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Sharkán
01-14-2006, 09:15 PM
For the now please be lenient in reviewing and critiquing these meagre samples. I'm still relatively new here.

Dawn yet did stray behind the dusky mount,
That never once the sun might play on fount,
On lawn or grain or vine, these few to name,
But must with star and hornèd moon make game:
O doff thy fears! he rose as yesterday,
For [originally "and"] no thing might obstruct his steady way;
Within the town came those of early rise,
Without those of no home, ye might surmise.
And those who did these institutions tend,
Some lawn or grain or vine -- all fit to mend --
Rose quick after the first, to work their land,
For in that place to find some other hand
At work upon the plot of such a man,
Might that not be against the Maker's plan?

For Once A Good Rhyming Work (1/9/2006)As you can see I favor iambic pentameter: I attribute my love of it to Milton, Chaucer, Marlowe, and of course to Shakespeare. This work I don't so much count as a "final piece", but more as an exercise. And as to blank verse I favor it all the more.

’Twas with the twinkling of an eye,
And in such time what things can pass,
Our hero dwelt upon his quest,
The theme thereof, besides, ’twould seem:
How now the road he did traverse?
The very thought call'd futile still?
What of those in the town he left,
Did they think him as one asleep?

This is also an exercise. An exercise in unrhymed tetrameter. I mostly tried this after inspiration from a translation into English of the Kalevala, the Finnish epic poem. I have some Finnish heritage, and it is an handsome poem to say the least. Well, that's about it. Thanks in advance for any helpful reviews.

Xamonas Chegwe
01-15-2006, 06:34 PM
Sharkán,

I'm no poet, a mere dabbler, but they strike me as if you're deliberately trying to imitate an archaic style. Phrases like "hornéd moon" and "'twould seem" smack of a conscious attempt to sound Shakespearean. I would prefer to hear your voice, not your impersonation of Marlowe.

There's some interesting imagery and phrasing in the mix though. I would reccomend concentrating on this aspect rather than trying to force everything into a rigid framework.

I hope you find this constructive. It is intended that way.

Sharkán
01-15-2006, 08:09 PM
I see your point. And I suppose I should try to speak more from the "modern" dialect, and thus from my own "voice", even if I do make use of rhyme & meter & the like.

It reminds me somewhat how Shakespeare & Marlowe & Chaucer themselves spoke in a language wholly understood by the people of their day, no matter how highly we enthrone the dialect in our age.

In other words, you're absolutely right. I would do well to prosper from your advice. Thanks.

McLean
01-16-2006, 02:22 AM
I see your point. And I suppose I should try to speak more from the "modern" dialect, and thus from my own "voice", even if I do make use of rhyme & meter & the like.

It reminds me somewhat how Shakespeare & Marlowe & Chaucer themselves spoke in a language wholly understood by the people of their day, no matter how highly we enthrone the dialect in our age.

In other words, you're absolutely right. I would do well to prosper from your advice. Thanks.

I won't critique your poetry, especially since what you posted were not finished works. I think poetry is like any other art, one writes it for one's self and if other people think its wonderful, then maybe one can earn some bucks with it.

If you can teach yourself to write as well as Shakespeare, or Marlowe, or Chauser, in their various styles (and Chauser after all, tried to write like everyone), using a modern vocabulary, I'll stand in line and pay my bucks.

More power to ya. I'd like to read more.

Sharkán
01-17-2006, 09:15 PM
I should be giving more. But those were relatively new pieces when I posted them, so I want to give my audience some credit by posting a fresh poem. Sorry if I'm making anybody impatient. Do I have any audience?

Whatever the case; expect some more soon enough.

hemial
01-19-2006, 10:31 AM
Sharkán - to my humble opinion your attempts are not bad. Though the Shakespearian does come through, I don't feel being in the position to judge whether this is intentionally or not. You know that my poems are written in archaic English and expecially "Loch Tay" also reminds of Shakespeare (at least I was told so). However, I did not intent to 'copy' him, it just happened. This could be applicable to your attempts, too.

Nevertheless, I like your work up to now and I am looking forward to reading more.

Greetings.