thought

[Hyacinth Girl]

red and some are blue, and some will eat slop in a shoe.

Spiders can do many interesting. . . .

[AimusSage]

moves with their eight legs, but for some reason they always get kicked out of the dojo.

It doesn't help being afraid to...

[RJbibliophil]

...dive off of diving boards.

What the...

[ShoutGrace]

. . . . unsuspecting campers didn't realize when pitching their tents was that their insides would soon be plastered all about the interior of them; for there were dangerous and unspeakable things about in that particular forest.


If you eat a burrito the size of a baby, wouldn't you expect . . . .

[Kelly_Sprout]

...the Mother of All Burritos (would that be la burrita?) to sit on, and flattulant your house?


Mad dogs and Englishmen...

[Pendragon]

is the title of an Eighth Doctor Who Novel on my bookshelf. Really whacky, I mean, poodles with hands? :lol:


"I say, Watson," Holmes asked: "Wasn't that bloody body in the ...

[RobinHood3000]

...dryer fifteen minutes ago? Put it back, before it drips all over my rug!! And I don't mean my toupee!!

Cryptonite, when spelled with a "c"...

[Pendragon]

is still a problem for The Man of Steel. Just because a crook can't spell doesn't make the stuff any less lethal to our friend in the blue and red costume! :brow:

"Hey, Hobby!" Spider-man taunted the HobGoblin. "Where'd ya get that glider, the local...

[AimusSage]

Wallmart? Who sold it to you, the three humped camel?

Operation Mindcrime is...

[kathycf]

a terrible problem amongst young folks today.

Capitolist piggies was on a sign waved in front of....

[Hyacinth Girl]

the farmers when kicked off the Animal Farm.

Napoleon was not just a dictator, he was also

[Kelly_Sprout]

a three-flavored ice-cream eater.

Never go to...
...before...
...or you'll...

[Haler]

Never go to a slaughterhouse
before eating liver, blood wurst and tongue,
or you'll end up paying your tip to the vomitorium. :eek:

Sometimes a nice lettuce leaf is.........

[thevintagepiper]

....a good medicinal tool.


Tomorrow may be dim, but yesterday must....

[Kelly_Sprout]

be a total imbecile.

...as lumpy as bookends.

[Haler]

Cats can be as lumpy as bookends when you sit on them.

When polishing silver forks...

[thevintagepiper]

...you must be certain not to let them use profanity.


Said the spoon to the paprika, "Courage is more...."

[kathycf]

"important than being reddish and spicy, so there!"

Turning in disgust, the Paprika retorted...

[Pendragon]

"Whoda ya tink ya are, Mack da Knife?" :lol:

Paprika continued: "What is dis? Do you want I should show ya da spice I got, ya...

[literaturerocks]

"know what im sayin yo??

cuz when im being a gansta yo homie gee i always say:..

[Haler]

"the hillllllllllls are alive with the sound of muuuusiicc." oh, wait....

Bridges, toothpicks and antelope all....

[Kelly_Sprout]

...are taller than small and smaller than tall.

Computerized antibioticals are no match...

[ShoutGrace]

. . . . for their nemesis, analog viruses!


Flowers die in vases but do not . . . .

[AimusSage]

wither as much when dried and put on display in a glass case so the little bastards can't touch them.

In the light of the sun...

[ShoutGrace]

. . . . unsightly moles are revealed and supposed models of the fairer sex are exposed for what they are: normal humans, not genetically enhanced super freaks.


Despite injuries, it is still possible . . . .

[AimusSage]

to drink firewater through a straw and subsequently fall down the stairs in an attempt to prove you can still walk down the stairs. :eek:

Here she comes, the...

[ShoutGrace]

. . . . largest turnip you'll ever see, boys! Back her in, back her in. Feast your eyes, lads. Thats it. Once in a lifetime opportunity, trust me. Hey! Hands off!


When in a wind tunnel, a person might be better off not . . . .

[AimusSage]

to pee against the wind. :goof:

She walked on the waterfront when...

[Kelly_Sprout]

...the commercials were over and that stupid sitcom came back on.

He tried to used "desert" and "dessert" in the same sentence, but...

[ShoutGrace]

. . . . the sophomoric cretins around him failed to apprehend the distinction, and instead decided to burn him for being a sophomoric cretin who didn't know the difference between 'desert' and 'dessert'.


Setting your alarm to get up and do laundry . . . .

[Pendragon]

means you are probably a bachelor, or at least living on your own.

OK, I'll get up and do the laundry! Boy, do I need a...

[Shakira]

. . .washing machine.

If I get a washing machine . . .

[Pendragon]

I won't have to keep spraying deodorant directly onto my clothes! :lol:

It is amazing how many days one can wear the same shirt before...

[Kelly_Sprout]

...her husband begins to notice.

We are all unique, but no one is more unique than...

[kathycf]

that person who has an onion instead of a head.

Onion Head sheds copious tears while....

[AimusSage]

watching that incredibly dramatic moment in the film. Why oh why did he have to peel his head? Now he missed most of the gruesome killing due to his tears.

In the starlight shines the colourful...

[kathycf]

jelly beans, and I am sure not picking those up!

I found a potato chip that looked exactly like....

[Kelly_Sprout]

...another potato chip! Who would have thought?

The difference between a train and a pink elephant is...

[fitzgolden]

... second's consideration.


If you want to be remembered affectionately .....

[Kelly_Sprout]

...be a kiss.

Sanguine, Cholera, Melancholy and Phlegm...

[Pendragon]

sounds like a good name for a rock band! http://www.clicksmilies.com/s0105/musik/music-smiley-026.gif


I'll tell thee everything I can because...

[Kelly_Sprout]

...it isn't all that much!

To travel well...

[Hyacinth Girl]

one must take loads of Dramamine!

To be a ninja warrior. . . .

[kathycf]

one must walk a lonely path, and eat lots of turnips.

Don't ninja warriors wear those funny looking....

[RobinHood3000]

...things on their funny-looking -- hggrkh!!


The invisible ninja...

[Pendragon]

is the ultimate in stealth technology assassination! http://1000smilies.com/sai.gif

When attacked by invisible ninja's, your best defese is to...

[literaturerocks]

take out your tonfa and nunchucku and swing away!

invisible ninjas dont like dogs because...

[Hyacinth Girl]

. . . they always get peed on while observing their mark.

To cover the smell of dog urine, invisible ninjas. . . .

[kathycf]

apply skunk essence liberally.

What did one invisible ninja say to the other? "Why that is a ...."

[Nightshade]

shadow I see, is it yours, or mine??""

The confused ninja can...

[Hyacinth Girl]

. . . .often knock themselves out cold with their own nunchucks.

The secret ninja must always. . . .

[RobinHood3000]

...compete with pirates for online attention.

Captain Jack...

[Kelly_Sprout]

...only competes with Cutty Sark.

Eight bells and...

[ktd222]

...and Oh...what a world of merriment their melody fortells!

If only Gargamel...

[Pendragon]

would stop chasing little blue, ah, people, all over the forest, he might become a great wizard!

http://1000smilies.com/smurf.gif

If I were a great wizard, I would...

[Kelly_Sprout]

...wiz greatly!


To become a wizard, one must first...

[Monica]

be a man.

We could touch the stars if...........

[kathycf]

we had really long arms.

Suddenly I found myself face to face with...

[RobinHood3000]

...an archer.

Massachusetts is...

[kathycf]

the home of foxy bathrobe wearers. :brow:

To make rubber duckies, one needs...

[RobinHood3000]

...two grown-up rubber ducks and a bottle of wine. ;)


The bathrobe swiftly...

[kathycf]

moved and smothered those pesky invisible ninjas.

Bathrobe wearing usually entails...

[RobinHood3000]

...a shower, either in the recent past or near future.

Hygiene is the most important meal of the...

[Kelly_Sprout]

...garbage collector.

Ghosts and champions share one...

[Pendragon]

thing in common: they are usually dead! http://www.industreal.spb.ru/smiles/scull.gif

Death is all that bad, really, you get used to drafty old houses...http://www.industreal.spb.ru/smiles/ghost.gif

[Hyacinth Girl]

and no one paying any attention to you at all.

A person wearing a silk bathrobe instead of a fuzzy one is. . . .

[Kelly_Sprout]

...not an ecologist and might not be dry.

Pianos with three legs sound...

[kathycf]

like somethng I wouldn't want to stand under.

If a train leaves New York at 10 am, then there must be....

[ShoutGrace]

. . . . nefarious forces at work, for who isn't aware of the fact that 10am is one of the eviler times known to NewYorkians?


If a tea and lemonade concoction is named after a human being, than surely . . . .

[Kelly_Sprout]

...it is almost cannabalism to order one, unless the person the drink is named after is the same sex as you and you are ordering the drink at a gay bar.



The novel doesn't write itself...

[Pendragon]

although I've read a few that if they had would have jumped off a bridge in shame! http://www.cosgan.de/images/more/bigs/g056.gif

They say that when the student is ready...

[kathycf]

he or she will fall off the vine, sort of like a tomato.

I looked up at the top of the page and suddenly saw...

[Kelly_Sprout]

...page numbers, which told me I was reading the book upsidedown.


Once in a while, even the Sunday Comics...

[kathycf]

are published on Thursdays.

Joe leapt to his feet with a shout and ...

[RobinHood3000]

...gingerly pulled the claw hammer from the seat of his pants.


An ice cube of plastic...

[Kelly_Sprout]

...ancestory originally started as a drop of hydrocarbons.


With more thrust than a jet engine,...

[Pendragon]

Zorro rammed his sword through the villainous bandito!

When watching Zorro, The Gay Blade, it is immpossible...

[RobinHood3000]

...not to be just a little frightened of George Harrison (hysterical movie!).

With a mighty crack of the whip...

[kathycf]

I turned and screamed:
"Robin, what the heck are you doing with Zorro's whip!!??!!!"

As the whip coiled around his own feet, tripping him suddenly and then...

[Pendragon]

to make matters worse he landed on the point of his own epee!

“It is not so deep as a well, nor so wide as a church door, but…

[kathycf]

it is bigger than a Toyota Corolla.

Early to bed and early to rise makes....

[RobinHood3000]

...for a slow poster and a dead Mercutio.


"Ask for me in the morning, and you shall find me...

[kathycf]

snoring like a buzzsaw.

If you ask for me in the afternoon, then....

[RobinHood3000]

...take a number; I'm busy.

Ask for me in the evening...:brow:...

[kathycf]

and be prepared for an evening you won't soon forget! ;)

Plopping my tiara on top of my head, I turned and....

[RobinHood3000]

...opened the door to greet my visitor. ;)

Robin, with pink tulips and daisies in hand...

[kathycf]

tripped and fell. But I was nice and didn't laugh (I even helped him up) because tulips and daisies are my favorite flowers. :nod:

Today it was sooooo hot that...

[RobinHood3000]

...Robin had to take his shirt off.


The blazing sun...

[Pendragon]

stood out against the smoggy sky like a drop of blood on the sidewalk.

The dame said she had a case for me. She looked like...

[Kelly_Sprout]

...like it might be a case of measles.


I eyed her speculatively, appreciating her...

[Hyacinth Girl]

raspy, smoker's voice as she explained her symptoms to me.
While never one to turn down a case or a dame. . . .

[RobinHood3000]

...I couldn't help but notice how, even after she extinguished her cigarette, smoke continued to flow from her nostrils.

I put on my trench coat and fedora, faced the camera, and...

[kathycf]

had a pack of cigarettes tossed at my head. You can't never trust no dames! :D

It was a dark and stormy night, with the moon riding high up in the....

[Kelly_Sprout]

...in the vicinity of where the plumber's pants should have been.


The dame looked at cigarette pack where it had fallen to the floor, then at me. Then she said, "Well, aren't you going to be a ..."

[kathycf]

gentleman, and pick up that cigarette pack I so rudely threw at you?

I turned to her so fast my fedora fell off my head. Taking her into my arms, I....

[RobinHood3000]

...sneezed. "You really should cut down," I said.

Taking a handkerchief to her face, I did my best...

[Kelly_Sprout]

...wipe the nicotine stains from her teeth.

She thought this was quite endearing and began to...

[Pendragon]

to try nibbling on my ear. I'd sooner had a rat bite, considering her breath smelled like a brush fire at a tobbaco farm.

Looking the dame straight in the peeps, I said in my sternest voice...

[kathycf]

"try 'nicotine gum' to kick the habit, before you go off to dame heaven."

"Do you mean I should stop smoking?" she said, and then....

[RobinHood3000]

...I said, "No, I mean you should stop breathing on me. Then stop smoking, before you come back."

A tear fell from her eye as she...

[kathycf]

stubbed her toe on some heavy object that was just laying there.

"Oh my" she said "What am I to..."

[RobinHood3000]

...a big, strong man like you?"


He replied...

[kathycf]

"Lola, (yes, that is the dame's name)..."Lola you are" ....

[Kelly_Sprout]

..., "A dame..." but his voice trailed off. Unfortunately, although able to read the most subtle clue in a crime scene, he had never learned to spell. He thought he was saying, "A damn...

[kathycf]

tobacco fiend! When are you going to quit???!


His face turned bright red and suddenly...

[Pendragon]

he remembered, a case! This dame had a case for him. What was it?

Well, whatever it was, a case paid the bills, especially ...

[kathycf]

those pesky overdue ones.

Setting his fedora firmly back on his head, he...

[mir]

took off after the villain like an alpaca out of hell. (or possibly Tibet.)

"My god!" she shouted, suddenly realizing she had

[RobinHood3000]

...forgotten to wear socks with her sandals.

Dashing out after the hero, the dame...

[Nightshade]

threw her shoe at him shouting "gimme back my tobacco"

Fortunatly he had....

[papayahed]

just finished patching the hole in the wall when his wife came home.


I looked in the hole but......

[kathycf]

found no place to stash my trenchcoat. Sheesh, maybe I should look into getting a summer substitute for it.

wiping the beads of sweat from my brow, I...

[Pendragon]

reviewed the facts in the case. Then I remembered that the tobacco-breathed dame had failed to ...

[Kelly_Sprout]

...give me any facts in the case. I realized she had just been blowing smoke! That gave me an inspiration. I picked up the heavy black receiver of my phone and began to...

[kathycf]

beat myself over the head with it, in the hopes of knocking out any other stray thoughts and memories. I then thought to myself "There must....

[mir]

hi kathy!

. . . be a reason for all these turnips!" suddenly everything became clear. i . . .

[Kelly_Sprout]

...picked up her butt off the floor where she had...

[ShoutGrace]

. . . . unceremoniously sprawled as a result of the . . . .

[Pendragon]

fact that she couldn't see through her own cloud of smog! "Look. If you have a case for me, spill it, or get...

[thevintagepiper]

....lost in your own personal haze. Still, I might add that it's not all....

[kathycf]

tea and cookies, you know. The detective business is an unforgiving one and...


*edit*

hi kathy!

Hey lady! :wave:

[aeroport]

worse still when you've hired a secretary out of pity who speaks not a word of English and is wholly incapable either of brewing tea or baking cookies. But still at the end of the day I find myself remembering what it is that makes it all worth it when I come home to my...

[kathycf]

pet centipede named "Snookums". Next to dames, having pets is one of the best parts of...

[Pendragon]

of being a P.I. But I need facts and I staggered over to my desk. I keep three things in my drawer. Two 45's, I keep them loaded. And a fifth of tequila, which I was praying would...

[Kelly_Sprout]

...keep me loaded. "So, schweetheart," I slurred, either because I was loaded or because I was trying to imitate Bogart,...

[ShoutGrace]

. . . . which doesn't make sense, because my sweetheart detests Bogart in the most definitive and sincere way, albeit only . . . .

[RobinHood3000]

...because of a childhood trauma involving fedoras. She does, however, love Ingrid...

[thevintagepiper]

...who helped her out of said trauma, with her brilliant imitation of Mr. Bean's voice. Sadly, Ingrid has been twelve.....

[Pendragon]

years missing, but I don't take cases they don't pay me to take. "So, about this case o' yours." I was was beginning to feel the effects of...

[Pensive]

...of the war taking place and...

[kathycf]

also the number of fedoras stacked on my head. I must say that the...

[ShoutGrace]

mind boggling volume of unidentified furry objects really . . . .

[aeroport]

boggled my mind as I went on, "Listen, Ing, heah's the deal...

[Pendragon]

"No facts, no case. Savvy? I got a business to run here and paying customers are ..."

[Kelly_Sprout]

...given priority over... well, everybody else. Now, if you want to cough up some cash just to chat, well then...

[kathycf]

I will have to duck because I know what a bad smoker's cough you have. Other than that, I....

[Hyacinth Girl]

want the facts, see. Just the facts. I can't solve a case without facts and I can't get paid, see, without solving a case. And let me tell you something, sweetheard, you aren't anything but meal ticket to me, see?
As she tuned to face him, the dame. . . .

[kathycf]

tripped over the litter of trenchcoats and fedoras all over the floor. "And I thought I was messy" she said "But you, why you just..."

[Hyacinth Girl]

can't even put a hat and coat where it belongs!
The dame had a point, all right. There were enough fedoras and trenchcoats to clothe the French Foreign Legion, but. . . .

[kathycf]

what the heck did I care? Indulging myself in a daydream I pictured the dame in a French Foreign Legion outpost surrounded by wisecracking, fedora wearing legionnaires and in the daydream she said....

[Hyacinth Girl]

why don't you put those fedoras away right now?" The legionnaires began to pelt the dame with them, and she began to scream. . . .

[kathycf]

"Hey Koolaid!" And wouldn't you know a big rampaging pitcher burst throught the wall and then....



http://i61.photobucket.com/albums/h56/kathycf/koolaid.jpg

[aeroport]

accompanied by Jack Sparrow's fanfare from the "Pirates of the Caribbean" soundtrack, began waddling about through the uniformed mass, tossing legionnaires into his cavity, where they drowned in a wet and sugary red mess. Just then I was most rudely brought back to reality by...

[Kelly_Sprout]

...the frustrated script writer who couldn't seem to control this plot line. He pounded furiously on the typewriter's keys, trying to force Ingrid to reveal...

[kathycf]

her ankles, but he should have known dames like Ingrid just don't do things like that. "What the heck ever happened to that dame Lola" he wondered as he ...

[Pendragon]

tried to figure out why the storyline keeps going from first person to third and back again. I didn't drink THAT much tequila! I finally figured out that the dame wanted me to find her two-timing old man. I'd introduce him to a friend close to my...

[RJbibliophil]

...great-step aunt on your father's side twice removed, who fought in the American Civil war before you were born. You really should meet both your great-step aunt and her close friend because you would...

[ShoutGrace]

. . . . likely be interested in their unaccounted for obsession with lattices. In case you didn't know, lattices . . . .

[kathycf]

are not the vegetables that are the building blocks of salads but something unique, in this case ...

[ShoutGrace]

. . . . a wholly unrefined form of art, languidly residing nearer the back of . . . .

[kathycf]

houses and apartment buildings. The wild lattice, in contrast to it's domestic cousin is most often found in the ...

[ShoutGrace]

. . . . wild underbrush of the treacherous Outback, and is known to the idigenous tribesmen as a . . . .

[kathycf]

The lattice that lurks by night....a most dreaded apparition and not one to be trifled with if you value your....

[ShoutGrace]

. . . . genitalia. Lattices have been know to, on multiple occasions, . . . .

[kathycf]

inflict serious injury on those not wearing protective undergarments. They must also never be called a name such as....

[ShoutGrace]

. . . . "Shirley", as they might then be subject to puerile jokes cracked by Leslie Nielsen, which would ultimately result in . . . .

[kathycf]

a bizarre and unfortunate incident with an amourous auto-pilot dummy. Still, that might not be...

[Kelly_Sprout]

...so far fetched, since Dame Lola Ingrid obviously suspected something!. I wondered if she wanted me to prove her husband's indiscretions or find...

[Pendragon]

this double crossing jerk and make him cough up enough mamuza to keep Lola Ingrid from also having me push a couple pills into him, and not the kind the doctor hands out. She said he hung out at a nightclub called the Blue Flamingo, which didn't help...

[kathycf]

since the only nightclub in this dump of a town was called The slightly offwhite, somewhat tan with a hint of yellow Flamingo and so I had to....

[Kelly_Sprout]

...head over to PI Depot to buy 127 blue highlighters. Armed with these and...

[kathycf]

a featherduster, I marched down the street. Suddenly, I heard a....

[Kelly_Sprout]

...voice in my head say, "Better quote the Dame a fee while you still can!"
"Shhhh!" I said. "I'm thinking...!"
"What?" she said.
"Hmmm?" I said.
"Don't 'shhh' me! I wasn't saying anything!"
"Don't tell me!" I replied. "Now, please state your case, then I'll state my fee, and then we can get on with...

[Jean-Baptiste]

...your political indoctrination. Now, your mom tells that you've been...

[Pendragon]

and just then I woke up in my office chair with a wicked hangover. I had a buzzing in my ears like a millon angry hornets. Wait. That was the door buzzer. Danged if the same dame wasn't back. I hoped she had the facts this time, because a full precussion band was playing in ...

[kathycf]

The PI office next door and it was really annoying me. Danged if the oddest thing didn't happen next...

[Pendragon]

The dame slaps five c-notes down on my cluttered desk, and says in a more cultured voice than her appearance warranted, "There's your pay for the next week. I need you to tail a man for me." For five c-notes, I trail the dude to...

[Kelly_Sprout]

...kindergarten, when he proceeded to sit on the floor and play with the other children. I began to wonder...

[kathycf]

if somebody wasn't losing their mind. "Was it me?" I thought and suddenly I noticed that the kindergarten teacher looked exactly like a ....

[aeroport]

bombshell Danish professor I'd had in my Oxford years with whom my relations were not always the most, shall we say, academic. This made me wonder if...

[Pendragon]

this dude had any extracurricular activity in mind involving the blonde bombshell? Did the dame know of this guy's activity and how much did she know about my own history? Well, she'd paid the five Ben Franklins, so I guessed for now I had to play the game her way. But something wasn't clicking right, and I found myself looking over my shoulder ...

[kathycf]

at a colossal pigeon just waiting to erm... "project" on me. Shaking my fist in the air and running off in a zig-zag pattern (the better to avoid pigeon projectiles) I screamed at the top of my lungs..."

[Pendragon]

"NEVERMORE!" Hey, it worked for the raven. So that's how the dame had been keeping tabs on me. A trained pigeon; a stoolie! But the bird couldn't tack someone inside a joint, and that's way she was paying me the dinero to trail this guy. Well, if that stool pigeon got close enough to bomb my glad rags, the dame would have pigeon under glass...

[kathycf]

or at least pigeon under tinfoil. Hey, us PIs are on a budget sometimes! Suddenly I noticed that a small crowd had gathered around me, watching me as I muttered to myself about pigeons and dames. "What gives?!" I said and turned around to face....

[Pendragon]

some guys in white coats. "Somebody been in an accident?" I asked, noticing that there was an ambulance parked across the street. The lead croaker was looking at me with a sort of stare that I reserved for rats caught in ...

[Kelly_Sprout]

...the act of stealing or beating someone up. "You the P.I. they call, 'Mike'?" he asked, menace in his voice. I looked at him sharply and replied...

[kathycf]

"Are there any PIs they call Sweetums? Who are they anyway? I always wondered about who those people are that call themselves 'they'...And what is up with toads and the number 9?" Warily circling around me, the whitecoats looked at each other meaningfully and then...

[aeroport]

gesturing to the kindergarten teacher (by now only a few yards away), the leader produced several photographs of the very lass with whom I had known such intimate relations back in the U.K. - unmistakably identical to the lady standing before me - with her head hanging out of a body bag, just before Ms. Jansson proceeded to rip her face off, Ethan Hunt-style, to reveal...

[Pendragon]

...oh, give us a break! It was a fake!...

[kathycf]

Stunned, the entire crowd gasped in one voice "Yeeeshhh!". Putting my finger aside of my nose, I said...

[aeroport]

"Damn, and I didn't even bring one of those stylish fedoras!" Meanwhile, the whitecoats were already...

[Pendragon]

moving in on the now un-masked man, who had been masquerading as a woman. I pulled a picture out of my jacket pocket. Yeah. This was the guy the dame wanted me to tail, all right. Well, as far as I was concerned...

[Hyacinth Girl]

the only tail I wanted relations with was the dame herself. I leaned in real close to the guy and whispered. . . .

[kathycf]

"Hey got any gum or mints? I know a dame that needs kissing" He turned to me and said "pal, 20 packs of gum would not be able to freshen your breath! What the heck have you been eating?" Blushing, I replied to him....

[Hyacinth Girl]

. . . oozing zombie fingers laced with turnips, of course! The guy began to shudder, and turning to the white coats holding his arms, said. . . .

[kathycf]

Oozing zombie fingers and turnips!!?! Oh Noessss! Taketh me away!

Looking at him oddly, the entire crowd said in one breath "Taketh? What is this 1697 or something?" Oddly enough....

[Hyacinth Girl]

I understood exactly where he was coming from. Too many nights spent chasing dames in a Shakespearean theatre troupe will do that. Sighing, I slapped him across the face to bring him out of it. He turned to me with a look of wonder. . . .

[RJbibliophil]

... in his toes.

The girl from across the street and three doors down...

[Schokokeks]

has never thought of herself all her life. But this special morning, she ...

[RJbibliophil]

...wondered which suitor she loved more, instead of which one would make a better husband. This thought led to...

[Pendragon]

a diversion from the maintrack of the story, which was fine, because it was getting complicated anyway. So this young lass was wondering which dude would be better to march down the asile with. There was Larry, the dark sensitive, but sort of boring type, and John, the devilish, live-for-today character: very interesting, but what about the long run? She looked in the mirror and sighed deeply. She wasn't...

[kathycf]

a good housekeeper and that was one super smudged mirror. Taking a bottle of windex in one hand and an old newspaper in the other (newspaper makes a good tool for window cleaning for real!) she stopped just before beginning her task and noticed a headline on the old paper that read...

[Pendragon]

Police Seek Suspect IN Catburgulary. There was a police artist sketch, and even though these are usually of poor quality, she was certain she knew that face. It just had to be...

[Kelly_Sprout]

Robin Hood! She noted the jaunty leather cap with the feather in the brim and the green blouse. I could read her face like detective story. She was wondering if I had seen...

[kathycf]

her trip. Let's face it, the dame was a total klutz. "How odd" I said to myself for I had just noticed that...

[Pendragon]

her shoes didn't fit all that well, and come to think of it, neither did that dress. I glanced again at the police sketch. Hummm. You know, if you allowed for the plastered-on makeup, her own face would fit the description as well. "What did you say your name was?" I asked her. The left hand that went up to scratch her hair had calloused fingers. She replied...

[totyfroty]

"I donot remember"

I am so happy because......

[Will Press]

....jimmy cracked corn and I do care.

I wouldn't go with you for all the......

[Pendragon]

angels that can dance on the head of this pin!


Sherlock Holmes examined the footprints with his magnifying glass. "There is no doubt. The culprit is...

[Kelly_Sprout]

...guilty.


The trucker was so busy reading Burma Shave signs that he...

[penelopea]

dropped his popsicle.

Oliver felt sick and the little girl with the pointed nose said:

[Hyacinth Girl]

if you wouldn't eat fried worms, you wouldnt' feel this way.
Oliver turned away from the little girl and thought. . . .

[AimusSage]

Fried worms? Everybody knows they taste better when still alive!
So he looked back and said to her:...

[Hyacinth Girl]

"You're just a silly little girl! What do you know?!"
Unfortunately, upon uttering those fateful words. . . .

[kathycf]

a whole roving gang of little girls arrived on the scene, pretty annoyed at Oliver's sexist remarks. "Silly, huh?" the leader said meanly, while twirling her pink hair ribbon. " Kid, I am going to show you what silly really means!"

gulping loudly, Oliver brushed the sweat from his brow and said....

[ktd222]

gulping loudly, Oliver brushed the sweat from his brow and said confusingly, "where's the beef?"

Then Eddy came wondered out of Yellowstone, and looking up at the full moon, screams...

[AimusSage]

"All you silly girls are belong to us"

Obviously, eddy spend to much time on the internet and...

[kathycf]

suffered from a nasty case of carpal tunnel syndrome. Wondering just who this Eddy dude was, but glad of the distraction he provided, Oliver used the opportunity to make a break for it and escape the marauding pre-pubescent females. Suddenly a shocking turn of events occured....

[Pendragon]

Oliver realized with growing horror why Eddy had yelled about the girls belonging to "them." All of the girls suddenly and quickly turned into werewolves! Olvier turned to see Eddy leaning against the wall buffing his nails. "It's nothing personal, old chap." Eddy remarked as Oliver went down under the onrush of fur and fangs. "Somebody has to...

[kathycf]

be dinner for wolf-girls and they sure don't want Kraft macaroni and cheese!".

Then, the pack leader belched gently and then looked at the treacherous Eddy with a gleam in her eye. Putting down his nail buffer, Eddy...

[Hyacinth Girl]

picked up his modified machine gun loaded with custom-made silver bullets. Noting this, the pack leader. . . .

[kathycf]

tried twirling her pink hair ribbon again as a distraction which did not work nearly as well as she might have hoped. Eddy, noticing he had a slight advantage over the young girl-wolves took his chance to...

[Pendragon]

comb his hair, and check his reflection in a mirror. His idol was Beau Brummel, and he always dressed to the nines, and was extremely fussy about grooming. As the wolf-girls drew slowly and cautiously closer, Eddy remarked. "You know, I really would hate to use this gun. It might not go over so well with The Big Man Downstairs. So what say we just...

[kathycf]

"...have a group manicure session. My nails for sure need more buffing and all those claws you gals have look like they need a trim".

Looking down at their feet/paws, the wolf-girls howled in unison and....

[Kelly_Sprout]

...then waited, as if listening to see if the moon would howl back. To my surprise, it...

[rabid reader]

ate people. I thought the bloody...

[Pendragon]

world was coming to an end! Lady Werewolves and a bloodthirty Moon! What next, a flock of Harpies? Dang, I sould have kept my big mouth shut! Fortunately, no one knew yet that fastidious Eddy was actaully a Vampire. A Dragon was out there...

[rabid reader]

Eating peace sign waving hippies. They wished that there voices would be heard, but in the end all that was heard was...

[kathycf]

a faint echo of a song..."all we are saying, is give peace a chance"
Eddy looked around him, somewhat distraught. Here it was daytime, no peaceloving do-gooder hippie types to feed on and him without his 450 spf sunblock. "Uh oh" said Eddy...

[Kelly_Sprout]

...noting that an egg was sizzling on the sidewalk. "It looks like someone in the basement apartment has forgotten to turn off..."

[kathycf]

...their radio. Is that a Lawrence Welk song? Or maybe it is Bon Jovi..."

Suddenly torn from his music related reverie, our hero...

[Riesa]

looked up to find a well-aimed tomato smearing his glasses, "oh, for those miniature glasses-wipers I wanted to invent," he lamented.

In good times, coffee and .............

[Virgil]

...amaretto make a sweet after dinner drink.

Hurricane Ernesto has decided to....

[Kelly_Sprout]

...hurricaneo in earnest.

If you read this thread from the beginning to the end...

[Riesa]

you'll give a curtsy to Scher for starting it.

Elbows back, feet apart, knees together.......

[Pendragon]

what a ridiculous position to stand in, but hey, when you play golf you dress funny anyway, so you might as well go for it all! Eddy stared down at the golfers as he flew by, the hurricane rain having blotted out the sun and allowing him to shape shift into a bat. "Dweebs!" He muttered. "All that for a ...

[kathycf]

...werewolf pack, a nail buffing and a sidewalk fried egg. And look, what is that up ahead? Is that a..."

[Virgil]

... a bird? Oh yes. Oh no, plop.


One, two, three, four; who the hell...

[kathycf]

...shut the door!" Setting off into the sunset, our hero (whoever he is by now, I forget) hummed a sad sweet song from the days when he wore a younger man's clothes. Why was he wearing that? Well, let me tell you a story...

[Pendragon]

Once upon a midnight in a far-off time, if you could call the tedious passing of the lonely hours in a heartless 3 by 6 prison cell time, a nameless prisoner stared through the bars across the window at the moon and gave a listless sigh. A deep longing was in his soul ...

[kathycf]

...for alas, he had no turnips and there was no chance of getting any in the foreseeable future. Every fiber of his being chafed at the confinement. Shaking his fist in the air, he bellowed "You'll never take me freedom!" Suddenly realizing the absurdity of what he had just done, he...

[Kelly_Sprout]

...began to laugh so long and so hard that his sides ached and his nose ran. Well, here in the cell his nose ran for every little...

[Pendragon]

burst of emotion he could wreak out of his emaciated frame. He could not recall how long he had been there, or for that matter even where he actually was at the present moment. He gripped the window bars so hard that he seemed to see two moons in the sky, not one. Wait, no there were two moons...

[kathycf]

because of course the gardener just happened to be trimming a shrub in front of the cell window...and the bane of plumbers is also the bane of gardeners.
"derrierre decolletage" and this was an extreme example of this dreaded occurence. "Can it get any worse?" he said and ...

[Pendragon]

just at that moment, supper arrived, skidded into the cell on a tin plate via a small opening. A leather water bottle came after it. The man in the cell was famished, but the sight and smell of the stuff they called "food" at this prison would give a starving rat the dry heaves. He wasn't sure how much longer...

[kathycf]

he could play tin plate frisbee with that starving rat, but he was going to try his darndest. That rat, skinny as she was, was very good at catching the plate in her teeth. "I should name her...what would be a good name for a lady rat? I know..."

[Kelly_Sprout]

"...Varmette! I shall name you Varmette!"

She didn't seem as impressed with this as he thought she would have been, though. She smiled back, her long, yellow insizors gleaming dully. She replied, "And I shall name YOU..."

[ShoutGrace]

. . . . Fred, due to your persitent combover and generally lukewarm demeanor. This appelation, of course, aroused a most distressing . . . .

[kathycf]

giggle from the aforementioned "Fred" as he contemplated making Varmette stew.
Suddenly realizing that the rat had actually spoken to him, Fred smoothed back his tousled combover and...

[Pendragon]

said "Well, it's finally happened, I guess. Lock a man up, starve him, and he looses his marbles and starts to talk to a rat and hear it talk back." He laughed mirthlessly. "Well, Vermette dear, they will still never get any information out of me, and, excuse the pun, but I don't think you'll "rat" on a fellow!" He went off into a slightly insane giggle...

[kathycf]

and was soundly chastised for it by the ill tempered jailer. "Shut yer piehole, doofus" the jailer snarled. Fred flew into a rage at the mere mention of pie and then...

[Pendragon]

he noticed the keys were hanging very close to the barred section of the door. He stooped and picked up the tin plate. "I really must call your attention to the fact that this simply isn't..." The Jailor, who had been listening intently, suddenly got the tin plate behind his left ear and fell into the bars. "...pie!" Unlocking the cell, the man, who could have been named "Fred" since he had no idea who he was whistled for the rat to follow him. ....

[kathycf]

as if he was some sort of combover version of the Pied Piper of Hamlin. Varmette the Rat took a bit of offense at his presumptious attitude, but decided to let it slide since she knew Fred (or whatever his name was) was delusional and imagining her anyway. Does this seem odd or confusing to you? Well then...

[Pendragon]

just imagine the shape poor Fred must be in! He scooped up the rat and turned...

[kathycf]

and tripped over an enormous pile of tin plates. Rubbing his posterior, Fred grumbled because he had injured his left foot in the fall. Just then, the turnkey started to walk down the hall. He hadn't spotted Fred yet, so he clutched Varmette to him and sidled to the left...

[Pendragon]

and slammmed headlong into the locked door across the hall from his own cell! Uttering some phrases that he definately did not learn in a house of worship, some which even made the rat cringe, "Fred", staggered back and followed the fleeing flunkey up the twisting corroidor. That had to be the way out, he reasoned, otherwise why would there be a blank wall at the opposite end? Questions poured down like the...

[kathycf]

proverbial question pourer downer thingy. "Who, ..what?! When! Where, how?" Suddenly Fred felt as if he was back in his journalism for nitwits class at his alma mater. "What is wrong with me?" he groused. Just then...

[Pendragon]

Vermette, Varmette, or whatever the @!!## that rat's name was remarked in her whiney voice. "Hey, Einstein, you just passed the door to the outside!" Fred turned and looked back. The rat was right. The door was less than six feet behind him. "I thought you were a figment of my imagination!" he growled. "Don't growl at me when I'm saving your ignorant butt!” she shot back as Fred unlocked...

[kathycf]

the door to another cell, and promptly locked himself in. Why, nobody knows. Oh well what can one do?

[Pendragon]

"Is your story finally over?" grumped a bat which was flying in circles around my head. "Uh, yes, yes it is, why?" "Because this was supposed to be about me, meathead! You remember, Eddy, the Vampire who was fleeing from the pack of young werewolf maidens? What does it take to get a little press around here, being Jack the Ripper?" Unfortunately, he shouldn't have mentioned Jack because I had this theory...