New Attempts

[Sharkán]

I have 4 new poems. All blank verse pieces. As to the advice I receiv'd on "A Newcomer's Plea," I've taken that very much to heart. Only it has been a minor challenge: Very often in writing longer poems, especially in blank verse, I put much stock in antiquated phrases. Hopefully my skill can improve, not in the least w/ my viewers' gracious advice.

This first piece I wrote on the 19th of January. I almost think it's a nonsense piece, done more as an experiment than anything.

I bow down to the king of heaven's host:
With light of moon and star he robes himself,
And all about* his brow do comets ring. *maybe, And round about etc.
There is no hope to reason with this lord.
It is that ev'ry whim must be fulfill'd,
Ev'ry caprice ignobly he commands.
For that sole truth I am made to kowtow;
Made to surrender to my soul's back-room.

The second I wrote on the 22nd. I found inspiration after reading a little of Matthew Arnold's Sohrab and Rustum. Tho' I personally think some more content could be inserted here & there.

Shall I then sally forth? There is no love
In my bosom for vic'tries bittern won,
While here I am allow'd some minor ease,
But sweet as heaven's air were one to think
Upon the gray, the grave-cold realm without;
Therefore depart, if still you think to woo
My sword--but do you quite this fruitless quest,
And with the rising sun may friendship spring.

This I also wrote on the 22rd:

Lady, would you but the honor accord,
Then as the Lord does live, I am your man!

And this I wrote on the 23rd. It's something of a daydream put to blank verse. Inspired from an idea I had for a prose work. And supplemented after reading Tennyson's The Lotos-Eaters.

For numberless seasons he dwells at Ind,
Claims that balmy nation his second home,
And all the while makes friendly with the folk
Whose dusky skins do claim him alien there;
But no matter the time to win their trust,
Soon he and they are set in peaceful clime,
And for what spicèd air can [originally may] make an age,
This snow-white fool swoons as tho' in a dream.

So what do you think? I admit that some antiquated phraseology still clings to my style, but I feel (and this may only be for my blank verse writing & the like) my works, however meagre, would lose something of setting & mood if they were written otherwise. I could be wrong, tho'.

So kindly let me know what you think, & we'll go from there.

Thankfully yours,
Sharkán.