Of Those Who Are Gone (Hush)- feedback please

[meg82]

withdrawn by author from site

[IrishCanadian]

Thats a really looming and nice meter you have there. The classic rhyme hlps it along too. But since you asked for feedback: it jumps from one thought to the next a little ... but if that was intentional its not a bad thing. And there are two lines (3rd of 1st stanza and 3rd of the 3rd stanza) are a straying a little from the common rythm you have set up. Its one of the toughest things to hold perfect meter throughout while continueing to have the necessary mood and message.
All in all this is quite nice ... nice befor sleeping (which is where i'm going), whistful -ish.