Relatives!

[papayahed]

sheesh, who needs em'?

ack, without getting into specifics if you had a relative that has a history of lying and cheating and is currently not working would you try to help that person out if you could? If that person expects to be helped?

[smilingtearz]

I think i would :nod:,
in monetary ways: provided that i myself am not a dependent and have sufficient for myself.
in psychological: I'll try to support
in mental/spiritual: Introducing God to a persons life always helps!
and if i had a way of getting him a job, of course i'd do the needful...

i mean he's your relative right!

[rachel]

yes of course. I believe that all we have is from God and therefore for me personally I give to all and trust that God will deal with them if they are cons or whatever. He always does in His own unique way.But I cannot turn my back on anyone because often when I was in dire straits no one helped me.
Did you see that old movie with Chevy Chase -Christmas vacation and his nauseating mooching cousin Eddie? I think most of us have one. But you will really feel at peace with yourself if you do what you can. that does not by anymeans mean you have to let some guy bleed you dry. There are all kinds of ways to help. You can make an appointment for him to go to social services, get him there. you can give him a gift slide for a supermarket so he can't squaunder any funds on drugs, booze or cigarettes if that is his bent. You can be really firm with him and tell him you know he is lying and so you will give him this and help him in anyway you can to be self sufficient. when you are really firm about it they tend to wander away and try to find someone else to bleed. but you will always have peace in case you never see that person again.
and it does NOT mean that you have to have that person in your home unless they are living on the street, and even then if a threat you can get them into a shelter. it does Not mean that you have to be friends or any sort of thing like that. but just basic human kindness frees you and puts the pressure on the relative. And still you will have shown kindness that perhaps far down the road will stir something important in that person's heart and come back to you in real blessings.
and be glad dear girl that you don't have twenty such relatives!!!
As a matter of fact someone just came to us and we are in a couple of hours emptying out all our accounts to help that person. So believe me we know what you are going thru. But having been not helped and knowing the despair I will never let someone else know that despair and lack of human dignity if possible.I believe passionately that we are in measure our brother's keeper.
it shows me the goodness of your heart that you are even contemplating this.

[Virgil]

sheesh, who needs em'?

ack, without getting into specifics if you had a relative that has a history of lying and cheating and is currently not working would you try to help that person out if you could? If that person expects to be helped?

Well, if all your relatives are this way, that's some family! But I would take it that the one you're talking about is the anomaly rather than the rule. You're statement seems too general. If a member of the family does all that you list above, he certainly should be ignored.

[AimusSage]

If he expects it, then no, as he doesn't need it bad enough, but if he begs you to help, giving you some power over him, help him, but under clear conditions that have to be met.

[starrwriter]

sheesh, who needs em'? ...without getting into specifics if you had a relative that has a history of lying and cheating and is currently not working would you try to help that person out if you could? If that person expects to be helped?
My head is spinning because I actually agree with you. Who needs lying cheating relatives who want to con you out of money?

Fool you once, shame on them. Fool you twice, shame on you. I say let 'em eat cake.

[papayahed]

I'm trying to decide if I help out the relative (and I'm not talking a lot here) because he is my relative, (Taking precautions that he doesn't cheat me, I wouldn't put it passed this person) or do what I usually do which is to give the money to charity for people I don't know which may or may not get to the intended parties and which may be used wrongly also. ack!!

[Virgil]

If it's not too personal, how much money is he asking for and what does he need to do with it? You'll get a bunch of opinions from us on the forum from which you may sort out a decision. If it's too personal, just ignore me.

[papayahed]

See that's another thing, my relative hasn't actually asked me for anything. He hinted around that he wants my car. He has been suggesting I get a new car, He even told my mom when I was home that she should take me car shopping (she gets a discount).

He isn't working, his parents paid his utility bills for christmas, he doesn't have a car (no one's really sure what happened to the cadillac he owned 4 months ago), and he has a dog. And he has a history of doing stupid things with money (like buy a cadillac). If I gave him money it would be more to help my aunt and uncle out because if it doesn't come from me it will come from them. Another point is that I would worry that if I sent him a check he would try to change it to more then what I wrote it for...why should I give to someone who would cheat me?? and he has, back before I knew better we decided to buy tickets to a few plays - I gave him the money ($300 for 5 plays) for my half. We saw 1 play and it wasn't even one of the 5 we had picked out. Anyways I was going to send him gift cards to a grocery store and a pet store near him monthly while he's out of work.

[Virgil]

From what you say, he isn't worth a dime. In my opinion, if I were you I would help your aunt and uncle directly, but not him in any way. If you establish a pattern of giving him something directly, he will come back for more. If you establish a pattern that you will have nothing to do with him financially, he may not bother you in the future. To repeat, he will come back for more if you give him anything. He does not sound like a consciencious person.