Caroline

[amuse]

nourishment,
love

jetting,
dribbling.

tears rain
from my breast
onto
shower panes,
too fat and heavy
to fall from my
eyes

milk that you
will never
drink
the nurse told me
to dry up
but how can i stop
this is all i have
we will never
be together again
so i may...
never...
stop
spilling
...something.

i save some
for you
it's in a ziploc bag
in my freezer

should you ever
need it
i guess you don't need it
now
you don't need me
anymore

i will always need you

how? can
you be gone
when you're all
i think
about/revolve around,

why did
my body fail us?

and why when
death came
knocking
did i offer only...

i am so sorry,
my little one.

health is a poor
comfort and
no substitute
for you.

[Isagel]

I read this almost a month ago, and I did not know what to write. But I thought I had to give you some kind of sign that someone was here. I read this. It hurt. It left me in loss of words. Like a punch to the stomach makes you loose your breath.

[blp]

Sorry, I missed this one. I think the bits of this that really work are:



the nurse told me
to dry up

we will never
be together again
so i may...
never...
stop
spilling
...something.

i save some
for you
in a ziploc bag
in my freezer

should you ever
need it
i guess you don't need it

i will always need you

i am so sorry,
my little one.

health is a poor
comfort and
no substitute
for you.

[genoveva]

milk that you
will never
drink




i save some
for you
it's in a ziploc bag
in my freezer

should you ever
need it
i guess you don't need it
now
you don't need me
anymore

i will always need you



What a sad poem! The above lines are especially powerful, to me.
I feel like this poem is not complete. I think there are some more things that you want to say in it. There are some places that you can expand on thoughts and feelings. It seems like a very difficult subject matter to write about.

[jon1jt]

The poem is a bit rough to read, too rough. The narrator I gather is pining over the loss of her child.

we will never
be together again
so i may...
never...
stop
spilling
...something.

This use of "never" here doesn't fit into the real experience. "Never...stop spilling...something." I'm confused, totally.

The last stanza is equally unintelligible in terms of where it fits into the pain and suffering expressed here. I'm missing it.

I agree with genoveva---those are the best lines in the piece, very smooth, delicate, yet convincing.

Thanks for sharing!!!

[amuse]

oof!...guilty. sometimes i sacrifice clarity for emotion. well, a lot of times actually! ...sorry to confuse, jon1jt.
i was refering to maybe "never" being able to stop spilling the tears/milk. as if doing that would somehow retain her, continually spilling the last mementos of her stay.
also, the end is an obscure reference to having had to end my pregnancy to save my life.

[blp]

I don't understand the objection to 'never' partly because it does make sense, partly because, even if it didn't, this is a poem.

[Gokhan]

This is the first poem that I read from you so I will not generalize any of the aspects in your work. I personally liked the way how you expanded the concept as you talked about a baby and mother not sharing the same world anymore in terms of being comitted to each other. A dramatic portray mainly so I found it quite understandable how you added such emotions with few words. A nice poem in overall.