Pineapples

[The Unnamable]

I’m confident that many Literature fans are also lovers of pineapples, but how many of us realise what a blighted history this poor fruit has had?

I adore pineapples and was shocked to read the following references:

"Pineapple, you heathen of a fruit!" D H Lawrence.

"This horrid fruit that you prize is the damnation of all that is pure." Charles Dickens

"Oh, imbecilic fruit, I laugh at your ugliness. You are an acidic ogre in the plantation of fair fruit" Oscar Wilde.

“Pine….cedar…kernels and may-jors…apple…of the tree…of life...and death…allgoneinaninstant…but the pips remain.” James Joyce


"Pineapples?!! Yuk!" Dan Brown

“What, after all, is a pineapple but a fruit with warts?” Mark Twain


“i sing of fruit
and
sallyandbill
come running
onetwothreefour
tripping ov(er) the applepineapplepineapplepineapple
pine(childhood)apple
g
o
n
e”

e e cummings


"The tree that spawns such an awful gourd should answer the wrath of the winds of decency." Martin Luther King

"You can drop your bombs like pineapples on a beach, but like the pineapple you have a tender middle, we will exploit that tenderness like a parrot exploits its prey." Sir Winston Churchill.

"Why have a moist body if your opening is hard, hard like a wretched pineapple that has to be discarded because of its repugnance?" Barbara Cartland.

“Only the deathly pineapple sits happy in an orchard.” Robert Frost

“Of all fresh fruit chunks if the learn’d are right
It is the knobbles kill and not the sight.” – Alexander Pope

"Beauty is not a pineapple with its scaly exterior of nasty bumps of hate, beauty is not a pineapple with its manic tufts. If a pineapple had eyes it would surely scare the fairest of damsels" Hemingway.

"A wicked fruit from a wicked tree. Die like the useless gourd you are. Leave before you sicken both heaven and hell." George Washington.

I have to admit that I was somewhat surprised at the loathing that a pineapple evokes. Is it fair or is there a more hated fruit?

Partly borrowed from someone who never ceased making me laugh.

[papayahed]

Is there any champions of the pineapple out there??

I thought people used to put up pineapple door knockers and the like because pineapples meant "welcome".





Ode to my cousin The Pineapple by Papayahed


Oh Pineapple
You maybe hard to cut up
but I like you anyways
It may take a long time to grow
and get to big for the house
but I like you anyways

[beer good]

Thou kin of Chinese chicken!
Thou hand-grenade of sweetness!
Mine fingers I'll be licken'
All for to taste your neatness!
Thou growest in a silly way,
'Tis true, I must admit;
For tree or bush too much you weigh
So on the ground you sit.
But matter not, no matter not
That thou appearest weird
And worry not, no not one jot
When from your stalk you're sheared.
Thy blades may jab and prick my skin
Thy shell it may be rough;
But I'll ignore the pain you bring
Thy taste makes up for't 'nough!
If thou be fresh or tinnéd
Thou art fit for all suggestions!
Thou makes me not break winnéd
Thou givest not indigestion!
O Pineapple, O Pineapple,
For all that thou wouldst grant us
We thank thee, and unto our death
Prefer thee to bananas!

© beer good, 2006.

[The Unnamable]

Does anyone else feel that we’re not in Kansas any more? Surreal though this is, I loved both of those responses. They’ve made me think again about just how odd a fruit it is. The great thing is, I can get them just down the road from here, neatly cut, nicely chilled and succulently fresh, for less than the price I’d pay for a newspaper in Europe.

[Scheherazade]

The recent cheese and now the pineapple threads made me remember another thread we had: http://www.online-literature.com/forums/showthread.php?t=12830

[RobinHood3000]

Whoever thinks a pineapple is a terrible fruit evidently hasn't sat on a durian before...

[papayahed]

Does anyone else feel that we’re not in Kansas any more?

No, I just looked out my window.....I'm still in Kansas.

[RobinHood3000]

And yet...



Location: Michigan

[papayahed]

And yet...


I'm slow at changing things....

[Chava]

Ah.. I love pineapple, and i must give a hand to Robinhood, for so correctly referring us to Durian. Recall if you will, that this is a fruit that is banned in most hotels, not to mention the cause of gas leak warnings upon several incidents!
(The tast is heavenly though)

[Nightshade]

Hey when I was a baby I didnt drink milk I was fed pineapple juice instead (lactase deffincey/lactoseintolerance).

[RobinHood3000]

Ah.. I love pineapple, and i must give a hand to Robinhood, for so correctly referring us to Durian. Recall if you will, that this is a fruit that is banned in most hotels, not to mention the cause of gas leak warnings upon several incidents!
(The tast is heavenly though)
If you think a penny is deadly when dropped from a building, try sending one of these babies off a ledge...

The Infamous Durian (http://www.exoticfruit.com.au/images/WeeklyPhotos/27%20Mar%2005%20-%20Durian%20-%20The%20King.JPG)

Makes the pineapple look kinda sissy, don't it? :brow:

[Chava]

Dear Sir Robin, i've grown up eating those fruits, participated in harvesting it fresh from the forest, you can't unnerve me...

[No One]

Pinnapples Are NOOBS!!!

[RobinHood3000]

Speaking of "n00bs," welcome to the forums, No_One. I have a question: hasn't 1337speak DIED already??

[Virgil]

"Pineapple, you heathen of a fruit!" D H Lawrence.

Being that I'm a semi-expert on D.H. Lawrence, if he called a pineapple heathen, for him that's a compliment. So he must of had a soft spot for pineapples.

I too enjoy pineapples. Coincidentally I have one in the refrigerator right now which needs cutting up. For those complaining about the difficulty of cutting them up, my mother developed a technique which I'll share. Slice the pineapple along its length into about 1-2 inch disks. Take each disk and lay it flat. Then cut off the skin by walking the knife in a circle around the outer perimeter of the juicy fruit.

EDIT: Correction to the pineapple cutting procedure. 1-2 inch disks are too big. They should be about 1/2inch to an inch wide. (Sorry if I don't use metric. I prefer English units.)

[rachel]

I’m confident that many Literature fans are also lovers of pineapples, but how many of us realise what a blighted history this poor fruit has had?

I adore pineapples and was shocked to read the following references:

"Pineapple, you heathen of a fruit!" D H Lawrence.

"This horrid fruit that you prize is the damnation of all that is pure." Charles Dickens

"Oh, imbecilic fruit, I laugh at your ugliness. You are an acidic ogre in the plantation of fair fruit" Oscar Wilde.

“Pine….cedar…kernels and may-jors…apple…of the tree…of life...and death…allgoneinaninstant…but the pips remain.” James Joyce


"Pineapples?!! Yuk!" Dan Brown

“What, after all, is a pineapple but a fruit with warts?” Mark Twain


“i sing of fruit
and
sallyandbill
come running
onetwothreefour
tripping ov(er) the applepineapplepineapplepineapple
pine(childhood)apple
g
o
n
e”

e e cummings


"The tree that spawns such an awful gourd should answer the wrath of the winds of decency." Martin Luther King

"You can drop your bombs like pineapples on a beach, but like the pineapple you have a tender middle, we will exploit that tenderness like a parrot exploits its prey." Sir Winston Churchill.

"Why have a moist body if your opening is hard, hard like a wretched pineapple that has to be discarded because of its repugnance?" Barbara Cartland.

“Only the deathly pineapple sits happy in an orchard.” Robert Frost

“Of all fresh fruit chunks if the learn’d are right
It is the knobbles kill and not the sight.” – Alexander Pope

"Beauty is not a pineapple with its scaly exterior of nasty bumps of hate, beauty is not a pineapple with its manic tufts. If a pineapple had eyes it would surely scare the fairest of damsels" Hemingway.

"A wicked fruit from a wicked tree. Die like the useless gourd you are. Leave before you sicken both heaven and hell." George Washington.

I have to admit that I was somewhat surprised at the loathing that a pineapple evokes. Is it fair or is there a more hated fruit?

Partly borrowed from someone who never ceased making me laugh.

For heavens' sake what were those people on?

Pineapple,
you burst of sunlight whose liquid refreshes and restores
laughter and childish delight to the palate

well that is how I feel about pineapple and I am so dumbfounded at all the hate out there that I feel impelled to go and buy one this evening and simply hug it against my chest on one side, hasia on the other and read them watership down. I am sure we will all have a very merry time. :D

[rachel]

If you think a penny is deadly when dropped from a building, try sending one of these babies off a ledge...

The Infamous Durian (http://www.exoticfruit.com.au/images/WeeklyPhotos/27%20Mar%2005%20-%20Durian%20-%20The%20King.JPG)

Makes the pineapple look kinda sissy, don't it? :brow:


hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha :lol: :lol: :lol:

[beer good]

YES!
:brow: :brow: :brow:
I found a can of pineapple
On a shelf behind the flour!
I thought I didn't have any
This truly made my hour!
I've opened it, and now intend
To listen to some jazz
And eat my pineapple in peace.
Only one thing, alas,
Disturbs my happiness right now
But I will take my chances:
Who do I bribe to get a smiley
With a pineapple that dances?

[Scheherazade]

I feel impelled to go and buy one this evening and simply hug it against my chest on one side, hasia on the other and read them watership down. I am sure we will all have a very merry time. :DJust make sure there are no confusions at bedtime:

Baby Hasia: Bath, nappy change, bed

Pineapple: Kitchen, fruit rack.

[rachel]

Just make sure there are no confusions at bedtime:



Baby Hasia: Bath, nappy change, bed

Pineapple: Kitchen, fruit rack.


NOW YOU TELL ME !!! :rage:

I apologized to them both but all I got was stony silence from Fred the pineapple and baby hasia kept saying something that sounded like "that's gonna hurt in the mornin!"

[RobinHood3000]

Dear Sir Robin, i've grown up eating those fruits, participated in harvesting it fresh from the forest, you can't unnerve me...
Hehehe...even though that site I linked you to calls the durian the "King of Fruits," I always get the urge to chain one to a stick and swing it around my head...

[Nightshade]

Ojhh this thread has given me a hankering for pineapple Ithink Il just get off teh compuer and pop along to the shops before they close :D :D pineappple yumm, might as well get the ingrediants for cheese cake while Im there hadnt I :D :brow:

[rachel]

Funny thing, I was all indignant after reading the many swipes against the pineapple.
After writing what I thought I felt better. Then I decided to read some of the quotes Unnameable included against the pineapple to travis and clayton.
To my absolute astonishment they starting trashing them too. They went on and on and on and although they at least admitted the basic taste is good they told me all the ways they hate having it.And here all this time I thought they loved those receipes like me. So from now on I have to cut it so deep there is no hint of roughness and only put sugar and whipping cream on their. traitors!

[The Unnamable]

Funny thing, I was all indignant after reading the many swipes against the pineapple.
After writing what I thought I felt better. Then I decided to read some of the quotes Unnameable included against the pineapple to travis and clayton.
To my absolute astonishment they starting trashing them too. They went on and on and on and although they at least admitted the basic taste is good they told me all the ways they hate having it.
I’m sure you won’t take this the wrong way, rachel, but you’ve got to admit that’s not just funny, it's really funny. Think of the resentment they have been harbouring every time they’ve been served up a slice or chunk (now there's a topic). It all builds up, you see and one fine day, a catalyst arrives on the scene and ....


And here all this time I thought they loved those receipes like me. So from now on I have to cut it so deep there is no hint of roughness and only put sugar and whipping cream on their. traitors!
As usual, I don’t know whether I should apologise or feel smug. I’m glad that something as easily overlooked as a pineapple can provoke such responses. All I’d originally intended to do was provoke a smile.

[rachel]

Oh go ahead do feel smug. I don't begrudge you. But I hope you realize I am moving in with you like it or not for there is now a silent but palpable distrust in this house, one for the other. I tried to discern their 'real feelings' about the dinner last night. They ate is all and had seconds, but was that because they now are trying to placate me and be polite or because they liked the food or just because they are always very hungry and 'any port in a storm?'
And now when they do something for me I say in a quiet monotone "oh thankyou very much(I mean it) and sort of shrug and now I can catch them studying me to see if I am doing those things. You have started a silent war thankyou very much.
The only way I am going to get round this is to have company over and play a 'game' where each person anonymously writes down what he or she loves eating and drinking and doing and then because I don't really know their handwriting from other's we mainly type, I shall have to from that hour forward only do what ten people have written down until I can get each one of the guests alone and threaten their lives if they don't tell me which paper was theirs. Oh the bother! But I am determined that nothing shall pass the lips of my family that they don't absolutely enjoy and love.
And as for you Fred the pineapple.....well thanks for nothing!

[RobinHood3000]

~as Green Arrow in full Robin Hood garb, pulls out a horn and blows a rendition of TAPS for the dearly departed Fred~

[rachel]

somehow M'Lord and I am shocked at myself, I feel no pain for Fred.

[Xamonas Chegwe]

We've had cheese, and now pineapples. Perhaps we should complete the cocktail stick and have a thread on the literary merits of pickled onions?

Just a thought....

[RobinHood3000]

What about those little cocktail weenies?